death come quick

I just wish i was dead...no more pain and no more suffering. I have lost my wife and kids and am schizo and anxiety besides. I just dont see the reason to live anymore. \i have been in hospital a few times and that was no help. I just wish i could never wake up. I have lost everything i love so there's nothing left. I have spent most of my life battling the evil of my illnesses but am losing badly. \\\i feel like i have nothing to line for anymore...oh well who cares

forget about everything


think about it like this:

imagine a river

flowing down a mountain, not too fast, just steadily

now imagine you are a rock

being worn away by the river over time

but, imagine that you are a leaf! and you are foating, just going along with the flow, now you do go through some rapids and get tossed around a bit, but just go with the flow

if you want to read more, find some books on tai chi:) thank you

For FR43K
Keep going. Keep doing. The day is not so dark as it seems. Keep going. Don't think about what you have lost, just try to think about what you can find or meet. Keep going. Life is waiting for you!

I try to keep a positive vibe but everything i do just keeps geting me down. I am on meds for schizo and anxiety and they just dont bring me out of this world i'm in...and beleive me it's not a pretty one. I have really been thinking of suicide strongley and dont know of anything else that would stop the pain...i have tried b4 and have ended up in the hospital several times with no help. It's like i have something wrong with me that the doc's dont even know...maybe i just dont know how to explain myself. All i know is if i dont find a cure soon i will be dead, free from all the $#%^ in my head and stuff. I know i need a cure soon or i wont be here..it is so bad i cry atleast once a day every day...it's like something has tookin over me and i'm just not me any more. Would u keep on living if all u felt was pain, i just cant hanle it any more. I just cant take the pain forever it's just not posible....words cant describe the pain i feel and living in this state is not an option anymore, action has to be done. Like i said i am on meds and they just dont bring me out of this $#%^.....i think nothing will work..i am just a fr34k and thats all there is to it.



i have lost my family and my best friend cause of this and just cant take it.....###$ it if i cant be happy y live...sorry for going on so long abvout my probs....................................fr34k

i cant take the pain no more

if i cant have you then y live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

Keep trying. You are doing it very well. There are wonderful things in this life that you have to discover. Just keep trying. Come on. You are important for me, also.

fr34k:

You are not alone. People have felt as bad or worse, and gotten to the other side. That is not an assurance, but a proven possibility.

According to the thinker I find the most meaning in, pain in the human heart is all based on feeling that we are seperate. In your case, and mine there is ample evidence to support that.

So what do we do? As far as I can see two things:

1. stop focusing on yourself. donate time to those more needy, old, deformed. This society designates lots of people as "not us". Cook, clean or serve in a soup kitchen. Guess what? It works. It works because you see that suffering isn't confined to you. It works because you are making contact and not being alone. Help people here.

2. realize that you share much more with the world, plants, animals and people then what your mind says when you are in "critic" mode. The critic will make any difference look like the Grand Canyon. It's not so. When it comes to looking at ourselves in this society I feel that all of us have plenty enough brain trained on the topic, but nowhere near enough compassion.


I am making these statements above based on my experience as not so different from yours, mine are:

child abuse - emotional/physical neglect from infancy, physical, mental, and sexual in and out of the home - causing:

- very frequent SI & DID

- became bipolar at age 14, not diagnosed until age 42 (some evidence says really bad childchood can cause it!)

- a nasty case of PTSD

- a fraudulent adult life based on denial and minimization

- two nervous breakdowns in the past 12 years

- laid off from my highly paid software job 3 weeks ago.


I am able to see with increasing clarity/heart now, and I survey a wreckage of a life.

If I would give up, I could have more then enough to drown in. I am just interested in doing what I can with the time I have left. Feeling sorry for yourself does not help. Taking action as best as you can in the face of sure defeat (natural death, all the people that think I'm an a* h*, my health (10 meds a day, open heart surgery a year ago)) - that takes resolution.

It's a process. The notion of a full cure is just too much for me to believe in. But getting down that line further, yeah, its worth it.

If you like, I would be happy to talk some more - your call.

Either way - good luck, and please try to embrace yourself with compassion. Not just once. It calms the anger for one thing, and doing that makes it easier to see where you are. And knowing where you are it is easier to heal.

W

it's ok man, or woman, whoever you are, it's ok, you aren't alone, and life is worth living, for your happiness:) to make yourself feel right, and good, just do it:) it's worth it to make youself happy:)