i want to have a split personality!?

it might sound odd that i want to have a split personality or alter ego, but i really want to.
i am already 20, but i still think about these things. maybe i think of things like this because i find myself pathetic. i never had a relationship and i am afraid to tell the people i like what i feel because there are lot of things that are wrong with me. i am so ugly, i am not a fast thinker, i'm effeminate, thin, weird and doesn't have confidence.
i have friends and they like me, some of them even call me "baby" because of my attitude(filipino humor). i am somehow thankful about this because before, i got bullied and laughed at because of who i am.
but i want to be like the characters i watch... i don't like to be just like this. i want to be like shalnark, killua, bisuke, hakudoushi and alice.
what should i do to have another personality? i hate myself so much, i want this identity to vanish, at least at times....

I know you don't mean to be offensive, but it's not good to tell anyone struggling with a mental illness that you wish you 'had' what they had.
DDNOS is the result of trauma, usually prolonged or repeated and starting at a young enough age that a person's personality has yet to be consolidated. It isn't something you can will into existence, and what you're suggesting would not be true dissociation but merely acting. If you want to be more like the characters you admire, simply act more like them. Figure out what it is in them that you like the most and try to incorporate those ideals or actions into your everyday life.

What you are talking about is personal development and a self-motivated act with a desired outcome, dissociative spectrum disorders are NOT CONTROLLABLE. They can be disruptive and damaging to your life and relationships (such as the emergence and influence of violent, belittling, or suicidal alters, as well as shifts in who you think you are and what you want and what you believe in--your goals, motivations, ethics, etc...), and can come with debilitating comorbid conditions like anxiety and depression. There is incredible stigma and disbelief regarding those diagnosed, and people claiming to have achieved, through confidence alone, "split personalities" are NOT talking about clinical DID/DDNOS.
That isn't to say that there aren't incredible aspects to being dissociative and that it isn't a unique (though misunderstood) way of communicating with oneself and coping with the world at large, but it is harmful and hurtful to suggest just 'becoming' DID--it undermines the incredible strength and endurance of those who are it--and is a goal no more possible than cleaning house more frequently to 'become' OCD.

If you don't already have a dissociative disorder by your current age, then you probably aren't going to get one. Plus it's not like you really want to have gone through the circumstances that go into creating a dissociative disorder, it's not pleasant stuff.

If you want to change your personality, the most helpful thing you can do for yourself is seek help to change your thinking. A professional will be able to help you with that. In the meantime, you might want to have a look at some of the areas of the forum related to things other than dissociative disorders, perhaps like the bullying forum, and speak to people about things where they will be able to relate to you and help you start to seek change in your thinking...

yea sorry i should have thought about it carefully. i really didnt mean to offend anyone, i just dont know much about these stuff. i hope i didnt offend anyone's feelings.
i wish i can stick around here, i want to learn a lot from you guys.

likewise, sorry if I came across too strongly in my response It sounds like you're having a really rough time right now, and deserve as much support as possible. I've lurked before through forums I'm unfamiliar with personally, and there is always wisdom and experience to be found so I hope you stick around too

*Sigh*
Imagine that the following text is being spoken in a soothing voice.
*Triggers be lurking below*

There is no guaranteed way to split your personality. Especially a grown up one.
Do a bit of research on what causes DID, you can even read it on this board. I doubt you would still want to split once you've educated yourself.

After googling the names you wrote as examples of what you would want to be like... umm, they're anime characters. But you don't get to choose how you split, what becomes of your mind, what relationship you will have with your headmates... their gender, age or skill set. Sure, it may seem cool to have a copy of an anime character in your head. And in reality, you may get a defenseless little child age 2.5 who will never grow older. Or you may get an angry and volatile alter who's gonna mess up everything you've got in life...
OR, the being that YOU are, your own personality, your unique mind configuration may cease to exist, or end up locked on the inside, and an alter will take your place and your body will be his. This one is also a possible outcome, and that's what has happened to us.

