very bad depression

hi people, this is gona be a long read, and im sorry if its going to be so long, I have been really depressed for 7 years now, it all happened when my father got a brain clot and he had to have surgery, the surgery took 5 hours, and he was in hospital for 6months, he made a recovery but still has the effects of the surgery he sometimes gets these bad pains in he’s head, and he has been getting these fits lately, but other than that he’s ok, so that’s when my depression first began, I come from a family of 4, 1 sister 2 brothers.

in 2001 my life turned upside down forever, I remember every detail of this day, it was the 19th of July, I had woken up for work at 8.00am, I had my breakfast, and I went into the sitting room to listen to sum music on the television, at about 8.30 the doorbell rang which I tought was strange, my father answered the door and after about 20 seconds he came in crying, I then ran to the door and there was an police man and a doctor and they told me that my brother as dead, I just broke down right there on the spot, and then all of or neighbors and friends and relatives arrived and they were crying too, I cried all day that day, I just didn’t talk to anyone, my brother hung himself at round five in the morning after walking home from a friends house, he was only 26 I didn’t talk to anyone for 2weeks, I miss him so much he would take me for drives and we would go for a drink now and then, I go down to his grave nearly every day, I love him.

well a year after that my grandmother and my grandfather died they died of old age and that really ruined my life aswell, so I have had a horrible life, but I know there is other people out there like me, I have tried to kill myself but there was something holding me back, I have tried to get help, but I cant help me, I just wanted to share my story, thanks for listening, Anthony.

Tony

Your family members would not have wanted (or do not want) you to not live your life because you are in mourning for them.

Life is both short and precious. There is a lot you can do with it. Please consider finding out if there is a problem in some way you do not know (inherited, or from childhood). Meanwhile figure out as much as you are able what you want to do, and start doing it.

You didn't come here for a pat on the shoulder I would wager. Everyone has something. If you hang out here, you might learn that important lesson. You are not alone.

I hope you find an answer that works for you,
W

it hurts, i know, i've been watching my grandmother go through each stage of alztimers, since i was about 13, and i've pretty much lost my grandfather after his last stroke, but it's ok, i believe, because although they take a piece of our heart with them when they go, life goes on, and it's your turn to go on, they would want that, i love my brother very much too, and we drive around alot as well, i would be devastated if the same thing happend to me, but it's ok, we all have our pitfallls in life, we just have to muster the might to get out of them, and keep on moving on, make ourselves happy, without certain things, change, and teach ourselves a new way to live, new focuses, and never forget, but it is the past, and we can't alive if we are always in the past, we must be alive in the now, and grad this moment that we have before us. make your on future, make up your own mind to be. just be.