Depressive and lonely

Hi,
for months now, Im feeling very lonely and depressive. Every morning I wake up more tired then I was before I went to bed. I lost 10kg in 2months and I cant do anything about it. I wanted to get on university this year, but I cant study for test. Most likely I wont be on uni this year. I lost will to play guitar, to play chess, to go out , I dont like many people around me, it makes me really uncomfortable. I stopped going in gym, because when I am there I think about stuff I shouldnt and I lose my interest in exercising in matter of minutes.

Place where I live, is the biggest shithole of the universe. 2800 people in total, most of them stupid people, nothing to do , no one to talk to, impossible to make "normal" friends.
Most of the friends I had, I dont like now. I actually never liked them, because of them I had alcohol problem during the highschool, so I have really no one to talk to. Im not very comfortable to talk about anything with my parents mainly due my family history etc etc.
If I dont get on university, I will have to get a job ( which is at the moment impossible even for someone with university masters degree, at least here where I live ) for minimal wage and with the most ignorant people for collegues. So getting on university is one big problem for me at the moment, because I am short with time and I have no willpower to take that test.

Anything I had were cyber friends over internet, but I guess they dont have time to chat anymore, they have LIFE. I dont, Im waiting like an idiot for someone to come to chat with me. Not happening very often lately..

Last thing what destroyed me, literally , was one girl Ive met over internet. We were really having nice time, we even wanted to have a meeting even though she is 2000km away from me. I fell in love with her and I would make it this summer to see her. Last months she is avoiding me and she doesnt even want to talk to me. She doesnt like me anymore, noticed it when she forgot to send me reply on my letter I have send her. Its obvious she doesnt want me or that she is scared of me. I am devastated and I cant find exit of this situation.
I really choose girls I want to be with, because I am really not one of guys who gets "tropheys", and that one was really one of few persons I liked/loved. Now she has someone else...
When I see all those couples in streets, I really get more sad, because they have something I dont.
Im not even ugly , but still I have no luck in anything. I always get crush on some girl who already has a boyfriend, that was destroying me as well on many occasions.

At this very moment I envy to people who are killed/dead. I have become suicidal and tried to make suicide last month, but it didnt happened.
Now I would kill myself, but Im pretty much scared to hurt my parents and my grandparents, so I cant relief my pain.
I dont have anyone to talk to , thats why I come here. Im that miserable. No one needs me, no one talks to me, I cant do the most simple things, its too hard for me. I am sleeping pretty much all day and I live in my imagination.

Any advices? Just say something

You need professional help really soon. Go see a GP and get some medication for a start. Then find a therapist if you can afford it. You sound really sick. (I'd prefer to say depressed but i'm not allowed to "diagnose" people.)

Seriously, get help. I've been where you are. I know exactly what you are going through. There is light but you have to move towards it.

Also avoid internet romances. Between people with mental health problems, they generally end up just like this. I have seen it a lot. Frequently it happens soon after they meet so you are lucky that it ended before then. I wonder why you think she'd be scared of you though. Did you say something you regret?

Anyway internet relationships are not real life. they are just words and feelings. With physical presence there's not a lot of real intimacy going on. After you know each other in person, its a different matter but until you've met, its a disaster waiting to happen. Furthermore as you can see, you are too vulnerable to getting hurt.

I don't think you can study until you start to turn the corner out of depression.

fiftysix wrote:You need professional help really soon. Go see a GP and get some medication for a start. Then find a therapist if you can afford it. You sound really sick. (I'd prefer to say depressed but i'm not allowed to "diagnose" people.)

Seriously, get help. I've been where you are. I know exactly what you are going through. There is light but you have to move towards it.

Also avoid internet romances. Between people with mental health problems, they generally end up just like this. I have seen it a lot. Frequently it happens soon after they meet so you are lucky that it ended before then. I wonder why you think she'd be scared of you though. Did you say something you regret?

Anyway internet relationships are not real life. they are just words and feelings. With physical presence there's not a lot of real intimacy going on. After you know each other in person, its a different matter but until you've met, its a disaster waiting to happen. Furthermore as you can see, you are too vulnerable to getting hurt.

I don't think you can study until you start to turn the corner out of depression.

Hi,
Well getting help wont happen , at least not by therapist or medication , because I dont want o be a burden to my parents.
Well, internet romance was everything I had. No, I never told her anything bad, she actually invited me to meet her. She told me many times that she likes me a lot , but I guess she changed her mind.
The only thing which may frighten her is that I dont like where I live and I will take any chance to move away in another country as soon as possible ? Foreign languages are not a problem to me to learn, because I speak 3 fluently + mothertongue + basics of latin. So I can pretty much learn any.

Real life for me is completely different story. I lost my self-esteem and I will probably not have it back soon. As I stated before, I am pretty disconnected emotionally, as some people used to tell me, and I cant connect to other people easy, especially goes for girls. If there is a girl and me and some other guy interested in her, I will just back off.

I dont trust to other people, because here where I live, its pretty bad situation. I stopped drinking and hanging out with people I used to hang out, when I was betrayed and beaten up. I almost lost a kidney after that. Also, Im not much connected to my family, because of many reasons.

