ignorance

in case you didn't see my other post, i want somone to listen


we judge, but we have no idea..


so i'll start, please don't judge me anymore, maybe you will all understand why i am the way i am after i tell you all this, maybe you could tell me who i am


i have been mentally and emotionally abused for my entire life by my parents

yes i smoke weed, it makes me happy

do you know where i live?

i live in a house in lower TN where the weather gets down to the 30s regularily, and i have never had heat in my house

my roof in my room leaks

and i probably have mold somwhere, or espestice in my house

my dad has had a frontal lobe injury, and thats why he only cares about the dogs

he doesn't love me, he isn't real

my momther has to work because my father won't make enough money for us to eat

even though he's a chiropractor

he's just inexpenzive, but we could be well off, remember he's, it's like he has no soul, because of the frontal lobe injury, o well, he slammed throught the windshield going about thirty, and then came back out and wnet out the door and tumbled about 30 feet or so and was in a coma for about 2 weeks, and he was abused all his life by his mother and stepfathers

my mother comes from a rich family, where her father was a workaholic, and he mother was the perfect housewife that didn't appreciate her daughter and told her that she was fat

he started beating my mother when they first got married, she went to the hospital a few times

he had to stop when she got pregnant

i am so paranoid, i have been afraid that he was going to hit me, or worse rape me at times, my father really creeps me out

and yet my mother has still not taken us away from him

she has been saying since i was at least 12, that we are going to move, and that things are going to get better, i am 19, and things have gotten worse...

my father picks our dogs fleas, manually with his fingers, it's discusting

we have a few field mice living in our house

oh, and did i mention the roaches

we used to have 7 dogs, we live on less than an acre of land, and the dogs used to live in the house, well the three left still do...and he wants to start breeding again, to start a pack"

i want to be taken away, far away, where he cna't yell at me anymore, where niether of thm can judge me, and i can just breathe, and be happy, and live, and love

and everytime that i get close

i get turned away

nobody wants me, i am unloved, as always, this is proof that "God" does not exist

if he did, and he loved me, then why would he have sent so many people into such horrible places as this

oh, and did i mention? our plumbing doesn't work, and my roof leaks, hah, one time i had ants invade my room, so i got the vacum to suck them up, what did my dad have to say, i'll be damned if you want ME to go to wal mart tonight to get some ant killer

i wasn't stupid! i didn't ask, i was just vacumming up the millions of ants pouring into my room and ant larve and ant sacks of babies, i supposed, they looked like worms, worms make me throw up

survival of the fittest, it is in this life, my sister has survived and gone off on her own and is teaching a college class and getting paid to be a student in graduate school, what's going to save me? i sure as hell do not have her brain...

i wish that i could just go back to my chilhood, where i didn't have to think about all these things, i didn't have this mind that entraps me as i do now, that i was free-er in my ignorance, in my belief of santa, and that majic is real

humans are sick u know?

You have no doubt been through a lot of hard times in your young life, to say the least. My heart breaks for you to say the least. But don't doubt that people care for you. You have a large support group on this site alone. I may not know you personally to feel love for you, but I most certainly feel compassion and care for you as a person. Yuo are a real person and whether you feel you can accept it or not, you have true worth and value.

You are now 19....are you by chance continuing your education or do you work...do you feel you are in a finacially secure situation where you could seek your own place to live and leave this current situation? Are there assistance programs in your community that would help you get a fresh start on your own....help you find a job, etc.? We have those in my community which leads me to ask........

thank you, very much

i do not know if there are progrmas, but this is not living, i just got laid off from my job, and will be lookign for a new one soon, hopefully i'll get one, idk, i've thoguth about moving out, my sister supports the idea, but i told my mother and she shot it down hard man, she just said that thats impossible! i dk, maybe she just wnats control over me, but at the same time, she wnats me to take care of her, sigh, it's just awful, but thank you for the support, whats the name of the places that help young people, maybe we would have our own chapter that i could call upon, thank you again:)

You are past the age of 18....your mother has no legal say in this...moving out is soley your choice...and it sounds like there are so many RIGHT reasons to leave and so many WRONG and hurtful reasons to leave. Your moving out does not equate to your cutting ties w/ yuor family....it just means you are finding that space you need on your own to establish yourself as your own person....an adult in society!

yeah

My aunt wants me to come and move in with her, to kinda spur on my mother to go ahead and move out, and I want to go and live there right now, but I can't due to the fact that I would probably be there for months, and from last time i stayed, i don't think she would want that. my aunts a little bit wierd, she has eight kids, and lost her wonderful husband about 4-5 yrs ago, and her mom was pretty loopy, so yea. I'm kind of afraid to live up there, because last time when I was told that I could stay as long as I wanted, I was sorta kicked out after a month~ So i'm not really sure how it would go to live up there, oh it's 45 mins away on a nearby mt. and it's a wonderful home, I could get some real rest and relaxation up there, and they have a whole upstairs loft that I could stay in, my only fear is that I'll be kicked out as soon as I start to get comfy, I don't know, I think that I will try and butter her up a bit more and see if I could stay for longer, maybe, anywho, thats the updates on living conditions. Oh, and I really must get out asap, because my dad got in a fight with my brother just the other day and it scared me so much, it just brings back all of the abuse from him, everytime he has that tone of voice, goodness I hate it. I want out of here, But I don't know how long my aunt would let me stay for, so it's kind of a dilema, cause if i do move up there now, and it's to kinda push my mom out, it might never happen, cause righ tnow, she's just started teaching school again, she's 2nd grade teacher:) but i just thought of somthing, she isn't taking classes at the college this semester, so she would have alot of free time, maybe I should jump upon this offer, and maybe my mom would go ahead and "jump out" lol, I sure would miss tv! but i guess i could get into the internet more, and reading, and crafts, well, thanks for reading! if you made it this far, sorry it's all ran together, but i was too tired to type it nicely:) okies, well bybye everyone, have a wonderful day ya'll!