Help me

I've been feeling really down, more so than any other time, and more frequently... like, every day. I have visions of killing myself, dreams of it, hopes of it. I see myself stabbing my neck with a broken bottle, or a knife.

I stopped going to school at 14, because of stress from getting bullied by both pupils and teachers, I started having sleeping problems and the longer I didn't go to school, the harder it got to go back. I use to cut myself, but stopped when people started noticing.
At the start of school, I was confident, out going, loud, but now I'm the complete opposite. I have no confidence, I shy away from people I don't know, and hardly speak, apart from to those who I know, but not about my problems, I couldn't.
I have visions of what will happen when I die, not if.. when, because I know that I will never grow up to be a lot older than I am now (16), don't ask how I know, I just do, whether it be from killing myself or something else.
Another thing thats strange about me, is that, well, when I wish and pray for something, I get it, not bad things, but good things. I am being serious, I can make things happen.

I want to go on anti-depressents, but a doctor in the past told me that it doesn't generally work, is this true? Because I really don't want to see a psychiatrist.

I really think you should talk to an adult of some kind about how you are feeling. If you don't have someone you can open up to or are afraid of seeing a therapist call a hotline. Sometimes just talking about your feelings helps, even if it just for only a few minutes.
Recently I have been going through a lot myself and I was never the type of person to talk to anyone. First I called a hotline # and they convinced me to see a therapist. Once you start talking to someone your story comes out much easier than you thought it would. These people really care about all of us. Therapists do not judge or tell you what to do. They listen. If you go and find you don't commect with him or her try someone else. Also a lot of places offer a sliding pay scale, so sessions are affordable.
As for going to school, you should get some kind of education. I'm almost 30 and while I completed high school I never went to college. I never thought I was good enough for anything. I now wish I had an education so I can get a better job to provide for my daughter.
Why did you quit school? Was it because of other kids? Kids are really mean to eachother. I wasn't picked on in school but I definately wasn't popular. I didn't have friends really, but I got through it. Don't let other people keep you from getting your education.
Life is very hard when you are feeling depressed and like you have no self worth. I don't know you but I am sure you are a good, compassionate likeable person. Try to busy yourself with something or someone. Think about all those kids younger than you who are getting picked on in school, who have no friends and don't like themselves. Perhaps your job is to make their future better. Maybe you should be a big brother/sister. See people need you. The world needs you to make it a better place. You already have the compassion and understanding from your own experiences to help others. Who knows it might make you feel a little better too.

Me again: Those teachers must be lousy teachers for making you feel that way. They should be fired. You should report how they made you feel so they don't make other kids feel that way too.
Also I don't think you are weird. I get what I pray for too. GOD is listening and obviously answering some of us.

Sorry you feel so bad. School can be tough. I was a teacher for many years. I left before the regular retirement age because I did not believe in what I had to do. We spent a lot of time with meetings and paper work instead of working with the kids.

Anyway, antidepressants do work for many people. However, they do have side effects, and a few people get help with depression with other methods. Talking to someone would help you a lot. I hope you can continue your education somewhere. Without a high school education, your options are very limited.
Good Luck,
Jim S

I tried to stand up for myself against the teachers, but that made things worse. My dad wrote in letters to the head teacher (prinicipal), but to no avail, I wasn't believed, they thought I was lying, so... that didn't work out well.
For the job I'm wanting to do (horse riding instructor), nothing in school is going to prepare me for that. I have been horse riding for 10 years, I have worked in stables and I know almost all I need to know to become a riding instructor.
I'm sick of people telling me I need an education, I've been out of school since I was 14, and am relatively smart. I took my pre lims (which are the exams you take before your proper ones, so if you get lower marks in your proper ones, you can appeal for the grade in you prelims) and did well, considering I was without education for over a year when I took those.
As to the God thing, although I pray, I don't believe in God. I'm not Christian, I'm not really anything in the religion stakes. And DON'T judge me for not being Christian, I respect your beliefs, please respect mine.
remorseful, I find it hard to talk about my feelings, not typing them, obviously, but talking about them... Then again, the doctor I saw today is getting me an appointment with a psychiatrist (we don't have to pay over here, Scotland, well, I don't), so I'm going to give that a try, but I don't think talking does much help. I also got anti-depressents today, hopefully they will help.
BUT thanks all for trying to help.

The only reason I said you should have an education is because people in general judge others. I wouldn't want you to not be able to get the job you want and deserve because you don't have a stupid piece of paper. as for your tests: way to go! I never doubted that you were intelligent. It sounds like you have yourself a lot more together than you earlier gave yourself credit for. follow your dreams. My only advice would be finish taking those tests. It is good to hear that you have your dad to support your decisions. I definately do not judge you for not being a christian. Everyone has their own beliefs and who is to say who is wrong.