Confusing New Reality

This post may be all over the place.

Hi, I'm new.

Where to even start... so much swirling inside my brain about this that I can't gather enough solid ground to figure out how to say what I'm trying to!


I've recently realized I'm having depersonalization, and that I *have* been... for my entire existence. And saying "existence" is a tricky thing, too.

I've been the "only one" in this body (feels weird to say that) since late 2005/2006. Before that I was tucked away inside.

Feels like I was sheltered and then chosen by the counsel to inherit this life.

There used to be MANY of us. I couldn't even give you a count. That term... "super multiple" applied. Lots of fragments though, but lots of solid and formed and totally separate Others. They're all long gone.


And I feel I've done a crap job of maintaining a good life since. I've tried really hard, but... I worked really hard for those 7 years at a goal for a career, etc. and it's all falling and fallen apart.

Recently suffered a mTBI (mild traumatic brain injury) at work and now losing my career and don't know what to do where to go from here.


I feel I'm not explaining what I'm trying to say properly.


I've ben dissociating a lot. To the point I don't know if maybe there's... another person in 'here'. I lose time, but maybe it's from the brain injury?

Mostly I just spend time being confused anxious depressed and 'foreign' feeling, plus the physical symptoms from my injury.


I think I'm really overwhelmed right now. Been sent to see a psychologist but didn't take my concerns seriously and pretty well ignored what I was saying about my anxiety. focused on telling me how to recognize stress - trust me I'm a pro. Useless. But am at the mercy of the worker's compensate board so not much else I can do about it.


I'm just rambling now. Oh I don't know.