cant get hold of my c.p.n.

im feeling very low and im finding it hard to get in touch with my cpn .
im off work with depression and iv attemted suicide twice in 6 months, i have no money coming into the house so im living on wifes money, now ive just found out we are losing the house, due to us not being able to afford the repayments.
i feel like ive let my family down by being off work.
i have rang my cpn as i need to talk to somebody ,
im just scared that i dont have another of my ideas to end it !! coz that is a easy way out. just need to talk to her ..can my life get any worse?

Hi there again!

Decided to post another letter tonight to inform you that I also suffer from depression a great deal. And anxiety w/ panic attacks. Probably due to all that I have been through in my life; as stated in yesterday's letter.
I also have post tramatic stress and night terror disorder. Everything in a combination of motion and stresses. It has stressed me out. Causing, patience-wise, an extreme feeling of firerybreathing, short wick,like dynamite.
This for me is definatelysomething that is way out of control. At it's worse I can feel in pain, extreme fatige, and under the weather.
This even goes on with everything acting up at once. My concentration goes as well; as you may have seen in yesterday's letter.
Please pardon my typing. At times I cannot keep my attention straight. When this takes place I even try praying to myself. At those moments, when under the barametic pressure with the fronts moving in and out; especialy when it is going to rain/snow/be damp/humid.
If you or anyone can advise me on this, please take the time to inform me of the coping stratergies.
PLEASE PLEASE HELP! I deeply apologise for my typing with the letter yesterday. Hope you understand. So long now!




MODERATOR'S NOTE: I've tried to edit your post of the extra commas and place sentence breaks/structure so that this is easier for readers to read/comprehend. I hope this helps and garners you some replies!

There are a number of ways that things can get like this, and there are a number of ways to mitigate it.

For me, I have significant amounts of all the childhood abuse types and I am bipolar. That led to PTSD, repetition compulsion, anxiety, etc.

I am not a professional. So, please take my words with a grain of salt.

I am quite sure that you are judging yourself not as yourself, but, from your projections of what others think. The expectations, opinions, and feeling of what you lack/how you are failing your family. I would bet, that just like in my case that others hold you in higher esteem then you hold yourself.

Usually a combination of drug therapy and talk therapy is the best combination in this case. If that is so, I cannot say.

I have been laid off from my job too. I worry too. But unlike the other time I was laid off in '94, I am not consumed. If we run out of money, we will sell the house, or sell our retirment investments. I have intrinsic value beyond that of a bread winner. I am a good parent, and a good friend. I have survived much, and still continue to grow.

I am sure many people care about you, respect you, want your company. Please get help so that you may be able to let your guard down, and let them do just that.

Please take care,
Walt