Please help

this is going to be pretty long but please take the time to read it...
my name is kevin, i am 15 and have been struggling with depression for 6 years and post traumatic stress syndrom for 2 (i was raped at my school). i had been hiding my depression from my parents up until i slit my wrist while at a boarding school (they expelled me for that). after that i started trying to hide from reality by smoking (cigs not weed) and abusing cough meds. i was admitted to a phyciatric hospital for trying to od myself with alcohol... i spent a month there. im going to a private school right now, my parents put me there partly cause they dont really trust me anymore (cant say they dont have good reson tho). in know that this sounds like a cleshay but i have no friends. i spend all of my time surfing the web and things like that. recently ive started having panic attacks. sometimes i lash out on my family and dont even remember doing it. i just want to hit something. i feel like im such a horrible person and a complete waste of a life. all i want is to feel better and sadly the only thing ive found that works is getting stoned out of my mind. please i need some help

hi,

well you've come to a good place.
Most of us here have something to deal with.
I'm sorry that other people treated you badly.
That's going to take a long time for you to recover from.
The weed is going to take more than it gives. So it isn't what you want. I know it helps but experiencing the world without hiding should be something to strive for.
Just keep talking and talking, even if it doesn't help. You're doing yourself good if you can find someone else who also feels/thinks the way you do.