Integration Helps & a question about noise

Hello -

Had some integration helps that I wrote out for someone and thought I would post here.

First info about me. I am (49 yo F) mostly integrated but certainly have times of being split into around 4 or 5 parts...Three months ago I was functioning pretty well as one when trauma hit and I won't even go into those details but I found myself splitting and was all of a sudden aware of the splitting. I guess I had functioned as parts for years - went to therapy - integrated parts over a number of years (not aware of the DID system) - my therapist did not call it anything and we just worked on stuff and I just wasn't aware it had a name. Anyway - here I am today with a thing I wrote to help those who have a goal of integration -

Oh and I have a question about noise. Three months ago when I split due to new trauma I began to hear a loudish noise in my head - like ringing? tinnitus? I don't know what it is but even though I am feeling less depersonalization and less derealization as time passes, I still hear the noise and it gets worse with anxiety. I believe I have some PTSD and the noise may be part of that I don't know. Any ideas on what it is or how to get it to go away?

Okay here's what I wrote regarding integration: (which may be helpful even if you don't wish to integration)

Integration is kind of like running an ultra-marathon or climbing your own personal Mount Everest. It's freaking hard exhausting work that feels like it will never end! It's internal hard work that nobody even knows about or sees and every day can be a private hell. It gets old - really old but don't give up this fight for wholeness. Hang in there. It does get easier as you keep pressing in to communicate with parts and encourage a cooperation of sorts.

My one sentence cheat sheet for integration is this: COMFORT/ENCOURAGE the parts.

The protectors are freaking heroic and need to be validated. The littles are brave and amazing for carrying secrets and persevering all kinds of abuse. Even anger parts are possibly acting as protectors? When one member struggles the others come along side to ease the burden. The littles don't have to carry a load twice their size anymore. The others can help carry the yucky feelings and sadness.

I like to write letters so if we are having a bad day I will have the most grounded part write a letter to the weaker struggling part. When I find a way to comfort and understand the weaker part I feel so much better.

Soon you may find comforted parts integrating or merging.
Again this is what was helpful to me, which may not be helpful someone else...

-----------
This is my first time to post so I don't know how to make a signature ?

Journalgirl mostly integrated with a few little ones, a teen, protectors, a deviant?

Just a brief answer for you. Yes, I have tinnitus, and it gets worse when I get anxious. I had never realized this before, I knew I had it, for listening to music too loud and standing next to speakers in concerts when I was younger, but only now that I started therapy I've noticed it gets worse when I get upset. Calming down helps, that's all I can say. Very helpful.

To make a signature, go to:
User Control Panel
Profile
Edit Signature.

Joon 77

Thanks for responding- I'm wondering if the noise really is tinnitus? My therapist thinks it's related to my recent split and the brain's response. She has another DID client that has noise as well.

In The Stranger in the Mirror I read about someone having a noise that showed up during trauma :

"I have this noise inside my head-a kind of shrieking, squeaking, screaming noise-and I turn the volume up whenever I feel anxious or hurt," Jean reveals. "It stops anything from having any impact on me, or if there is an impact, it stops me from feeling it."
Location 4200 in my kindle version of The Stranger in the Mirror -

So I think the noise may be related to a recent trauma I experienced? I've never had tinnitus or anything related until that event. Whatever the case-it's related to overstimulation - too many people - too much noise - & feeling overwhelmed...Interested to know if anyone else has thoughts about this...

Hi, I am posting in DID today for the first time. I went through asperges, through psychosis, and now here. the noise, yes...it was so bad at some point that i could not hear the TV or a conversation because the noices around...motors, computers, that constant ring in my head did not allow it....but now i see that it gets louder with stress or tiredness etc.

I am 51 and have three children, all teeners.
we have an apparent goed home. we clean up, they study, they have their jobs etc.
i say apparent because i keep on sttruggling with what goes inside me.

with quietapine, slow dosis, i was able to calm down a lot. I used to get very upset and frustrated and the atmosphere was becoming very bad. Thanks God that is past and the children are working in the direction of a future,whatever this might be.

the problem is me. the last sessions with my pschiater became really scary. I always kept from him that the way i move along life is with three people around a table, two antagonize each other and another one that reconciles. i thought this was more or less normal.
but all of a sudden, one walked out and told him everything, three people on the table, and original anger, and then an actor. Afterwards i was so afraid! next day i was shaking like crazy. I see that you all talk about bringing them together.... i was so full of fear when i came home, it was like realizing that there are other rooms in my internal home and there were people living there.

this experience shifts from thrilling to terrifying...back and forth...to whom should i believe? complicated and i do not see the light at the end of this tunnel.!!

Loise:
Sorry to hear your system has been stirred up during therapy. Sometimes things do indeed get worse before they get better. You might want to post about your experiences in the DID forum. There is a resource board there with lots of links to helpful posts and the people in that area are very experienced in DID. I like you am still just trying to find my way.

Best wishes and I hope things calm down for you-

thanks, I have so many times slowly accepted the fact that something that seemed normal to me, was not. But this field brings out new taboes in me. ...and the problem is that some much seems to be going out of me that seems to be asking for labour time...and I feel so unready and at times really afraid...
but thanks for your post, it helped me give the first step.