You Know...

You,ve tried so hard but it just seems that all that brings joy is the thought of shooting yourself in the head. Blowing out your brains to bring the mind at rest. Or maybe gun to the heart? That would settle the restless beating that never stops. But all these would be calls for help "society" says. But that's what pisses me off the most. You can't do anything without good old "society" classifying anything. Suicide is a selfish act... why? Because SOCIETY says so! Now maybe I'm just confused right now but I'm just not seeing the point in life and everyone is telling me "it's what you make of it". Well I'm sorry my dears but I do need more than just that. Believe me when I say this... I'm happy with my life. I'm finally moving forward with school and work and life in general. But at the end of the ladder what's the point in it all... It's just what I was told to do. I was told to get dressed, go to school and make a living. I'm sure if I was in a different society or time I would be told to be doing something else. I just don't understand why it must all be fixed like this? Maybe this is my depression? No, I think not... I can't blame everything on my depression like I can't blame everything on my epilepsy medication... haha! As much as the doctors try and help it's just not stopping the thought... what's the true meaning... are we really real? Or are we a figment of someone's imagination? Are there really parallel worlds? Are our dreams just another portal into another world? Did I really do some of the things I remember or are those memories implanted? You might think I'm troubled... or are you really the troubled ones yourself because you can't accept these out of the box theories...

No I don't watch too much TV I just think too much.

Regards,
Swirly

This is my favorite post of all time. I liked when you said that part about shooting yourself in the head. I want to do that. Maybe then I wouldn't have this splitting headache I've had for 20 years.

Sometimes I think of parallel universes too. It brings me some solace. Those infinite versions of myself amalgamate into a single, definitive "me." In some universes I am far better off, perhaps happy with life as I co-manage a modestly successful haberdashery. I am proud of that me. In another universe I swindle old ladies out of their social security. I am less proud of that me but he's trying to get better. But they, like me, are all just infinitesimal parts of a gestalt (a$$)whole.

And that means there should be no pride or shame. If all possible events are played out in parallel universes, then we all must average to be the exact same person. None better, none worse. In some universe our Bruce Springsteen is me and I am him and he is about to get a terrible shock when he goes into the bathroom.

Better yet, in the infinite multiverse there can be no morality. All actions, good and evil, must -- must -- be played out, so how can one be faulted for anything? Our actions become a universal imperative. Is this my absolution God? In the infiniteness of Your creation, are all actions pardoned out of their necessity? I hope so, because I've been having impure thoughts about the high school basketball team and, if it's all the same to You, I'd like to keep thinking them.

Who would have thought, that the little green men would bring along another one. One who believed in the possibility. I thought that all those viewing my post; were reading in fear. There are just so many theories that haven't been answered and it boggles my mind. With what's been happening lately I wouldn't doubt, that sometimes they intrude? Maybe I've lost it, but hey we all lose it once in our life times right?

And to answer your question, your thoughts are purely your own. Never forget that, and anyone who says else wise is controlling (even if they are bad).

That is all that I have really thought about for the last 7 months. Not to say too much because every real attempt to vent can just lead to another does of bs help, but it is fair to say i know i couldn't even get a gun and it seems like the best way to end it.

Empathy is letting someone pull the trigger: it is not being forced into an endless dreaded routine. My body, my right.