I have no idea what to do (depression, alcohol, anxiety)

I'm a 22 year old male and I've struggled with depression since about 14. At 17 I joined the Army and I was kicked out about 2 years later due to my problems. During the time I was in, I came very close to taking my own life and I have seriously considered doing it twice in the last 3 years.
Naturally I've tried to escape this pain and as a result, I've developed an addiction to alcohol. Due to the withdrawals I've had from the alcohol, my anxiety has gotten out of control to the point where I have crippling panic attacks.
I'm a very good student, but I know the addiction, anxiety, and depression is going to destroy me. I don't see myself succeeding in life and I feel worthless. I started a relationship with an amazing girl in April, but I've ruined that because I knew that I couldn't handle a relationship at this point in my life, due to my mental health. My bleak mind and hate for myself drove me to drink 12 beers a day for months just so i could to be a pleasant person, as well as please her in bed. I couldn't perform when I was sober because I have such low confidence. I left her without much explanation and now I feel extreme guilt.
I've tried to stop drinking, but I just can't. I'm a mess right now and I feel so lost. Has anyone had a similar situation to mine? What have you done?

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much with these problems.

These sound like some tough things that you are struggling with and I really think the best thing for you is going to be to get some professional help. You're alcoholism has developed into an illness, it is not just a problem with impulse control and so it would be wise to get professional help to stop, especially seeing as stopping drinking is going to have a huge effect on your health and so needs to be monitored so that you can get off of it safely.

I think you should book in to see a therapist. It will be really good if you can have some direct support from someone to help you through your problems.

Hi there,

I'm so sorry about everything that has happened in your life.

I know this is a very painful and difficult time in your life, and I think the best thing to do (in that it will probably help you the most) is to seek some sort of professional help. Taking the first step is difficult- incredibly and unbelievably so- but once you are through that door and sitting opposite the doctor/therapist/etc, you're on your way. Step one is one of the hardest to get past but it could also make the biggest difference in your life.

I have been where you are now, and although I can't say my experience has been the same as yours, because let's be honest, it wasn't, what we do have in common is depression, and all I can say is depression rarely goes away by itself. Trust me, I tried to "cure" myself for a number of years and it didn't work at- I needed professional help and I believe you do too. How shall I put this? I think that sometimes, like in your case (I know and I'm sorry that it has reached this point), getting help is hard, but not getting help is infinitely harder.

Take care and please talk to someone.

Is there an underlying reason that you became depressed at 14? What happened then that made you depressed compared to previous years in your life?

At one point I had turned to drinking and painkillers daily to make it through the day (I honestly never drank much until this year and NEVER had taken any illicit drugs until this year too to try and cope with my depression). I too was a good student and recently graduated college with a degree. My plan was to OD on painkillers and alcohol - passing out with a plastic bag over my head when I finished graduation. Unfortunately I told someone close to me and they found my supply and threw it away... which made me even more upset.

Anyways, the messed up thing is that I had a couple of girls that really wanted to hang out / go out with me, but like you, I had such low confidence that I just avoided meeting with them. I went in for therapy, which didn't help at all and I am still stuck.

The thing is that I have been 100% clean from alcohol and substances for over 100 days and have worked out every one of those days. I know that I would feel better if I made friends, but I really don't see the point of having to struggle to make it through life and make friends just to be "happy" and want to live... Really I don't even see the point in being happy because eventually I'm going to die anyways... so why even live and strive to be happy? Those are the questions that I'm dealing with right now.

I would say that in order to get back on track though, you will need to make some changes that are going to be difficult (i.e. stop drinking and replace drinking with something healthy). Your primary coping mechanism is alcohol and that can definitely lead to anxiety/panic, etc.

It is tough as hell, but I would recommend instead of beer, exercising daily. You could also try to make a phone call and talk about your emotions with someone who cares on a daily basis if that's possible.

I am the exact same age as you right now and have gone through similar crap. I had a ton of friends a few years ago and I pretty much avoided them and now I'm alone.... that's what happens though.

I'll admit, I'm stuck too... Maybe checking out this article could help: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/0 ... epression/

Herbstzeitlose wrote:I'm a 22 year old male and I've struggled with depression since about 14. At 17 I joined the Army and I was kicked out about 2 years later due to my problems. During the time I was in, I came very close to taking my own life and I have seriously considered doing it twice in the last 3 years.
Naturally I've tried to escape this pain and as a result, I've developed an addiction to alcohol. Due to the withdrawals I've had from the alcohol, my anxiety has gotten out of control to the point where I have crippling panic attacks.
I'm a very good student, but I know the addiction, anxiety, and depression is going to destroy me. I don't see myself succeeding in life and I feel worthless. I started a relationship with an amazing girl in April, but I've ruined that because I knew that I couldn't handle a relationship at this point in my life, due to my mental health. My bleak mind and hate for myself drove me to drink 12 beers a day for months just so i could to be a pleasant person, as well as please her in bed. I couldn't perform when I was sober because I have such low confidence. I left her without much explanation and now I feel extreme guilt.
I've tried to stop drinking, but I just can't. I'm a mess right now and I feel so lost. Has anyone had a similar situation to mine? What have you done?