Why can’t I remember my dad?

I'm sorry if I am doing this wrong. I am new here.

I am 16, and my parents are divorced. I have a good relationship with both of them.

My mom and siblings say that my dad was very very abusive was I was young but I can't remember. I have lots of memories where he would beat us, but I can't see him in those memories. It is so freaky. It is like my dad isn't rendering in those memories, but everything else in them is still vivid; like he was invisible. I also was really trying to imagine my dad as super angry like he apparently was a lot, but I can't. I can't seem to see him as someone angry.

Currently my dad loves me and apologizes for what he did. He is very nice now and we hang out a lot. I never see him angry anymore and he is like an entirely different person.

I was wondering if this is Dissociative Amnesia. If so, how would this negatively impact me?

I get where u are coming from. My dad was also abusive but I don't really remember it as such. I think we try to block out the parts that are bad. We only want to see the good in people.

Willow

well, I have a lot of repressed memories (some quite similar to this) that I haven't recovered yet and I'm working to get them back because... I think that in order to be truly happy and okay, the trauma needs to be processed rather than blocked out because they're not the same thing. (and if it's being blocked out, it MUST be traumatic.) however, I guess I can't say that it's necessarily better to remember because I don't remember yet and I'm sure it'll be a trainwreck to be me and damaged rather than being no one and nothing. but i know i'm not willing to be this. persoanlly, i'll sacrifice whatever I have to to be my whole real self.
I can say however, having things blocked out can cause problems. for me, lost identity and depersonalization. or you also might still have psychological problems from the trauma but have less power to do something about them cause you've lost access to where the problems are coming from. there may also be people who have repressed memories and no significant problems. i think each person is a little bit different. if it were me, i would try to go to a trauma therapist because I feel it's better to be whole and to nip things in the bud i guess.

I have a few spots in my memory like that too. I think its (personally I'm not a psychologist) your brain trying to focus on literally anything other than your abuser. Like, your brain trying to reject this awful imagery, even though you know its real. Its annoying, but honestly, if you and your dad are cool now.. Don't try to find those images in your own head. You literally kept yourself and him in a separate situation during those times, which I imagine is why you can't see him in those memories.. Or imagine him. I KNOW the things my bio dad did, but I barely even remember what he looks like. Memory separation ig? I hope your doing okay and I'm glad you can have a good relationship with your dad. :3

Sorry if I rambled, plz don't take any of this as prof. Help I am but a lowley 16 yr old. TvT