Why can't I just cheer up... and am I obsessing?

Ye i think i know already what i need to be like as a person to get along.I just need to as you say keep check of my behaviour and push myself outside my comfort zone.
I think you have the right idea for yourself also.
It does seem to be an irrational fear at the time but based on the past experience the mind considers it very rational.Maybe i will research how to convince the unconscious that rational fears/thoughts are irrational.

I'm not sure this is going to be a particularly helpful response, but I think this is pretty normal. A lot of the time discussing something that you feel somebody else has done wrong isn't enough to make it go away; you need a sign that they're actually changing their attitude and behavior. Do you have signs like that from him? If not, I don't think you should blame yourself for continuing to think about it. It seems like he's been relatively unwilling to meet you halfway on disagreements in the relationship, and that most of these disagreements have centered around him being very passive, not energetic, not putting as much effort into it as you have been. These are very, very important things in any relationship. You shouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that it's something about your mental health issues that's causing you to care about them. If anything, it's probably something about your mental health issues that's causing you to question whether you should.

Just my two cents - not worth any more or less than that!