how to tell her?

okay so i wrote a letter to my therapist, through camhs to basically tell her i hadnt been honest with her, each time i went to see her shed ask how i was and things and id always say yeah im fine and everythings ok at home, it wasnt, and still isnt. i just cant cope with it much anymore. she was surprised at the letter and phoned me to ask how i was, i lied again and said i was okay.

why the hell do i do that!? sorry for swearing. how stupid is that, why would i say that, the one person who can help me. So in the letter i mentioned suicidal thoughts, and she asked about them, i said i had them daily, and to deal with them i wrote them down and went for walks, thats not the case, to deal with them i self harm a lot, at least once a day now and quite bad, only by my standards.

my question is, how can i tell her about this? its really disrupting my life at the moment, its all i think about and something i need to do. i need to cope, and i cant, im not coping. each hour is a struggle, let alone a day. my parents are horrible to me, always have been. bad verbal emotional and occasionally physical abuse has left me scarred. i dont know what to think anymore, but i dont see a way of progressing with life, AT ALL. sorry if this is triggering, i just really need advice.

im sorry i cant really help, but i will say i am in a similar situation my self, when i come out of the fog for a few moments and realize i feel the same way why the frig didn't i tell them the truth that i am really not. hope you figure it out and if you do let me know what you find out

Hi Jess,

Sorry to hear about all your problems, hopefully you are doing ok today. You really need to open up to your therapist if you want to make progress. If you are having a hard time doing it perhaps you just don't feel comfortable opening up to this woman. Maybe a different therapist would work out better for you?

Maybe next time you see her you can take in a note explaining the things you would like to talk about but actually have a hard time saying?

It sounds like you live with your parents and if they are abusing you, you need to get away from them. If you do live with them please, please, please get away from that environment.