major depression with psychotic features

anybody else been diagnosed with such? looking for other stories i guess, just drop me a line

ok---, i need to specify a bit i guess, or well maybe noone else has had this, well this and the shizophrenic forum are as close as i'm going to get to my sickness.

well, it all started, when i was very young. my father is a bully, and has emotinally, adn mentally abused me for my entire life, sadly, to this date. adn in highschool, i was kind of ok for awhile when i wa sin band freshman and sophmore years, but i quite for various reasons, and the friends that i thought that i had, just disappeared, kind of left me out of their lifes, because i quit band. but here's when things got wierd, i became so depressed that i became delusional. i read my bible and prayed in my room for at leats two hours a day, usually did that instead of homework, and said, well it's for god, i doubt when i get to heaven, that he'l care what i made in history. well, the one friend that i did have, i gave up, telling her that since she wasn't saved, i didn't think that god wanted us to be very close, so sad, she used to be my best friend, for at least four yrs, i'm still kicking myself, but hey, it wa sa delusion, i guess it wasn't really me right? well, so i tried to become friends with these kids my age in my church, but they just snubbed me out of their group, they didn't care about me, noone did, except god. well, so for about a yr and a half, he wa sthe only "person" or friend that i talked to/had.period. and then i branched out,a dn got hurt again, and again, and then college, and depression got worse. it's hard to remember it all, i just remmeber having crying spells all of the time. and then my eyelid twitching for about a month straight, it always did that when i was extremely stressed out. well whats next, well a blissful time with will, my lover, btu at the same time, it was like fire and ice, i guess...hmm....well, anyway, he was depressed at the time as well, and i was ignoreing mine, so was he to his, and well, somtimes things became explosive, quite, never pysically violent or anything, just horrible otherwise, with the things he said, and i guess under my happy exterior, lay a wasteland, death inside, but i was becomeing so strung out that i didn't realize what was happening...and then, all of a sudden......



oooo---suspense------


unless, you've given up reading my long ass story, anyway

one night, well at this time, i was off and on delusional, minor really, like thinkning that i was in love with a girl in my dorm, nothing really huge and horrible, like it's about to get to.

well, one night the fight was so bad, and got my mind so strung out, that suzy came out

suzy the little girl that lives in the back of my head and tells me mean things, like how to kill myself, how to kill others, deliciously evil ways, pyschotic right? well then my friends had some sense,so i got hospitalized, and long story short, i tried abilify, had an allergic reaction, then wa smoved to risperdal, which worked great for the thoughts, flashes of lights, and paranoia that i had at the worst time during this all.....and prozac, which i'm about to ask to be prescribed again because i just can't handle this all right now on my own, my home depresses me too much, i'm not really passing my classes, and i just think about suicide everyday, but things are really better, because suzy no longer exists, and i only see a few flashes everyday, which is ######6 good compared to the way it is at the worst. well i guess thats all for now, please reply if you have had the same diagnosis and would like to tlak about how this is so hard to deal with, i would gretaly appreciate any openess, well, goodnight.

yes i have also been diagnosed as depression with psychotic features. I dont know about you but I see people in my room and I am very paranoid about people being behind me. When I walk in my own house I would have to turn around and check behind me to make sure nobody was following me. I could literally feel a presence behind me and it was driving me nuts! But now that I'm on risperdal a lot of those symptoms have decreased drastically so I'm doing much better now. Just thought I share that with you.

yay! i've been waiting for a response for days!!!!!!

thank you for shareing, it helps that somone else is like me, i have thankfully, thakns to risperdal and prozac gotten rid of the paranoia, wow, your symptoms are just like mine used to be, i'd be constantly checking under things and behind me, i was sooo paranoid. neat how the same medicine worked on us both:) i got over my depression for awhile, but it's coming back, i just hope the "psychotic features" don't as well, u know

Yeah its also good to hear from someone else suffering from the same symptoms as me. I am also on prozac 30 mg and it seems to be helping a lot with my depression, but I still sometimes feel like people are behind me and stuff. I had to drop out of college in september because I thought people were staring at me, but I plan on attending college again this January on these meds so hopefully I will be able to finish without any problems. Are you afraid to work? With me I am scared to talk or be around people becasue I think I'm going to embarass myself or something. I've been diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features but I think I have some other stuff wrong with me too, like avoidant personality disordor or something along those lines. Anyways it was nice hearing from you I feel a little better knowing that I'm not the only one going through this.

wow, you sound like me, yeha i had to drop out of school last year spring semester, the week before finals, becasue thats when i started having episodes, and needed to go into the hospital, yeha i feel the paranoia as well, i was stupid though i went off meds, and i was fine til all the pressure of school came back, now i'm "major depression" again,and i just want to kill myself, and the hard thing is i know easy ways to do it! but i just won't becasue i knwo too many people would be heartbroken over it, so i won't, and i just keep living this nightmare. schools goign really bad right now, i've gotten so stressed with work and it, that i'm now failing, i just can't do it all! and when i told my now ex-bf this, he just called me lazy,a dn the wierd thing is, he's had depression before, well sort of, see i think he has narsasistic personality disorder, which basically comes off as selfish and greedy,a dn there's alot that has to do with that, but i had to break up with him for good the other night because i just couldn't take himnot caring about my feelings anymore, and all i wnat righ tnow is to see a doctor, so badly. but my therapy appointment is not until dec. 6, which just feels like forever away, in the meantime, i just continue to get worse and worse, and i think i'm having delusions again, ug. i hate this, don't you?

moramind wrote:i just want to kill myself, and the hard thing is i know easy ways to do it!

please share these easy ways

I do not have psychotic features but i definitely feel like i am losing my mind. i am going to have to chat with my doctor about increasing the dose of prozac 20 mg just isnt cutting it

ok, i'm not shitting when i know what can do it easily, but i really will not help you in siucide, somone loves you and wants you here, ok? so no i will not share my ideas.


and to patmm300- yeha 20 didn't cut it quite for me either, but 30 may do it, always go up when you don't feel comfortable:) i did each time the risperdal needed to be upped, it was usually when i still found that i had bothersome paranoia, or could still see lights, or feel like demons were going to get me. thanks for posting!