How Do I Regain Touch With my Emotions?

rustybrain wrote:It took six weeks to kick in for me, which I think is pretty standard.

I think anhedonia is actually a more common symptom of depression than rage, hypersexuality, fear, difficulty concentrating, etc. That sounds very "up." Have you considered the possibility that you might have something cyclic?

antijoy wrote:I know this is some major thread necromancy, as the original thread is from 2011. I'm sorry if this is frowned upon here. However, what Noitartst wrote sounds very, very much like me. If anybody has experience with something similar, I'd be keen to hear. I suppose the difference between me and Noitartst is that I still often feel anxious and not calm. But I am largely out of touch with my emotions.

Unlike my previous experiences with depression, this one is massively different: I can (generally) do practical things, go to work etc., but I get no joy or satisfaction from just about anything I do, and I feel like I'm just constantly going through the motions, kind of like acting a role where even I don't really know what that role is supposed to be. I achieve those practical things by distancing myself from them and other people emotionally. Everything's just more or less a blur.

At some point I began to question just about everything, which easily turns even momentary good feelings into anxiety. Feelings of uncertainty and emotional insecurity make me socially rather anxious and withdrawing, and since I've been unable to express any of this and tried to keep up a facade in most of my social circles, I've sort of built myself into a situation where the social me is this mostly calm and rational role rather than the anxious and massively insecure guy who has a really hard time dealing with almost any kinds of emotions. I've been kind of trying to act the guy I feel I used to be, but it's been more and more difficult, and I've been getting more and more tired of acting. It seems to be leading nowhere, since emotionally I just haven't been able to be what I used to be. I'm sure many people around me even notice something is not right or the way it used to be, but I haven't been able to blurt out the truth that I've been having some major emotional problems.

This has been going on for a few years already, and while I sometimes feel a bit better for a while, sometimes I'm afraid I'm too far down the road to be able to get back. I'm getting talk therapy now (finally) and I hope it's going to help at least a bit. The therapist has already noticed that I intellectualize things a lot, so maybe he could try to help me regain touch with my emotions, at least so some degree.

Like Noitartst who started the thread, I've also tried similar things (actually all of those things, although I've mostly done a different martial art). But the issue is that a lot of my original anxiety and pain is actually associated with those things in one way or another, so that has not been helping. And meditation I've found occasionally calming, but at other times just yet another something that I'm forcing myself to do regardless of how I feel, and I then question whether it is a good idea at all or whether it's just going further down the same road.

Any experience with something like this?

Noitartst wrote:

rustybrain wrote:It took six weeks to kick in for me, which I think is pretty standard.

I think anhedonia is actually a more common symptom of depression than rage, hypersexuality, fear, difficulty concentrating, etc. That sounds very "up." Have you considered the possibility that you might have something cyclic?

Six weeks, for Wellbutrin, to kick in; I will keep it in mind, as I start trying supplements like mucuna, Tyrosine, and %HTP. How long does it take for them to kick in, effectively? (I assume their rates vary, per supplement.)

Maybe, I should try Wellbutrin, again.

Me, I'm committing to the work of CBT, friend.

Clinpsych wrote:Hey there, let me see if i can help.

Couple of quick questions:
1.) How do you feel in the mornings, as opposed to how you feel in the evenings?
2.) What type of inhibitors were you prescribed? There are different kinds, and some people are inherently immune to some types (if unsure, you can list the medications you took, and i can classify them). Please include dosages, time of day taken, how often they were taken daily, and other medications you were/are on.
3.) Depression is often present with some other types of mental disorders, such as ADHD and Anxiety Disorders. Have these ever been mentioned to you, and were you screened for them?
4.) What has been your results in talk therapy about your lack of emotions? Have you tried talk therapy for help with this specific problem?
5.) Is it possible you may experience these emotions, but are unfamiliar with them? (Think about this one before answering. Don't blindly say you feel nothing, just numbness. If you can reflect and truly say there is only numbness, that's fine. I just want to be as sure as possible that what we are dealing with is what we think it is. Learning to recognize emotions again is something quite a few people who struggle with depression have to work at. I know i did.)
6.) Do you have a history of mental disorders in your family? If so, which disorders?
7.) Any illegal drug use?
(***I realize some people would feel uncomfortable providing the answers to some of these questions. That's fine, i wont press if you are uncomfortable. Answer only ones in your comfort zone, and answer honestly please. The more information we have to look at, though, the better chance we have at deciding a course of action***)

While all these answers may help us form a more clear picture, it still may take time and work for emotional recovery. What worked best for me was talk therapy. I'm a huge fan of talk therapy above all else. When i was involved in talk therapy, part of my recovery was learning how to recognize my emotions, and learning when it was ok to be mad at someone, or when it was normal to feel sadness (not depression, warranted sadness, like if my dog died or something), or when it is normal to be anxious. I even had to relearn when it was appropriate to feel anger for being blatantly cheated out of money by someone else.

quietgirl2538 wrote:Mornings are the same for me a lot. I don't do well with mornings. If I get up and shower first I can just go from there but if I lay in bed I can lay in bed a long time. I call it my mood swings. It's not always like this.

