please listen here i am going crazy please answer!

ok i am going to try to say this as quickly as i can

as you can see i have been bothered a lot lately with the question of if i really do have a chemical imbalance in my brain which causes depression or am i just a weak person who is stupid and cant deal with stress

i research mental health online everyday for some reason so i know all of the disorders and symptoms of everything that has to do with the mind.

i have been bothered lately because i am obsessing over whether i really have depression or not. it is easy enough to get the damn medicine from the psychiatrist when you can recite all the symptoms, but it is bothering me because i really have some of the symptoms i think but i do not know if they are to the full extent of what could be considered mentally ill. i do not know what i am going to do. it is very weird and it is increasingly starting to bother me.

i had OCD before about 2 years ago but i was never diagnosed but i learned to fight it of myself but sometimes i have some relapses but they never last long i am wondering if this is one of them or maybe for some reason i just "want" to be labeled as mentally ill or something i do not get it it seems like there might be some deep down "desire" in my mind that wants me to be crazy i do not know i am still very young only 15 years old so there are no financial benefits that are going to be available to me i am trying to find out where this weird obsession about mental illness is coming from. i research mental illness everyday probably for an hour on the internet and it is starting to bother me maybe i am just exagerating too much i am going to shut up now.

does anybody have any advice of what to do? do any of you people feel the same things? i would appreciate it SO SO much if you would answer with something

I do not have any answers. You would need to go to a professional who could give you a better idea. However, I do have a few thoughts.

Everyone, especially teens, have moods that swing up and down. Many people have periods of time where they are sort of down--for example when they do not know what the future holds--when they wonder will I get into college, will I get a good job, will I get a significant other? Some people are bothered by these things more than others. I do not know if you can say that you can't handle stress. I've always been a worrier, but because of that I have thought long and hard about decisions and consequences. Looking back I can see that I made some good decisions early on that had long ranging positive consequences. For example, I stuck it out in college even though it was very difficult the first year. As a result I landed a good job with excellent benefits. So being a worrier can have advantages.

One of the main criteria for judging if one has a mental illness is how much is it affecting your life. When it gets to the point where you miss so much school that you are failing several courses, you may need to see a professional. Mental illness, like depression, can cause us to lose years--I'm luckly, I just lost a few, some people lose decades. They go along, then around the age of 30 or 40 look back and they have gone no where while their peers finished college, obtained good jobs, and are now raising families.

There are a number of ways to deal with depression. Talking to a counselor or a professional is a good start. I describe my lifelong war with depression on my website. Pills do work for most people, but there are side effects and often people get on medication then stay on it all their lives.
Good Luck,
Jim S

Gosh, you sound like me!!

I also have researched mental illness A LOT on-line!! like so much!! ANd I thought I was bipolar, but now I don't believe I am. I kept struggling with trying to figure out whether I was mentally ill or not. It drove me crazy. I still dont' know if I am or not. I thought I was dealing with clinical depression, but then i thought I really wasn't that all of my problems were normal, then I talked to a counselor at camp, and she said that because I have had suicidal thoughts, something isn't normal and that I need to go to a doctor. I never did, and maybe I should ahve. But it's just crazy when you have so many people telling you so many different things, and you don't know who's right. I do get paranoid at times, I do have suicidal thoughts, I did used to cut, and I still self-injure at times, I obviously do have a few issues just like everyone else, but I still don't know if I really do have a mental illness. Sometimes I felt like maybe I just wanted to have one for some stupid reason. It was weird. But I was talking to some people here, partricularly one of our mods, and she was saying that whether I have a mental illness or not, I should probably seek some counseling and work on my problems. And if I do have a mental illness that needs to be treated wtih medication, then they'll find out and I can start taking it, but my problem may not be mental illness. It may just be that I have a problem in dealing with things.

I don't knwo if this is helpful or not, but I hope it is. At least you know someone else understands.

Sometimes I wondered and still wonder if I'm just making up my problems and making up my depression, but I know that isnt' true, because I really do get very depressed and I have wanted to kill myself many times.

~element

You said that you fought off OCD before. Perhaps you now need to fight off your newest obsession - Reading about mental illnesses.


It is impossible to say if you are depressed already but If you continue to obsess about mental illnesses then your life might begin a downward path. You need to stop worrying about what is wrong with you and get on with your life. There is a vicious combination of things happening to you:

--> Your worrying.
--> Your reasearching about why you are worrying

Just give the reasearch a break for a while and do some things that you know you enjoy.

My personal belief of how depression happens is similar to what my eastern religin teacher tought which is that when we stress or worry about negative or improper or stressful things that were told to us, or we focus on in a non logical,or constructive way, our bodies create stress hormones (one of the many different nurotransmiters we make) which can after even a relatively small amount of time spiral our body and mind down into a negative place. we must actively work at keeping positive as we solve,or work on solving our problems. I recomend you admire yourself for caring enough to reasearch mental health, but realize that the hormones going through you at this age are really intense ( they were for me too-I'd cry often, and I didn't know why I felt super sensitive to everything) Pms happens and all that and it can feel very out of control. Try to keep thinking positive,and dont be to hard on yourself, do some exercize to release stress and tention,eat lots of fruits and veggies and take vitamins to give your body and brain what it needs to function properly, you might want to learn about how to eat to help you go through that monthly time easier, if your family is influincing your stress talk to them, or talk to a counselor about how to do that so it actually works. You can write down the things that stress you out, and then find ways to solve them, or ask others how best to handle them if it is overwhelming for you. Your school should have a free counselor you can talk to for advice on anything, if not there are people at churches who can help. I believe that us humans have to take care of or body and spirit to be happy, and we have to take care of it to. Noboy is perfect. It is common for people to have some symptoms some of the time of many different disorders, but it is not serious. If it is seriosly affecting your life you should get help. If you dont know you can get professional help to find out. you dont have to label yourself anything These computers radiate energies that have been proven to be addictive, and it can be exiting to socialize with people, but like me we arent trained professionals who have heard all of whats going on with you- which is important
to realy diagnose anything like a dotor or someone could.
I wish you all the best of luck!
Treasure hunt for happiness, and fun!