So, I will never consider therapy of any kind at the moment.

P.S. regarding university, I already was on one, but for the same reason I am writting here, I had to give up .

I can't remember your age but do you not even have enough money to go to a doctor.

Forget about girls while you are depressed. Later on when you are well again, you can do something about improving your social skills so that you can try to find a girlfriend. Don't fret that it hasn't happened yet. Its the case for many people. Its not the end of the world and don't add pressure on to it by imagining everyone else is achieving what you are not.

You are going to have to learn to be more courageous if you want the things out of life that you think you do. Living life well requires courage. Don't take too long to find it. Its ok to stuff up. Everyone does. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them.

If you don't want to have therapy, then find some public health councilling. Join a group to meet more people. Don't let your nerves get the better of you. Just do it learn. Being good socially is a learned skill for a lot of people, maybe most. Not many people are that natural at it but i know as young people tend to think that everyone else is really good at stuff and you are the only one who is hopeless. Its not the case. Maybe you can find a book written for your age group in social skills. I read one of these when it was way to late and thought, wow i wish i had a book like that when i was younger when i didn't have clue about how to be in the world.

Forget the girl. Its a shame that it came to an end but all good things do. You do have a choice to decide to let her go or you can keep churning over the same thoughts. Did i tell you to learn meditation if you can. If you can do it "its the simplest thing in the world but the hardest thing to do" meaning everyone gives up because it requires effort - it will help you. Especially if you can learn the buddhist ideas that go with it about impermanence, not self and dukkha meaning suffering/disastisfaction etc. Learning about buddhism is inspiring. It might lift you out of your depression. At least i found this to be so but i don't know which book to recommend actually because the one that really inspired me might not interest you in the slightest. It was called the buddha in the world by pankaj mishra and i loved it but it is long and rambling. I find the buddha's story inspiring so long as you get one that doesn't talk to much about magical stuff. I like the ones written by scholars best. I have heard that nanamoli thera's biography is good.

fiftysix wrote:I can't remember your age but do you not even have enough money to go to a doctor.

Forget about girls while you are depressed. Later on when you are well again, you can do something about improving your social skills so that you can try to find a girlfriend. Don't fret that it hasn't happened yet. Its the case for many people. Its not the end of the world and don't add pressure on to it by imagining everyone else is achieving what you are not.

You are going to have to learn to be more courageous if you want the things out of life that you think you do. Living life well requires courage. Don't take too long to find it. Its ok to stuff up. Everyone does. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them.

If you don't want to have therapy, then find some public health councilling. Join a group to meet more people. Don't let your nerves get the better of you. Just do it learn. Being good socially is a learned skill for a lot of people, maybe most. Not many people are that natural at it but i know as young people tend to think that everyone else is really good at stuff and you are the only one who is hopeless. Its not the case. Maybe you can find a book written for your age group in social skills. I read one of these when it was way to late and thought, wow i wish i had a book like that when i was younger when i didn't have clue about how to be in the world.

Forget the girl. Its a shame that it came to an end but all good things do. You do have a choice to decide to let her go or you can keep churning over the same thoughts. Did i tell you to learn meditation if you can. If you can do it "its the simplest thing in the world but the hardest thing to do" meaning everyone gives up because it requires effort - it will help you. Especially if you can learn the buddhist ideas that go with it about impermanence, not self and dukkha meaning suffering/disastisfaction etc. Learning about buddhism is inspiring. It might lift you out of your depression. At least i found this to be so but i don't know which book to recommend actually because the one that really inspired me might not interest you in the slightest. It was called the buddha in the world by pankaj mishra and i loved it but it is long and rambling. I find the buddha's story inspiring so long as you get one that doesn't talk to much about magical stuff. I like the ones written by scholars best. I have heard that nanamoli thera's biography is good.

Im mainly depressed because I am lonely as hell. I dont see any other reason. So forgeting that girl is a bit hard, because I had a nice relation to her. I occasionally talk to her as well, its not all that over, she just changed toward me, all suddenly. She never "broke up" with me. Im 21y old btw.

As I said before, here where I live, there are no such things as public health counseling nor group meetings. Those things doesnt exist in radius of 100km from where I live.

Meditation .. hmm .. I dont know, I could give a shot, but I think I will lose my lust in it pretty soon. Also I am not much about religions as well, so all those stories following the same are really unreachable to me.

hi I can understand where u are coming from, I too have been feeling very lonely and depressed, so bad sometimes that i dont deal with it in a helpful way. Do u have many friends around who u can talk to and share how u are feeling? Another thing u could try is going to see ur gp and see if they can give u advice and maybe strategies of how to cope when u feel lonely and depressed. It is so easy to give advice but it is harder to act on the advice myself.Hope u start to feel better soon.

Hey there. I realize this is quite an old post, but I have a pretty similar problem to yours and I am desperate and I wish to know how did you manage to fight the condition you were into and how are you feeling now.
Any response is highly appreciated. Hope you are doing well now.
Best regards.