I have a book I would recommend if you don't mind reading some material that has Christian information too. It does have that but it's mainly about the emotions. I learned a lot about emotions and so if you want I can share it with you. Let me know.

quietgirl2538 wrote:I am sending you a PM.

abstractinfinity1 wrote:

Clinpsych wrote:Hey there, let me see if i can help.

Couple of quick questions:
1.) How do you feel in the mornings, as opposed to how you feel in the evenings?
2.) What type of inhibitors were you prescribed? There are different kinds, and some people are inherently immune to some types (if unsure, you can list the medications you took, and i can classify them). Please include dosages, time of day taken, how often they were taken daily, and other medications you were/are on.
3.) Depression is often present with some other types of mental disorders, such as ADHD and Anxiety Disorders. Have these ever been mentioned to you, and were you screened for them?
4.) What has been your results in talk therapy about your lack of emotions? Have you tried talk therapy for help with this specific problem?
5.) Is it possible you may experience these emotions, but are unfamiliar with them? (Think about this one before answering. Don't blindly say you feel nothing, just numbness. If you can reflect and truly say there is only numbness, that's fine. I just want to be as sure as possible that what we are dealing with is what we think it is. Learning to recognize emotions again is something quite a few people who struggle with depression have to work at. I know i did.)
6.) Do you have a history of mental disorders in your family? If so, which disorders?
7.) Any illegal drug use?
(***I realize some people would feel uncomfortable providing the answers to some of these questions. That's fine, i wont press if you are uncomfortable. Answer only ones in your comfort zone, and answer honestly please. The more information we have to look at, though, the better chance we have at deciding a course of action***)

I doubt Clinpsych is still around but... at least this can be a datapoint for people who have a similar issue...? And if he is still around, it would be nice.

So my answers:

1. Morning is worst, I'm the most unemotional then and if I stay in bed just a bit longer, I will start to sink very deep in a very inactivated-unmotivated state where I completely don't care about anything, simply no motivation, no emotion, no thoughts, nothing. Just pure vegetating mode. Luckily it helps a lot that I make sure now to get up early enough (I needed to use a trick for this too, I couldn't have managed it otherwise). So I no longer see this state by default. And yeah, as a contrast to the morning, later in the day or by the night I can sometimes even get to feel normal. I'm curious if others here with the same issue have most of the problem in the morning.
2. Wellbutrin, which is a NDRI but I read the "D part" is weak.
3. I was always the opposite of ADHD. Had light bipolar almost coming out before but it's gone by now. Dealt with a bit of other stuff too but nothing permanent or anything needing treatment.
4. I either can't at all connect with therapists or I sometimes can a bit (with the current one for example) but then I still easily intellectualize everything. The therapists should be on guard for this better. sigh
5. This question is interesting but I don't think it's that simple. For me at least, I have had some feeling states that developed very slowly over time, they initially were practically not there, just some "empty space" instead or not even that much, then over the years (no exaggerating, years), I would vaguely sense a bit more of them. Most of these probably will never be true emotional states though, at least not most of the time, if that makes sense. (Yeah, I'm alexithymic, too. But this isn't simply me being unaware, I actually believe those feelings don't even get "generated" in the normal way.)
6. -
7. -

While all these answers may help us form a more clear picture, it still may take time and work for emotional recovery. What worked best for me was talk therapy. I'm a huge fan of talk therapy above all else. When i was involved in talk therapy, part of my recovery was learning how to recognize my emotions, and learning when it was ok to be mad at someone, or when it was normal to feel sadness (not depression, warranted sadness, like if my dog died or something), or when it is normal to be anxious. I even had to relearn when it was appropriate to feel anger for being blatantly cheated out of money by someone else.

This makes sense. Except I turn talk therapy into intellectual discussion endlessly reparsing the same vague internal experiences... that I can't call true emotional states. I find it works better for me if the therapist actively directs me towards feelings, like for example her verbalizing what people feel in a given situation where I am stuck with the endless intellectual reparsing (I DO eventually get to noticing some feelings that way too but it is incredibly inefficient, literally takes years without help).

Noitartst wrote:I'm not getting any help, myself...zero moral support, can't find any reason to trust. I'm trying CBT, right now...