Depression or Bipolar II?

Hello, this is my first post, I'm just a little overwhelmed, not quite sure what is going on or what is happening. Diagnosed clinical depression, had to drop out of university and was very opposed to drugs for a long time, (didn't like the idea of 'happy pills') eventually gave in, put me on cipralex 20mg and after 6 weeks no effect beyond making me feel more energetic and anxious, still pretty depressed though, so they added seroquel 25mg which I understand is a baby dose but it at least gave me a good night sleep and then started counselling and resolved some conflicts with my parents and before long was feeling much better, getting sleep is half the battle with depression imo, thought great this is all over. Except the anxiety... I get panic attacks, can't breath and think and believe ridiculous things like my roomate is about to murder me. Then the depression started to come back... I researched bipolar ii, here's the thing, I lost weight instead of gained, can't sleep as opposed to sleep too much so don't fit some of the criteria but I have had energetic/irritable periods, often very short, less than a few weeks with long depression after. (few months) Has been going on since early adolescence I think but stress from school made things really bad with a depressive episode, realized everything going on was just too much and there was something wrong. Anyways I don't know if I have ever had hypomania or not, I had never considered bipolar ii until recently when I felt I was having really quick mood swings and being more irritable then normal, although not very depressed, kind of took on too many activities and started having those thoughts and withdrawing again, starting to crash even with the seroquel sleep is disturbed again. Anyone else have similar experiences? My understanding of bipolar ii is that the suicidal thoughts are not as intense, I understand it can be a very complicated condition however and at the time I have these thoughts, usually under a lot of stress from school, work or family. Also seroquel is used to treat bipolar in higher doses, I'm not sure if this makes things more complicated or not.

also, I am male, 21, history of abuse (not parents) but no known family history of depression or bipolar. My dad was adopted so full history is not known and he had mild anxiety for a while when I was young. My mom is a very conservative Christian and I was strictly raised not to live sinfully, ie no drugs or premarital sex, I do get bad into alcohol sometimes though (once when on these meds, that was scary, never do that again) if this helps anyone give any advice. I have an okay relationship but am not close with my parents.

Hi running 613

Sorry to hear you're struggling with things a bit. Depression can show itself in different ways- some people find they sleep too much and others find they just can't sleep- I've been through stages of both. The weight loss/gain is the same too- some people find they gain weight from eating more and others lose weight from lack of appetite. Depression can cause a lot of irritability too- and it wouldn't be helped by the anxiety either. Your right that seroquel is used a lot for people with bipolar, but it is sometimes used in lower doses to help people with depression too.

Are you still having the counselling to help you out? Would you be able to ask the doctor if they think bipolar might be a possibility?

Hey

I'm so sorry about your troubles! Usually the beginning is the hardest. Realizing there is a serious problem can be mentally and physically draining. Believe me, once the shock wears off and you accept the issues it will make dealing with them alot easier. You will start to understand yourself alittle more and notice patterns in your behaviours. It will get easier!

My sibling has the most serious Bi-Polar Disorder, so I am not too familiar with the less intense versions. But to me it does not sound like you are having these 'grandiose' or 'manic' episodes. It can take some time to be able to address the situation accurately, because BPD is kind of unpredictable. For example you could be in an incredibly low depressive state for years, and then go through a manic episode, or you could even have intense swings throughout the day. My sibling will go from tears, bawling, to totally okay in an instant. It is rather scary, unpredictable, and very, VERY intense.

I really think your condition is NOT BPD. I am pretty sure you can rest assured!
Your weight fluctuation is normal, anti-depressents can change your weight, sure. But so can STRESS! I used to get many, many anxiety attacks, everyday. But over the years they have become very rare for me. So believe me, it will get better! It could be the medications, you may be stressed about leaving school—the uncertainty in your future or whatnot. These will all sort themselves out. You did the right thing by taking care of your health first. My sibling and I also had to drop out of school for rehab, so you are not alone!! Health is always first.

I think you should be confident in your good choices. It sounds like you are very self-aware and are taking care of the situation. I would give the meds some time before really deciding if they are working or not. Sleep can make you go crazy, I had terrible insomnia, and I started taking 'melatonin'. It is a natural herb. But ask your doctor before taking it to make sure its compatible with your meds. The anxiety could also be linked to your abuse? Perhaps the situation with your roommate is a trust issue with people from it? I know the feeling and I totally empathize with you!

