Quietus

I was watching a movie called, “Children of Men”. I won’t go into lots of detail, but in the movie there was a drug called “Quietus”. Apparently it was a suicide drug mixture that could be readily bought anywhere, and even had television commercials. “You Decide When.” The society depicted was beyond bleak, as you can imagine.

I’m sure the moviemakers would be disappointed to learn that this part of the movie is what really hooked me and dominated my experience with it.

Despite my own suicidal ideation, I fully support suicide prevention measures. If you can be saved, by all means. If everyone that felt suicidal died, no one would be alive. Of course, I don’t believe that suicide is always the answer. I would love it if no one ever did or felt like they had to, me included.

That being said, I’m not sure why you get arrested for attempting suicide, or why society takes such great pains to demonize it and make it so difficult. I’m a grown man, I’m not insane, and I’ve been in pain as long as I can remember. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve had medication, and all of it was dependent upon my insurance. They reacted to me as if to say, “If you can’t pay, too bad, dude.” And it really hasn’t helped. All it’s done is get me a mountain of debt, which does wonders for my stress levels. And these people had no concern whatsoever for my well being. I was a bag of dollar signs in human form. And that’s a crappy feeling, let me tell you.

Why would it be so bad to have something like Quietus? Or, at least, shouldn’t it be my right to end my life if I choose to? I’m not a raving lunatic. I don’t have an insane agenda. I’m a normal person who really just wants to stop hurting, and has run out of ways to do that and, quite frankly, has run out of reasons to remain here. If I even breathe a word of this to anyone, they’ll just put me in the hospital, which I can’t pay for and didn’t help the first time, and wouldn’t help now. The last thing I need is wasted time and more debt for no reason. It is so very tiring wearing this mask of happiness and calm, pretending to be positive so I can have friends (because the INSTANT I show anything else, they leave) and not rouse suspicion.

Why should it be such a societal taboo, such a stigma, such a crime that I, an adult of sound mind, just doesn’t want to be here anymore? I’m not reacting to some event unthinkingly. I’m not overreacting to this or that.

I didn’t arrive at this lightly. Isn’t this my life?

Children of Men is one of my favourite movies. It touches on a lot of issues worth discussing.

You're in a lot of pain and I don't want to come across as pushy or judgmental. All I can say is that I've been in the state of mind you are now (and likely have been for a while, right?) and got stuck there for years. Assisted suicide was logical at the time because the depression was never going to lift, things were never going to change.

I don't think a suicide pill will ever be freely available to the public because someone with chronic depression is viewing the world through different glasses than the rest. I don't think you've arrived at this lightly, either, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and feeling like you have to defend your views on a sensitive topic.

That mask is tiresome and people don't get it. It scares them. Most of the people in my life know that I'm bombarded with some extremely stressful things right now and they still are shocked when I have a bad day and don't have the energy to hide it. It's insulting and disappointing, to say the least - but to show that disappointment in them causes a negative reaction. It takes less energy to keep up the facade, but the facade is emotionally taxing. It seems endless. I still look forward to some things and have good days though, so it's easier for me to see the point in living. I hope that you can find some of that too.

Hi, i´m strolling by from the schizoid forum. I also suffer from depression. I hope it is ok for me to answer here. English is not my native language. If something is unreadable please point it out to me.

I didn’t arrive at this lightly. Isn’t this my life?

If you ask me: Yes, absolutely! If someone wants to leave in dignity without making someone else scratch them from the sidewalk, they should be able to do so.

Why should it be such a societal taboo, such a stigma, such a crime that I, an adult of sound mind, just doesn’t want to be here anymore?

The “problem” I see is: we live in a largely christian influenced environment. There is nothing more valuable than a human live. Every other living thing can be ripped to pieces but not a human (unless they sit on oil).

If you were allowed to kill yourself, human life as a whole would be less … untouchable. I think people relaxing on their exalted state would feel threatened if that status somehow lessens.

So basically you are not allowed to kill yourself because people are stupid and want to feel safe.