by Witch_whey » Sun Sep 11, 2016 3:55 am
Hello. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD two years ago. I tend to invalidate my own feelings. It's almost as if I'm in denial about my mental health. I've been diagnosed by multiple doctors and therapists and yet I still often find myself questioning if I'm exaggerating or making everything up. I can't trust my own evaluation of how I'm feeling. I'm so confused because I don't know how to prove to myself that my problems are real. Every night, when I take my medication, I find myself thinking, "do I really need this?" Then, minutes later, I'll be considering relapse (self harm). But for whatever reason, I'm still not fully convinced that I have any sort of disorder. I feel guilty, like I'm lying to myself and everyone else. What if I'm just using up resources that could be going to people who really need them? All of the time slots in therapy that I've taken up, all of the insurance co-pays, all of the pills. I can't compare my feelings to those of a "normal" person, because it is impossible to know exactly what it's like to be in somebody else's head. What if it's all been a waste?