would like to say something

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Hey Jason,
I read one of your previous threads there on page 2 and got the feeling you have trouble opening up online.
I dont know your situation and the details of what is effecting you.
Alot of parents havent a clue what they are doing! I love mine to bits but i could school them now and i feel like they are nearly children when i consider some of the things they have accidently inflicted on me.They meant well or were coping with their issues so i dont really blame them.I put it down to ignorance and weakness so i can forgive.
I say this because i see you are suffering greatly as i once did.I used to dream of dying every night before i slept and would wake up to another day.Really i cannot imagine more misery than what i felt.I did also cut myself to feel something or just release frustration which didnt help at all.
I dont know if you have come across my experiences as i post tons here and im probably a pest lol
But i in some ways see myself in you and i am here posting now because i could not let someone go through the misery i did without lending a hand in whatever way helps you the most.
Now i see you said quite alot that you have nothing else to say in other posts,so i dont want to start asking you tons of questions to try figure the puzzle that is your situation.
I would rather you met me half way if that is something you want to do.I was involved in a strict religion so have alot of experience with self hate,guilt,self esteem,depression,post cult syndrome,anxiety,agoraphobia,candida(not really religion related),diets,motivation,self harm to a smaller extent and so on.
Im not an expert or trained, but i have come out the other end after years of personal study and i would love to see others gain that too.
So let me know how you would like to proceed or what you wish to gain from here or me and i would be more than happy to get involved with a brother in arms.It is a battle for sure but not unwinnable by a long way.
The ussual expert advice is for me not to advise and to say you should see a professional which ofc id agree with,those guys ussually know what they are dealing with and how to.So i rather see it as sharing experiences which i found has helped people before on other forums and just people i have on messengers.
Sometimes its easer if you sign up on the forums as some random name like i have now.The letters represent words that mean something to me and was the easiest way to make a random name.Now i can post anything i want and nobody knows who i am
Its a nice thing to have as people here are less likely to judge you.
Once you are anonamous or even not,what is the harm in giving it a try and letting it all spill out.
If your mother is really that unhelpful she is possibly in need of help herself and unable to assist you now.People can by really oblivious about others when they are ignorant of depression and how much it holds us back.
As i said i dont know your situation well and i have only my research and experience to lend you ideas and suggestions on things you could try or insights to become more self aware.
Maybe will chat with you soon.
Take care