New to Forum, am I dissociative?

Hi. I'm new this forum. 2 years ago my dad got really sick and I was devastated because I almost know he wasn't going to make it - he died 6 months ago. In that year and a half, I watched him being erased which destroyed any innocence left in me. I was always one to care about people but ever since my dad's death, I've become disconnected. Things that would make me feel bad now make me feel powerful. I've started to manipulate people, most recently my ex girlfriend. I played with her feelings and it made me feel so good.

I used to be able to compose myself in even the most stressful situations, like when I was told my Dad died, I didn't even bat an eye. Of course inside I felt devastated, but I controlled myself. But lately, the things that I hate are starting to get to me. In stressful situations, I find myself exerting signs of anxiety. I also find myself fantasizing about obscene ways of torturing and killing people I hate, one time I caught myself laughing at my thoughts.

My moral compass is being twisted, I try to do the right thing, but find myself enjoying doing the things I shouldn't.

Does anyone know what's wrong with me?

I'm new here too and my "question title" is similar to yours. I don't know if this is dissociating based on the little I do know about it. It more sounds like your general response to daily annoyances has become violent. This is just me spit-balling, but I don't think there's necessarily anything "wrong" with you. The human brain has interesting ways of dealing with pain. It's possible that to essentially protect you and your general sanity, your brain's default is to find comfort in things you used to find terrible. For some people - for example - they simply repress everything; another form of "mental protection."

I know this isn't a helpful point to add, but I am very sorry for your loss.
You could either seek professional help if you're truly too concerned with your thought processes to wait....or you could just completely bury yourself in things you consider 'positive.' If it sounds possible, you could try and be patient with your brain and yourself for even another year or so and spend that time finding new ways that are safe and healthy to totally distract yourself from your thoughts. Organizing playing cards or focusing on meticulous things that keep your brain busy could help...at least until you either get help or reach a breakthrough.
Also writing down the most horrid things you think of can help with your prospective. In detail you could type out or jot down the violent acts you imagine. Getting them out this way and not re-reading them for a few days can be really theraputic.

I find the points you've made interesting and plausible. Thank you for taking the time to post the reply.

Are there any other activities that you could recommend other than card organization? Or the therapeutic journal?

How about learning a martial art? It helps with self discipline and focusing your mind while you physically exert yourself. Yoga/meditation also work.