what should i do

TO get help and get worse while getting it or continue to fight on own.

i have been suffering from major depressive disorder aka clinical depression... i hate to talk about verbally about things, i have attempted to get help, but after being asked the same questions over and over and being made to repeat it all out loud, its actually only wearing me down faster, and i find my self getting angry.
how do i get the help i need with out constantly having to relive all my thought that are in my head out loud, i have actually found my self getting so tired and frustrated to the point that by near the end of the conversation i just say what i think is best and normal and agree to doing almost anything and i actually forget what i agreed to because by time i agree i am so overwhelmed and just want to get out of office...
what do i do to get help, but also be able to be completely honest with out getting too overwhelmed

i have been to emergency twice once a friend made me go by threatening to call police if i didn't go and second time i went with a RN i have been seeing. the second time i tried just keeping my eyes closed so that i could focus on the questions and answering them and not breaking down... by time an few hours passed i agreed to stuff and left i was almost in a rage... took me over 24 hours to calm my self down...

Jennie, I can relate. I get pissed off having to explain my feelings. It just gets me down even more. I feel like I don't know what to even say, and when I try... it just makes me even more angry because A) I didn't say it right or B) It just reminds me that $#%^ isn't going to get any better by just talking about the same thing over and over again. It makes me want ANSWERS.

Is it possible that it's not facing your problems that frustrate you, but that you feel that you're not adequate enough to express them in their entirety also?

Hi Jennie

I have the same problem talking about my issues too. I know what you mean about it wearing you down. I've been through a lot of different therapists and doctors (I've finally found good ones now though), where every time I started with someone new, I'd have to relive everything again. With my last few "introductions" to new therapists and doctors, I have written out my history and taken it along with me to the session, and said to them that I'm happy to discuss everything but x, y and z on that list- I'll talk about those when I'm ready, but everything else is fine. I now go to my sessions quite frequently with a random assortment of my problem thoughts on paper and hand it to my therapist. He reads it and we discuss it further, but it takes away the problem of me having to bring a topic up to start with. I've found it the best way for me to do it without becoming totally overwhelmed.

Hugs
Lily