I really messed up.

Excuse this format, I'm scattered thinking.


So I'm on zoloft. 100 MG originally. Anyway, been over a month or so since they've dropped me down to 50. Meh either way. I was depressed on the 100, I'm depressed on the 50. the only thing it got rid of was my anxiety a bit. Anyway, hilarious story for you all.

I was heading downstairs as my mom was coming up. She says something to me, and I laugh. Then she says to me "Aw, I left the meat out that I went to the store to get today. it spoiled."
I responded by clutching my head and going "No! You F****** moron!" as well as a few more choice words. I just lost it. the anger came from nowhere.

Needless to say, she's devastated and pissed. I tried to apologize, to explain I think it's the meds, but she had none of it. I can't blame her really. were the situations reversed, I'd be pissed. But that's the problem. I don't feel guilty. I want to, but I don't. as I was trying to apologize, I could not help but break out laughing. I doubled over during it.

I don't want to reup the meds, though they were the only things that stabilized me to begin with. We just don't click, the zoloft and me.
I guess I'm not sure what to do. I feel really bad at the moment, have since I woke up. It's why I lashed out at my mom. in regards to that, I really only feel bad because it's an inconvenience. It will take days until things are normal again, and I hate awkwardness above all else.

Basically, am I some sort of sociopath? Shouldn't I feel more guilt, or something?

I don't think you're a sociopath based on this one experience, honestly.

I think it very well could be the medication, but there are so many other factors that could go into this that I don't think anyone here could possibly tell you what could be the cause of your lack of guilt this one time.

If you're having concerns with your mood while you are on your medication, the best thing to do would be to talk with your doctor about it.