There are better ways to solve your problems in life. Support is out there - counseling, therapy, motivational trainings etc. everything a person may need to cope with what you've listed as things which bug you in life.

killua-kun wrote:it might sound odd that i want to have a split personality or alter ego, but i really want to.
i am already 20, but i still think about these things. maybe i think of things like this because i find myself pathetic. i never had a relationship and i am afraid to tell the people i like what i feel because there are lot of things that are wrong with me. i am so ugly, i am not a fast thinker, i'm effeminate, thin, weird and doesn't have confidence.
i have friends and they like me, some of them even call me "baby" because of my attitude(filipino humor). i am somehow thankful about this because before, i got bullied and laughed at because of who i am.
but i want to be like the characters i watch... i don't like to be just like this. i want to be like shalnark, killua, bisuke, hakudoushi and alice.
what should i do to have another personality? i hate myself so much, i want this identity to vanish, at least at times....

sweet sweet
i understand what you speak about. i am not diagnosed and maybe what i feel is DID just my split personality(i am twins by zodiac and they are all like i like chocolate today but next minute i hate it - attitude).
things for you to understand:
people are not attracted to things they are not interested in and cannot understand, in general cases. AND, read carefully, there is a saying(constantly forgetting who said it, but remember it was really smart famous person) that if you have a desire, you have a power in you to accomplish it. which means that if you want to be like your character you have inside you seeds of the traits you like in the character. or even deeper: we are egoists, all of us, in a good meaning - we like to see of "ourselves" in outside world. we like these quites and those books because deep down we feel connected to the stories we read, as if those words are something we tried to say but had no idea which words would fit, as if vague image got finally focused in this quote. hope you understand what i am trying to say.

so the characters you want to be are the characters you CAN become.

to stop self-hate go to therapy. or find something that can help you feel confident about yourself, something you feel you are good at, to boost your confidence.
and also, do sports regularly if you do not do yet. endorphins do miracles with your mood and once you start to see you actually have ripped abs, you will feel sexy and relaxed.
good luck :3
plus if you have DID you may find out it on therapy, maybe you just not simply want it but the alters in you try to make you stumble on realization they exist(but please do not hope on that).
or maybe you have another disorder.
or just depressed, more likely.
so go to therapy, that's the best thing to try in your case, if you cannot speak to friends about it completely openly and being correctly understood(without words from them like you think too much etc), as i felt from your post.

Lol, Killua-kun you make me laugh! How old are you by the way? I'm guessing <18?

No, it doesn't sound odd. I would hate to see your wish be granted and you actually do snap your mental state out of your physical state. You're looking for a shield. An easy way out almost. You can only be your own shield. People can help you build said shield but only you can wield it. It sucks being put down and bullied. I've been there. Dissociation is no healthy way on changing your life. Dissociation is a last resort that separates your brain from your physical situation when all is lost. It's not something I would wish on anybody. You have opportunities to build yourself before you get to that point. Once the stress and trauma take over you could very well snap yourself into something that you'll have a hard time getting out of once you realize what's going on and how much time you've wasted.

It's the hardest advice to give or to follow but you need to be you before you disappears due to some assholes that tormented you. Relax, breath, talk to somebody, talk to me I don't care. See a therapist, talk to a doctor. Time is a good healer when you use it to build upon yourself. Figure out a game plan, take one step at a time and follow through with it. And have support to back you.

Best of luck and message me if you'd like.

I don't want to start a new thread for this, but I also am interested in DID for many month now. I know some people online who have it, read some stuff and watched documentaries.

I also know most of the bad sides of DID and I don't really want to be controlled by this mental problem, but my depression is at a point where I wish that I had some way to cope. I feel like I finished my life now that I'm out of university und there is no reason to go on. My depression started 13 years ago and never really stopped. I often feel like killing myself when I don't take my medication, and DID seems like a good way to at least have some blackouts and leave control to someone else.

I tried to talk about my problems over the last years, I moved away from home, changed everything... but in the end I can't escape from myself. Everyday I have to wake up and keep going, even if I'd like to sleep all day. Falling into a coma for a year or two seems also like a nice alternative to this.

It's my own desire to be alone and I feel like life has nothing that would keep me going for long. The depression makes me often feel bad, but at the end there is also much truth to this pessimistic thinking I end up with.
If my life gets any worse I'll split my personality with my own hands, or at least make this single one go away.
I also had bad things happen in my life which caused my mental problems, but my only way to cope was always that I isolate myself as much as possible.

(I don't need a cheap pep talk, just wanted to say that some people would like to be in your situation... the grass is always greener on the other side)