Where does one begin?

Howdy!
I am basically looking for a point in the right direction-minus therapy, which is fairly obvious to me & also something I am starting.
Give ya a little background on me~try to keep this short as I can!
I am a 25 yr old female~married with no children~I am divorced as well(horrible marriage and hellish divorce)~this is my 2nd marriage
I am ADD, Clincally Depressed, Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive...thats it for now haha
As a child I was neglected & ignored~my parents divorced when I was 8 and that was very traumatic for me~my mom hated my dad, i was a dady's girl, hence my treated me like dirt & has so my entire life~I mean she loves and we have good times but its understood that I am not as worthy as my siblings are. As I grew older I became heavily invloved in drugs and alcohol though mostly drinking.
I am now looking back and having serious regrets about my life~i cry all the time~it doesnt help that my husband is currently in the sandbox.
I cant sleep at night but have no problem sleeping during the day which in turn cost me my job as a nanny.
I am having trouble letting go of anything~even my husbands past is driving me insane and I can't let anyone in. My husband has begged me to just open up and let him try and be a support system for me but I can't~Im too scared & I know its going to kill us & I dont want that~he is the most amaizing man ever~we both feel we are one soul in 2 bodies but back to the issue at hand.
I havent gone to college and have no children & I want both so badly~I want to graduate from college so much~I dropped out of HS at 16 so I never had a graduation! I also have had 1 miscarriage and 1 abortion and want a child so badly and yet I dont feel I am mentally capable of either. I also have horribly low self-esteem~as if thats not apparent~mostly about my looks, Im 5'3 and 125lbs and a size 5-not fat or ugly but all I see is yuckiness when I look at myself. I am also a BIG worrier-i worry about every little detail and how it will affect me and what if this and what if that-its ridiculous really. I am seriously analytical and anal, to a fault at times and most days my brain wont shut off-even when Im sleeping, I have occasional night terrors
I am starting therapy and am on wellbutrin & klonopin but is there anything I can do or a book or website or something to help me along my healing process? I cant keep this up anymore~I know if I don't get the help I need, chances are within 6 mos I wouldnt be here~so I just need some advice or a shove in the right direction or even just knowing Im not alone or completely off my rocker.
Thanks for listening

angel

I'm sorry for all of your pain. I've often felt worthless and bad. I once weighed 300 pounds and wanted to die everyday. Eventually, my life got better--but it was so, so slow. But in the process I learned patience. I had many people who helped me along in support groups.

You can get better. It's a slow process, but each day do something good for yourself. Each day look around for something to be grateful for. Each day pat yourself on the back for every little positive thing you do. You never have to feel this bad. It really feels better once you begin the process of changing your life. How do you do it? You look inside for what you want in life. You make a plan then you you slowly start carrying it out. If it gets to be too much, you break the plan up into smaller and smaller steps. You will start to feel good once you start your journey to a new life. You did the first steps by posting on this forum and going to a professional.

On my website, I have written how I went from weighing 300 pounds, having ADD, and depression to running 26 mile marathons and getting listed in Who's Who. I have links for free books that could help you. One book, called Wishcraft, describes in detail how to reach all of your dreams.
Good Luck,
Jim S

Hi,

There was something in your post that struck me, you said you were very analytical. That's a good thing.

The first thing you need to do is to educate yourself as much as you can about your problems. Understand your body. It is a very complicated thing.

Then you need to finally accept that just like your other organs can have diseases, your brain can have diseases too, just like liver or skin or lungs. You, like a lot of us, have an illness that affects the brain, and one that impacts every part of your life.

Here's what we know right now. Certain people are very vulnerable to feeling bad. Their body will react to stress the way everyone else does, but it never shuts that response down once the stress is past. This is something you inherited from your parents, just like your height and eye color.

What you need to come to accept is that how you are feeling isn't entirely under your control. If you can stop comparing yourself to other people who are completely healthy, then your self esteem should get a little better. You might have to take things at a different pace than someone without problems. 1 class a week, or something.

Biggest thing is to get your body to be stable enough to sleep and function better.