PLEASE HELP IDENTIFY! Detachment, Depression, Anxiety!

Hello,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to put this in; please forward or move it if there is a more appropriate forum.

I am desperately seeking help with a condition which is a mystery to myself, and which I have lived with for 47 years. It started when I was 17 years old, a week after I had a very high fever--I'm not sure if this was a contributing factor or not--but I was standing pouring tea one day and my mind felt as if it were "racing backward" and then it abruptly "stopped", and I felt extremely anxious and nervous and scared. There was also a feeling of depression, and what can only be described as "detached" from life, from emotional experiences. I feel as if I am "looking through a window onto the world". This condition controls me, and I cannot elevate myself out of it through sheer willpower. At the same time, I am self-aware that this condition has a hold of me.

Since this day, this feeling has never left me, although I have been in treatment for Depression and Anxiety. I have been on numerous anti-depressants, as well as anxiety medications through the years. These have mitigated the condition somewhat, but never cured or abated it. Sometimes I have episodes where I feel as if I "slip back" and become more depressed and "detached" and anxious, but I never seem to "get back" to where I was. In good days, I have been able to somewhat "push back" this feeling, but on other days, it's impossible. Everything, no matter where I am, feels the same--dull, like I"m in a vacuum, blah. I want to be able to find some excitement and contentment in life, and in my gardening, and life in general. I'm not unrealistic about life's ups and downs; I just want to feel "normal" and good.

In the past, I have taken Celexa, and Lithium, as well as other anti-D medicine.

Recently I started ECT therapy and taking Nortriptyline HCL and Perphemazine to augment the ECT therapy. I have also been taking medication such as Clonozepam for anxiety. I am also seeing a counselor once a week.

My therapists have been unable to issue a concrete definition of what this condition is called, therefore, the therapy is hit-and-miss. I am looking for anyone who may have experienced, or IS experiencing the same things? Years ago, in the late 60's or early 70's, in the Parade magazine that came with the Sunday paper, I read an article by a gentleman who had experienced the same symptoms that I had, and described it to a "T"; I have been unable to find it again, however. If anyone knows what I'm talking about, I would love to hear from you. It could help me to find the key to this problem if I knew how to adequately described what I"m feeling.

It sounds like clinical depression. I am 45 and have had it 10 years. I had ect also. I have taken more anti-depressants than I can count. I am getting the word out as to what cured me. I stated taking vitamin d 4,000 iu a day. It helped some. Than I increased my dose to 10,000- 14,000 iu a day and I have been completely cured. Last December I was suicidal. For a long time now I have been HAPPY as long as I take my vitamin D. It's cheap, it's easy and I have ZERO side effects.

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758522

Ella,

Thank you for your suggestions, and I'm happy to hear that you found something that works for you. It sounds like you had Seasonal Affective Disorder, and the Vitamin D helped get you out of the gloom? I will take your suggestion under consideration, and speak with my doctor about the possibilities for myself.

Thanks again for your input.

If anyone else has suggestions or information, please post a reply to me!