Why you should face your emotions and not run away WARNING

by **Didact** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 10:08 pm

Today my depression hit me full force. After a series of tragedies I finally was able to block all of it out of my mind but today I read my doctors notes from a few months ago. If you read this please understand that I want to help you not make my mistake.

You cannot repeatedly try to fix peoples lives to feel better about yourself or the strain will break you.

-If you don't feel like reading my problems skip to the bottom and read the last four paragraphs.-

Name [redacted] Born a month away from the cousin that died, more like brothers than cousins
Mom - loving, overbearing
Father & fathers family - Very tough people - arguing - sometimes [redacted] plays peacekeeper

Substance abuse - he drinks alcohol to sleep at night

Social History - Has lots of friends, but only 4 close ones (now only 1)

Occupation - Student

Id - Male, jean, pullover shirt

Presenting problem - Not close to people - when do gets to close
-02/15/11-
Best friend died DEC 29 - he is trying to make sure everyone is ok - took care of her boyfriend and their friends -
Last Friday Cousin Died - in the exact manor as best friend - still upset - trying to take care of everyone
After cousins Funeral - gets one Facebook - friend since middle school in ER - rushes to find her and takes care of her until another person relieves him - Tried to work yesterday but was not able to

Was depressed in middle school (be warned zoloft will destroy your short term memory) Also concerns about adhd

No appetite - very tired no energy - sleeps through alarms and yelling

Classes - just doing it - welding classes- if lecture would be asleep

Still depressed and hyperactivity disorder issues

(this is were I lost it, I cried all the way home even though I felt so numb) Had dream about cousin - we were at grandmothers house - saw him we were little kids - he went outside and I followed - then it changes and were are our current age - in dream touched him and he was warm (compared to his cold skin when we laid him to rest)

PROGRESS- depressed mood, tears - feel overwhelmed and concerned about friends
Return 2 weeks

Name [redacted]

On way back from visiting second to last close friend -found out uncle (he says he now has only one close friend) had a heart attack - not want to go see, he mentally blocking it

1 to 10 -lvl of depression - 4 - whats helping spending time with friend - met roommate really hit it off - I have really fallen for her

Better than other times - whats helping ignoring the situation - when have something to do
Trying to decide but having guilt over - go to see friend and girl and try and have one day of happiness - or see 7 year old cousin and uncle

Last update: Visited friend but left for uncle - Held little cousin in his arms while his uncle was removed from life support - carried her to say final goodbye to corpse - said He now understands what its like to be a father, but something died with his uncle on the inside

Now
Axis V: Gaf = Current 55
Compared to age 15
Axis V: Gaf = Current 45 ( Frequent hand washing, ritually cleaned knives, dreamed of dying in a horrible accident taking father and others with me)

So here I am jobless depressed and down to two people who actually can communicate with me (my now girlfriend and her roommate). Now my family did not raise me to display all this lovey dovey emotion so I would like to depart with this:

If your depressed tell your depression to suck it, then go out be glad you are still alive and that there are their are millions of people who will be your friends and family. You may not find them immediately but they are there so think positive.

And if your suicidal and your going to go through with it think about this! You have a 100% risk of mortality, you can literally do what ever the heck you want! join the army, or go to a county that would benefit from your help with the precious little time you have. Become a monk and find inner peace, but whatever you do please do not kill yourself its not worth nearly as much attention as being able to say you survived depression because you did something you wanted to do for yourself.

This is our only chance at life and I for have decided if the depression gets me back to suicidal I might as well take a vacation to all the worst places a man could go, but its going to be one heck of a fight for depression to drag me all the way back down into the abyss.

Now go find help and make friends! Just know that as long as you are alive there are people here and other places here that will be your friends and be willing to listen to your problems if you listen to theirs.

Why you should face your emotions and not run away WARNING