need a bit of help

hi, i was just wondering if anyone could give me a bit of advice.

basically i have been having some problems. i feel really depressed and anxious most of the time and i really dont understand why. i also have extreme moodswings which cause me to act in the most horrendous ways to people, including my friends (god knows how they put up with it).

i have also fallen out with some friends not so long ago purely through me being insecure and unstable, and acting like a complete prick to them.

last july i moved in with a girl who i know from going clubbing a few years ago. she, and a couple of friends had graduated from university and were moving to my area (i am also a uni student but still studying). anyway something came up and she had to move out.

Her moving out was something i was quite gutted about as i felt i had more in common with her with my current housemates (who i do like, but i had known her longer and i thought we shared the same sense of humour etc, all her friends were great..basically they were just a very nice group of girls and a lot of fun to be around.)

I was looking forward to living with her very much as i didn't get on with anyone at all in my halls and had quite a lonely first year at uni. when all of the things i was looking forward to were taken away from me it felt like i was left with almost nothing. that sounds extremely harsh on my current group of friends, who are a great bunch of lads but i really do feel that they don't understand me most of the time. i'd love to be able to tell them all of this but it's not the easiest of things to drop into a conversation!

anyway, everything came to a head a couple of weeks ago when, after drinking a bottle of wine and feeling very under i had two panic attacks shortly after each other (i have had panic attacks in the past aswell but not for a while, and not quire as bad as these) and i ended up smashing my wine glass and cutting my wrist with it on purpose.

i'm not entirely sure if this was just to seek attention more than anything. i don't think i want to die but sometimes i do think about death and what it would be like to die.

every time i think about all of the things i have done it makes me feel sick. the very fact that i told one of the girls in question about the wine glass incident completely baffles me as i always feel the need to unload all of my problems on to other people. this just makes them think i am even more of a weirdo.

I'm so frustrated by everything at the minute. some days i feel completely on top of my game, some days i feel like the world is going to end and other days i am completely devoid of any emotion.

I haven't sought out any 'real' help, yet (i was seeing a counsellor for a bit but everything she told me i pretty much knew so i didn't see the point).

i hope someone can give me a bit of advice.

great forum by the way.

Sean,
HI & welcome to this site!

I've read your post and could relate to some of it. You mentioned that you were in therapy for a while but left as there wasn't anything new to learn. It might be best to just look for another T. Talk with them on the phone before you go in to see them.

It also sounds like you are in a bit of depression. And cutting your wrist could be SI'ing (self injuring). SI'ing is becoming very prevalent. We receive more than a few who have trouble with it at this site. Yu may want to read up on some of their posts.

I would also recommend reading someof the posts indifferent forums at this site. Most of them are written by people just like yourslef. You may get a feel for what is going on with you.

I have four now grown kids. My youngest just finished his first year in college. He is normally a very stable person....but this year was very bumpy. Have you found that you have more trouble at uni than before?

Also, I understand about your disappointment of having that one girl moving out. Especially if you felt that the two of you may enjoy each others company. Is it possible for you to date her? Or is she too far away now?

Well..I won't babble any longer.

Kathy

nah i didnt want to date her! it was just nice to have some new people around that i had something in common with. i was really down before she moved in and that cheered me up a bit.

anyway i've started counselling again at a different place but im not sure its going to do any good. i might see if i can take it a step further (med) but i'll need to do a bit of reading up on it first i think.

thanks for the help