Scared to talk to my doctor about this

I see both a psychiatrist and a talk counselor for ADHD, depression, and anxiety. But I've long suspected there's more "wrong" with me. I've never felt "all here." I had out-of-body experiences or times where I questioned reality itself or when I've felt like I'm someone else--or that there were other presences with me-- all throughout my life including early childhood. I never ever talked to anyone about it till this year because in my family there was always talk of demons and spiritual warfare. Now I'm agnostic/atheist and I know that's bullcrap, but at the time I thought my dissociated feelings meant I was possessed by a demon. Within the last year, I have identified a few different identities in my head. One of them even "came out" and started talking against my will and introduced herself with her own name and story, and I couldn't make her go away until the next day. Even though I've gotten away from my emotionally abusive family, and I've started reading about dissociative disorders, I'm still scared to talk to my doctor about this. What if they want to lock me up or something? What will they do to me?

If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, is there a way you can convince someone that it is ok to say come out and say hello? Then either dr/therapist may bring it up with you, or if they don't believe DID exists, they'll just think you're stressed/tired/excited about something which is why you're acting differently from 'normal'.

From my experiences it takes an awful lot to get u put in hospital (I live in England but don't know other ppl's experiences or countries). Here there is a lack of beds for people who could do with the support.... Basically, someone has to deam you to be at risk of severely harming yourself or others. This comes from someone who has attended A&E without being asked if I wanted to talk to anyone and just got stitched up and sent away. I've also been more or less unable to take care of myself (when littles were in control) didn't really know where i was going or wouldn't have been in a position to protect myself if anyone had come near me or anything had happened. If you are very interested in the critera for forced admission in hospitals, google it! Think it's under something like compulsory admission to psychiatric hospital. Most things they will feel you are capable of receiving treatment in the community.

I'm still suprised some days when I say something to my therapist (those darker parts wanting to hurt us) how it's almost like you're talking about cheese...no panic in her, none of 'you can't do this' just a nice normal conversation where I can actually discuss things, so I hope you can manage that too and realise that you can say a lot more than you think you can before they have to pass it on/stop you leaving etc....assuming you have a good therapist who is well trained

Yes, it is a very difficult thing to gather the courage to talk to someone about this, including a doctor/therapist. I'm currently trying to work up the courage to talk to my current one about this. I've mentioned it slightly, and he did say it was depersonalization, but I didn't talk about it enough for him to really explore it, especially since I mentioned it on the way out. I plan to talk to him more about it next I see him, especially since I've done quite a lot of research on it since he told me the word, and I am absolutely positive that it is some form of a dissociative disorder. In high school, I had begun to talk about it with my old one, and she definitely wanted to explore it more, but she had to move away and I didn't mention it to anyone until now, five years later... I really really want to be able to work up the courage to speak to my doctor more in depth about it next month, when I see him.

So yeah, talking about this is super difficult (particularly do to stigmas), even to a doctor... but once you get the courage up to talk to them, typically it seems- at least with a doctor- that it ends up pretty well, especially since doctors deal with these things a lot! Good luck. =]

Thanks guys.

I guess the reason I'm scared is I have already been hospitalized against my will before, for a week, and the whole experience was handled so very badly by the police and hospital staff that I essentially cannot think about the idea of being hospitalized without reliving the entire event and getting angry. For instance, right ######6 now, a year later, I still HATE everyone involved in it and have terrible Violent fantasies about their deaths.

Ahem.

With my own fear and distrust as a result of RETARDED hospitals in the past, now I can't put my trust in any psych doc. What do I do?