Possible depression after experiencing anxiety?

Hi everyone. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post my problem, I hope my post doesn't bother anyone. I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize in advance for any mistake.
"Brief" introduction: I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember, and even though I've learned how to deal with it over the years, this doesn't keep me from having a relapse from time to time if triggered by some unpleasant events. At the beginning of 2012, I've struggled with relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder for a couple of months, finally snapping out of it only once the relationship was over (a very difficult break-up for me to cope with). Towards the end of the year (november), I had the notorious relapse that brought me to my knees and challenged me for a whole, exhausting year when I was also forced by the circumstances to re-open some old psychological scars, without really coming to term with them. During that year, I've gradually lost the ability to function in everyday life and the first long-lasting symptom of that condition manifested itself by giving my brain a really hard time whenever I tried to put my thoughts into words. All of a sudden, I wasn't able to perform socially or think straight anymore and, because of the event that triggered my anxiety, I developed some severe and irrational fears towards other people and their potential desire to hurt me, make fun of me or/and work against me. Poor concentration, together with not being able to properly verbalize my thoughts, is the main reason why my grades have dropped dramatically, even though I used to be one of the best students just a couple of years ago. I thought things would get better once anxiety was gone, but they didn't (and this is why I decided to seek help on this forum). In fact, those months of excruciating suffering have been followed by what is probably mild depression. I barely shower or go out anymore and I don't show striking progress on the cognitive side either (probably this is not the right term from a psychological point of view), except for the ability to put my thoughts into words, which is not nearly as good as it used to be, but still better, according to my teachers.
To sum up, after suffering from severe anxiety in 2012-2013, I've lost interest in everything I used to love and the ability to do anything I used to be really good at; my grades are still far from excellent and I can't get my brain to make the simplest decisions, to study properly or analyze any problem and, since college is around the corner, I feel utterly hopeless about my future. But what I fear the most is that this apathetic, unattractive, dumb version of myself is not due to my condition. In fact, I worry I'll find out that there's no condition at all, but that this is the real me and every day of happiness I've ever experienced in the last few years before anxiety stole my life, was the result of unbalanced hormones typical of teenage years. The possibility to turn my life around scare me even more, fearing that I won't be able to go back to the way I was, ending up heartbroken again after losing the ability to be happy and proud of myself.
I've shown many symptoms of depression for nearly two years, yet I don't feel depressed: this is why I worry I'm wasting everyone's time posting here. I know what it feels like to be seriously depressed and what I'm feeling right now is not even close to that distress. I simply think about life as if it wasn't worth living, worth suffering for, and I don't have a single reason to feel this way. I know I can go on living this way for years, without addressing the problem but simply sinking deeper and deeper into this state of mind, blaming that year whenever I face a new problem I can't overcome.
I hope I made myself clear enough. Thank you for reading this far.

Hello,

first thing: you don't mention any medical care. Have you discussed your problems with a professional? (Here you first talk to a GP, who can then refer you to a psychiatrist -- not sure how things work where you live.)

I suffer from bipolar disorder, and also anxiety attacks -- mostly some form of social anxiety; it makes it impossible for me to get out of my house, I just can't face the world outside my four walls. I noticed it is related to depression -- when I feel depressed, anxiety tags along, or perhaps the other way round. I am currently on medication -- seroquel + lithium -- which managed to stabilise my bipolar and also get rid of the anxiety. I used to need large amounts of diazepam to stop feeling the terrible anxiety, and sometimes even that didn't help; now I am fine and no longer experience it. I am not saying you need the same combination of meds, but perhaps a doctor could help you out and fix the chemical imbalance (if that's what causes your problem).

Oh, and one more thing: you don't need to experience all symptoms of depression to fulfill the criteria. My depression evolved over the years; in the last year it mostly took away my strength to perform daily tasks. I didn't feel "depressed" as most people understand it.

Best wishes, I hope you feel better soon. Hugs.

Hi Oliveira, thank you for replying.
I've been seeing a psychologist for the past six months, although not so often because of the price. She doesn't think I'm depressed and the sessions have been focused on addressing problems other than anxiety or my mood, such as the relationship with my parents, bullying in middle school, etc. I'm actually thinking about not going back, because I don't think I've benefited from it.

Unipolar depression is most often caused by experiences from your past. When I went to a therapist for the first time, and he insisted on discussing my parents and my childhood, I first rolled my eyes every five minutes. Only later did I realise that he was right. I found the therapy to be extremely helpful. BUT -- you might simply not have a good fit with your psychologist. If she dismisses your feelings, you're unlikely to benefit from the therapy -- you should be able to trust the therapist 100% and feel listened to properly. So perhaps the best idea is to move on to someone else?

Best wishes!

I agree with what Oliveira had to say. The first thing I would do is seek professional help and try medication. You absolutely sound like you are suffering from clinical depression.
Your clearly too hard on yourself. Your ability to articulate is very good.
Just a suggestion that worked well for me, try setting small goals for yourself instead of medium size ones. You can work on larger goals later, you have plenty of time. I once thought setting small goals was a stupid idea, what if Michael Jordan had set small goals for himself? Well, he isn't suffering from depression the way you do or the way I did.

Actually I've found the part of the session focused on talking about my past experiences helpful, and I've been able to open up to my psychologist from day one, but I don't feel as comfortable talking about my actual goals, "underachieving" attitude or the way I feel right now. When it comes to talk about my mood, which is the reason why I was encouraged by my teachers to seek help in the first place, I do feel dismissed. I have no reason not to trust her judgement as a professional when she says I don't sound depressed, but sometimes it seems like she thinks there's no problem to address, or that the goals I set for myself are too high and that I wouldn't be able to achieve them anyway. Maybe she's right about that.
However, when earlier this year I interrupted therapy for the first time (for reasons unrelated to my relationship with her), she discouraged me from doing it because, she said, I was clearly desperate and in need for help. Probably I just read too much in her attitude sometimes and I should talk to her about this problem.