Death

I havent wanted to actually die since I was about 19 but how much more can i take man?????

i mostly just wish i was never born but as it stands right now i wish i was f***ing dead. I hope i die in my sleep tonight, please let me die in my sleep ASAP.

ive been trying to stay off this site because it usually makes me more sad but now it's like i dunno what to do? im 22, i have a uni degree which i should have taken something else, i cant get a ######6 job that has a decent wage even when i look in the middle of nowhere, noone calls me back, the ones that do I dont get the job, im ugly, i have no outlook for my future, i would like a kid eventually because i think i have a strong mind and i want to pass that on, i want to moveaway from this city but i have no place that i actually desire to move to. i just wanna die

like...i just dont get it, i had a bunch of bad things happen to me as a kid and it's like..why cant i at least be super smart or super pretty??? why me? why

I feel like talking about this wont even do anything, i just wish i had a therapist, but i cant afford one. does anyone know free therapists in canada??

please someone help me, the only good thing i can see in my life is death..and my dad but i dont even deserve him.

Maybe you can hang out with your dad and do something fun with him, or just share an experience? Go on a long walk, or go cycling, or whatever. Spend time with him.

I'm afraid the unemployment issue is very universal, but you do indicate that you want to move somewhere else. Maybe you can start looking on the internet for places you might want to leave and where you can get a good job with a decent wage. Or look for a job first, and that'll automatically land you in a city.

Go shopping for new clothes, go to the hairdresser's, have a manicure and pedicure - just spoil yourself. Once you have a job, you can start looking for a therapist. When you have a therapist, you can work on getting better. When you're better, you can start dating and maybe you'll find that person to have a kid with.

You're 22, you have lots of options!

Ah, down in the dumps I see. I will be there shortly, once I go back to university. I think this time it may be different though because I am aware of how irrational depression makes me and I have medication. I am in a similar situation, except I'm 23 and in school because of the military.

I too thought that maybe talking to a therapist would help me, but it doesn't help. Therapists are too kid-gloved to tell you when you're full of $#%^ so you end up doing all the thinking and work yourself. They just delay you by allowing you to wrongly cast responsibility for yourself upon them.

It does help to verbalize your thoughts though. You should write them all down and question and revise each one so that it reflects reality. Be certain that they are all logically consistent. Also say them aloud. Many sentences can read well, but when spoken they sound batshit crazy.

You could order some fluoxetine online or go to your gp and have him prescribe it. It is very cheap and effective. I've just started this myself at 20mg/day. Medication may not be what you want but you just have to listen to yourself and decide whether you want to be at this point again or not. If you're like me you'll fight it and tell yourself that you don't need drugs, but you will come to a point where you see your irrational behavior and know you are unable to stop through willpower alone.

Also observe others who've fought the same fight and learn from them.

Please forgive this rough, disjoint post. I've got to go.

When you're not too depressed to do stuff, you could try writing stuff down but I wouldn't advise reflecting on it or looking over it as it only makes you feel worse. I disgree with all these people who say that you should think about why you're unhappy. I don't know much about how you are but I don't find any self-help book or depression work book useful. Either write or break something. People might say that that isn't very positive but if you're destroying something then you are too busy to be doing it to yourself. Sorry, this probably isn't much use. I've also gone beyond the point of suicide and I'm often just lying there waiting to die.

hey guys,

thanks so much for replying. I hope you're all ok...i know it's hard to try and console someone else when you're f***ing so depressed yourself.

I usually get super mad/ sad really fast and really profoundly and then im "normal" again (my normal is still depressed) but that happened yesterday. After I got rejected for another job I was sad...then i said ...F**K IT...ILL JUST TAKE THIS PAIN AND THIS REJECTION AND MAKE IT PUSH ME HARDER. and so i applied for 5 more jobs lol and today ill do the f***king same. F**K THE WORLD, WE CANT LET IT BRING US DOWN.

see...ill think like that but then ill get so sad again. like i went home and fell asleep and woke up really sad like so sad..lately i hvent been crying but i was crying and wanted to die so i call the suicide hotline for the first time..it kinda helped but i could tell once i was calmed down she wanted to get off the phone to help someone else.

i guess being f***king depressed isnt serious unless u have a gun to ur head.......