Apathy

Do you ever worry about how you would react to an event? I've been depressed my whole 'non child' life and very apathetic to almost everything. Like, if I won a million dollars, I wonder if i'd be ecstatic- couldn't stop smiling, or would I just be satisfied that I have lots of money... But not 'jumping with joy'. Or- if I had a child, and he or she was born.. How would I feel the first time I look into my childs eyes? Would I feel overwhelming emotion, would I cry? or would I not care much, not cry...
I know it sounds so stupid but I worry about this stuff all of the time. I just see how emotional some people are and I am very jealous. I worry I won't react to certain life events appropriately... Anyone know what I'm saying?

There is a difference from showing emotions and being emotional.
The fact that you worry about this shows that you do care, i suspect that the reason you think you dont is because yo do not react as others do.

I have a very flat affect 3/4 of the time. Didn't cry when my daughter was born, when my parents divorced, when I separated, etc. It's just not something I do often. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate how the event or situation is life-changing and make room for changes. My best friend says that life beat all the expressions of emotion out of me. Maybe she's right.

The people who have an easy time emoting are a mystery to me. Wish I could be more like them as well so people wouldn't get so confused. It's not really for my own benefit that I wish I would be more "normal", but for others around me who don't understand it.

I don't think you have much to worry about, BonjourJakk. If you recognize the situation for what it is and what can happen, the experience isn't lost on you.

Teafood wrote:There is a difference from showing emotions and being emotional.
The fact that you worry about this shows that you do care, i suspect that the reason you think you dont is because yo do not react as others do.

You are right, there is a difference. I know that I do care about people/things. It just baffles me how emotional some (not all) people are. I know a few people who cry infront of me almost every time they are discussing a serious topic involving their life. I haven't cried in front of someone since like age 12. I cry in private. Or... some people get very excited over 'nothing'. My brother will sit in his room and watch funny videos by himself and will laugh hysterically. Personally, when I'm watching a funny video, I smile on occasion, I don't LOL much. my Granddad is seemingly pleased by the most simple things.. talking to someone on the phone, and he will just be laughing away. And aftarwards I can tell he feels refreshed and perhaps elated because of the conversation. I just wish I was remotely easily amused, or on the other hand.. Able to express my sadness through crying etc...

ladyswan wrote:I have a very flat affect 3/4 of the time. Didn't cry when my daughter was born, when my parents divorced, when I separated, etc. It's just not something I do often. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate how the event or situation is life-changing and make room for changes. My best friend says that life beat all the expressions of emotion out of me. Maybe she's right.

The people who have an easy time emoting are a mystery to me. Wish I could be more like them as well so people wouldn't get so confused. It's not really for my own benefit that I wish I would be more "normal", but for others around me who don't understand it.

I don't think you have much to worry about, BonjourJakk. If you recognize the situation for what it is and what can happen, the experience isn't lost on you.

thats a very good statement: ' life beat all the expression out of me.' I certainly relate to that. I was over the top emotional (as in crying everyday) from age 10 through 13. I literally stopped within a couple weeks and became, like you said you are: 'flat affect' and I haven't changed, at age 22: very apathetic-
outwardly unemotional

I know. People who are emotional are a mystery to me too. The way I see it is, the older you get, the more 'hardened' you become. The older you get, the more s##t you see, life becomes less intense, more mundane overtime, what used to be exiting becomes mildly amusing. Thats the way I've experienced life and I'm only 22. Things don't affect me like they did 10 years ago. So why do some people cry often or laugh all the time, why are things always so interesting to them. I don't know., makes no sense to me.


I know.