Can't Take It Anymore

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so bad!! I wish there was something that i could do for you. Please know that it is okay to cry. You can cry all you want to cry!! It may help you to get through this better. I'm sure you're aunt would want you to be happy, but she'd also understand your need to grieve, and to cry. Please let yourself cry. You don't have to let anyone see you, but just go to your room, lock the door, and cry your eyes out. It isn't fun, but it can really help you a lot. You are not weak!!! You are human. And you naturally need to cry when you're upset. It's okay to be upset. It really is. Please don' think of yourself as weak.

*hugs* I'm here for you. I can relate to some of your feelings. I have a hard time getting my emotions out, too. I miss my grandfather terribly, but I have a hard time crying. I didn't cry at his funeral. I feel somewhat cold for holding the tears back, but I just didn't want to cry. I saw my daddy crying, and I hugged him and comforted him. I hugged my grandmother and comforted her. I was there for everyone. But I wouldn't let myself cry. And now I'm having a hard time getting over it. i miss him so bad. And I feel like it would hurt his feelings if he knew that I didn't cry at his funeral. MY eyes are tearing up now. I guess I've never really talked about this. My mom thinks I just didn't really need to cry, although I was upset. But really, it was killing me. I loved him so much. I miss him so bad, and I Think about him every single day. I want to go see him so bad, but I can't. I want to tell him how much I love him but i can't. I'm sorry but I have to go. I'm getting really upset. I don't want to think about it right now.

*hugs*

~element

Hey,
Thanks so much. I know it's hard to talk about something like this. It took me a long time to finally open up to people about my aunt's death.
I was doing alright, but then I saw one of my like 4th cousins or something like that and he was talking to me and happened to bring up my cousin taking my grandma out to dinner on Sunday for Mother's Day. I feel like I'm going to lose it again now that he mentioned it. Oh well.

~Jamie~

Jamie,

I'm very sorry that you are having such a hard time with this. I know how it feels to just have something suddenly cause you to really start missing your aunt again. I have the same problem with my grandfather. Whenever someone else dies, I think about him. Whenever we pass the nursing home, I think about him. Every thing in the world reminds me of him. I'm constantly thinking "man, I wish I had just gone and seen him one more time." Just so you know, I'm crying a little now. I miss him so bad. But I do have the comfort of knowing that he is in a better place now. He's with God now. But I still miss him badly.

Jamie, you can talk to me anytime you want to!! I would give you my e-mail address, but my mom won't really let me give it out much. But you can talk to me on here. I'll be glad to talk to you more about all of this. I know that you're going through a hard time!! **hugs**

~element

Hey,
Thanks so much. Umm...sorry I don't know what to say right now. I'm thinking so much about my aunt and my mind isn't focusing on anything else right now. It's so distracting, remembering the fun times that we had together just makes me want to cry, knowing that I can't turn to her for her advice anymore, know I can talk to her, but it's just not the same. I'm not the same without her.

Hey,
Thanks so much for the input. I will try to consider that. I never heard anything like that before, but that's probably because I've never talked to a professional or anything about anything like this.

~Jamie~

Hey,
Thanks so much. Umm...sorry I don't know what to say right now. I'm thinking so much about my aunt and my mind isn't focusing on anything else right now. It's so distracting, remembering the fun times that we had together just makes me want to cry, knowing that I can't turn to her for her advice anymore, know I can talk to her, but it's just not the same. I'm not the same without her.

Hey Hun,
I'm really sorry that I never got back to this. I could have sworn that i did. Maybe I tried, but it screwed up. IDK.

I just want to let you know, that I'm also having a hard time lately, and if you need anything let me know. I can't do much, but I can try to encourage you. If you ever want to pm me, feel free.

*big hugs*

~element

Hey,
Well, I talked to Bill yesterday and it helped me out a little. He offered to come with me to talk to the school counselor about everything, but I don't know if I want to talk to the school counselor. Bill told me that he had mentioned that I was going through a really tough time with my aunt's death lately to her and she said that she knows what I'm going through and would be more than willing to talk to me about it.
I have a picture of my cousins and my aunt's grave in my locker, but forgot to bring them with me when I talked to Bill and Serenity yesterday, so I showed to Bill today after lunch and my friend was with me and I can't remember what she said to Bill, but it made me start to cry, so my friend Christie just hugged me and Bill was right behind me rubbing my shoulder to try to get me to calm down.
I'm sorry, I have to go, I'm crying really hard right now.

~Jamie~