If I can suggest keeping a diary, you can jot down throughout the day how you are feeling throughout the day, even if it is just point form. That way you can monitor your behaviour and emotions, and maybe notice what type of situations bring on each emotion.

Anyways I am sorry for rambling, I truly hope you feel better. Know that you have a giant forum of people here for you! Let us know how you are doing. Take care!!

Hey! Turns out I am Bipolar II. I finally got to the end of a waiting list for a psychiatrist and in that time I was with a counsellor and realized (somewhat reluctantly and initially with denial) that I have truely had periods of increased energy, many ideas, high productivity and inflated self-image. My cycles had become more frequent with the antidepressants. The psychiatrist said that it is common to forget these periods especially during a depressive phase. Beyond realizing some mild hypomania counselling this entire time (with different counsellors) has not been particularly helpful except to convince me of need for more patience. My parents had initially denied clinical depression thinking me a very happy kid but with this diagnosis they are more accepting. I'm now on increased seroquel since I started on it already and they want to keep tweaking the meds until we get a good combination... Feel pretty normal at the moment, I guess lesson learned, the bipolar spectrum is very wide and turns out my grandma very well may have been some kind of bipolar... also my dad has been diagosed with OCD! Amazing what you learn when you open up and start asking questions. On the road to recovery, going back to school in January. --running613

Since 2003 my diagnosis was always "depression and anxiety". I'm with you, I did NOT want medication! I worked hard with a psychologist for about a year, before I finally tried medication. I was very reluctant and started very low. It helped. I had a major downer though in 2004. I stopped seeing my doctors for about 8 months. That's what happens when you get so down. The low point was 2005 when I was obsessing with and planning suicide. At that point I was up to the following meds: 60 mg Celexa, Trazadon at night (I don't remeber how much, but it was a very small dosage) The Traz helped me not have anxiety in my dreams. I had very vivid dreams and was not rested. It was like having all the anxiety of the day that was taken care of with meds coming screaming out while I tried to sleep, which resulted in major paranoia! I did try Ceraquel for this but it made me dizzy and loopy so I went back to the traz. I was also taking .5 mg of Klonopin for anxiety as needed- those major attacks. Looking back though, I can't even believe it was me! I'm so grateful for the amazing treatment I have received. Last summer 2011 I took the MMPI assessment. It came back really high on the bipolar side of things. I had been fighting this diagnosis for years! I had it suggested several times, but I did not want to face that. It had such a stigma for me. I'm slowly accepting especially because the treatment I've received for it has been more successful that what I was at a year ago. (Sorry, this is long, but I hope you'll get some insight...) A year and a half ago I was having a lot more anger and outburts of intense emotion. I was getting so angry and irritable. I went back to see the psychiatrist and had the MMPI done with a psychologist. The psychiatrist told me that taking an anti-depressant can make the mania in bi-polar manifest as irritability and anger. TAH DAH! I'm not going to say that it's all sunshine and daisies, but it does feel good to be on the right track. I started last summer on Lamictal. You have to work up to proper dosage because of potential side effects. By this point I had two kids, had dropped klonopin and trazodone because they aren't recommended through pregnancy and breast feeding and I hadn't gone back. My dosage on Celexa had been increased to 80 mg daily in 2006. We started Lamictal then slowly tapered off Celexa because of the recommendations of the FDA (high dosage of Celexa can cause a heart issue). I was still having a bit of anxiety after stopping the Celexa, it was what was keeping that in check. So now, I'm back to Klonopin on an as needed basis. I take it maybe once every two to three weeks.

Remember Bi-polar II is different than Bipolar-I. That is key. Bi-polar II has less mania and more depressive. The dips on the depressive side are deeper than the ups on the manic side. (I wish I could show you the chart my Dr. drew for me.) Just think of it like mountains and valleys. The valleys are deeper below sea-level than the mountains are above sea level. Does that make sense? I hope this helps you in understanding what I've found to help me out.

If I could offer you one piece of advice with living with mental illness it is to keep doing exactly what you are doing. Open up a huge circle of supporters. Let them in to what's going on. I sometimes feel like I'm a burden, but people who love me don't want to see me hurt. Good luck to you on your search.