Suicidal Ideation (WARNING: MAY TRIGGER!!!)

WARNING: SOME OF THE CONTENT OF THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING MORE SOME POSTERS

Disclaimer: I do not feel like I am in any immediate danger. If I did, I would go to the ER instead of posting here.

Lately my suicidal thoughts seem to have been increasing in frequency. Sometimes I question whether I am really suicidal, because the thoughts are so calm, cold, and collected (e.g., "Oh, I could just <insert suicidal action>"). However, ever since I was diagnosed with moderate major depressive disorder and started taking SSRI's, I've been paying very close attention to my thoughts, because I know the risks of the medications I am on. I am therefore in a little bit of a quandary because I don't know if my suicidal ideation has increased, if I am just more vigilant about noting my state of mind, or if my response to my thoughts has been sensitized because due to my increased vigilance.

I am going to discuss this with my counselor at my next appointment, but I left wondering how serious my thoughts of suicide are.

Hi, mjpam! Do you get the urge to do it as well? Do you find yourself making plans?
I hope your counselor can shed some light on this for you, but it doesn't sound extremely serious to me.