What is it when it's not depression?

I often have very negative and sorrowful feelings and moods, sometimes 24 hours a day with a sense of wanting to cry and just stay indoors. I have negative expectations about my future and little hope of a better life. But know the difference between this almost daily state and serious depression that I've had a few times during life. The cause of my sorrows and bad moods is that I'm a pedophile and don't feel like a part of the society, can't have a relationship and family life, and struggling a lot with shame and the feeling of being worthless.

But this daily state doesn't have the typical symptoms of depression, like insomnia, lack of energy, lack of appetite and so on. So I wonder what this state is called? Is it a constant mild depression, is it sorrow, or is this state just a normal reaction of being a pedophile with everything that comes with: a damaged self-image and shame?

Hi Lonelyrider,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. *Hugs* Life is really hard when you have no hope for a better future. Try not to convince yourself that there is nothing good coming your way. We never really know what's around the corner. Maybe your life will get better in a way that's completely unexpected. There are paedophiles who are in happy adult relationships!

I'm sorry that you feel worthless, and I can appreciate where those feelings may come from. But you don't have to carry them around forever. You can choose how you feel about yourself - you don't have to let it be dictated to you by a judgemental society. Try doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, such as volunteer work, or being a friend to a neighbour. Even supporting other members on the forums may help you realise that you can help others. You can play a positive and meaningful role in society if you want to.

What you're describing could be "dysthymia". Does that sound like it? Could you ask a doctor about it?

Platypus wrote:Hi Lonelyrider,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. *Hugs* Life is really hard when you have no hope for a better future. Try not to convince yourself that there is nothing good coming your way. We never really know what's around the corner. Maybe your life will get better in a way that's completely unexpected. There are paedophiles who are in happy adult relationships!

I'm sorry that you feel worthless, and I can appreciate where those feelings may come from. But you don't have to carry them around forever. You can choose how you feel about yourself - you don't have to let it be dictated to you by a judgemental society. Try doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, such as volunteer work, or being a friend to a neighbour. Even supporting other members on the forums may help you realise that you can help others. You can play a positive and meaningful role in society if you want to.

What you're describing could be "dysthymia". Does that sound like it? Could you ask a doctor about it?

Thanks for your understanding and support! I will check out the dysthymia diagnosis. I know life can change but at the moment that hope is approx. at 5%. I don't know how I could get a relationship with a woman because I guess most women would like to have a sexual relationship and I can't do that without getting frustrated and irritated. It would feel like being used and it would feel false. But of course, I could get lucky and find a woman that understands my situation and that would accept me for who I am.

I'm struggling a lot with the judgemental society, and I internalize every bad word about pedophiles and it's destroying my life. So I wish I could have a mental filter that could prevent me for being so vulnerable. I know I could help others, both children and adults, so I will try to have that in mind to feel better.

If you think you could help people, maybe you can, - e.g. for example, you could help people with the same issues feel better about themselves? - and maybe it would help you feel better about yourself, and less worthless because you'd be proving not all people with your issues are bad people and you would do something that would hopefully help build your self-esteem, and also make other people think twice about you instead of treating you as a label.

Lonelyrider wrote:I know life can change but at the moment that hope is approx. at 5%.

Work to hang on to that 5%!

It's not such a stretch that a woman could understand your situation and accept you. But you are more likely to find such a woman when you feel good about yourself. Otherwise you may project your feelings of shame and worthlessness on to other people. So you get trapped in this cycle where you feel awful and think everybody else believes you're awful, and that just makes you feel even worse.

A lot of those bad things people say aren't really about you as a person. When people talk about paedophiles, often they're expressing their fear. Fear at something they don't understand which threatens something they value (the safety of children). Many will respond with anger and hatred, rather than trying to understand whether their fear is valid or finding a way to make the situation less dangerous.

When people say bad things about you or about paedophiles in general, remind yourself that they don't know you. Besides, you can prove them wrong! You are not obliged to be what other people think of you. And maybe that's the best way you can contribute to breaking down the social discrimination. People may say you're worthless, but you prove them wrong by living as a good person. Who looks like the fool then?

katana wrote:If you think you could help people, maybe you can, - e.g. for example, you could help people with the same issues feel better about themselves? - and maybe it would help you feel better about yourself, and less worthless because you'd be proving not all people with your issues are bad people and you would do something that would hopefully help build your self-esteem, and also make other people think twice about you instead of treating you as a label.

Thanks! I could help others in the same situation. If I could, I would start a place for pedophile adolescents (13-20) to come to. But that's difficult and would require some support. With my own background I believe I'd be able to help kids.

-- Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:29 am --

Platypus wrote:

Lonelyrider wrote:I know life can change but at the moment that hope is approx. at 5%.

Work to hang on to that 5%!

It's not such a stretch that a woman could understand your situation and accept you. But you are more likely to find such a woman when you feel good about yourself. Otherwise you may project your feelings of shame and worthlessness on to other people. So you get trapped in this cycle where you feel awful and think everybody else believes you're awful, and that just makes you feel even worse.

A lot of those bad things people say aren't really about you as a person. When people talk about paedophiles, often they're expressing their fear. Fear at something they don't understand which threatens something they value (the safety of children). Many will respond with anger and hatred, rather than trying to understand whether their fear is valid or finding a way to make the situation less dangerous.

When people say bad things about you or about paedophiles in general, remind yourself that they don't know you. Besides, you can prove them wrong! You are not obliged to be what other people think of you. And maybe that's the best way you can contribute to breaking down the social discrimination. People may say you're worthless, but you prove them wrong by living as a good person. Who looks like the fool then?

I think you are right about all this. I'm not ready to even try finding a women and to start a relationship. There's too many mental issues at the moment.

I know they're not talking about me, but it's impossible not to be affected. Actually I've read that verbal abuse is just as harmful as other types of abuse. I have probably many years in front of me in psychiatry because of the way this is affecting me.