Very, very discouraged and depressed

Hello all,
I'm a special ed teacher. I'm 30. Every day I teach students with learning disabilities, autism, etc. Usually I love my job, but since the school year started I've felt very depressed about my job and life in general.

Once Sept. 1 hits it's like running a marathon. Endless days of meetings with parents, phone calls, teaching, lesson plans, evaluations by the principal..... I almost always end up bringing work home with me. I usually stay up really late to do all the special ed paperwork for my job since I don't have time to do it during the day. Class sizes are huge this year thanks to budget cuts, and we're expected to do more and more with less and less resources.

On top of that, my husband has been out of work for several months. He's looking as hard as possible for a new job (he's a carpenter), but there is very little to go around at the moment. We're making do on my salary and his unemployment.

My daughter is 3 and the light of my life. However, every morning she begs and pleads with me not to go to work. Some days I cry all the way to work because I can't stay home with her. Then, the second I get home til the second she falls asleep she doesn't leave my side.

I just got notice at work that health insurance premiums went up, and starting Jan 1 I'll be paying another $5000 out of my (already meager) salary just to keep our HMO. Oh, and all of my students loans are due as well. F!@##!

We declared bankruptcy after my husband lost his job and our creditors started calling every 3 minutes.

I feel like life is a huge hamster wheel that never goes anywhere.

I'm tired, I'm frazzled, I'm exhausted, I'm discouraged, I'm broke, and I feel like giving up more often than not. And now my car is making an awful noise.

And all of this makes me very, very depressed. What's worse is it takes away from my family, since I'm not available to be a decent mom and wife. That's not fair to anybody.

Anemone, I wanted to start off by saying that what you do deserves a pay far above what you are getting(no matter what the current salary). I worked a semester with Down syndrom clients and have a huge appreciation for that particular population.

As for your current situation with the depression, have you talked to your doctor about possibly taking an antidepressant? I know that it would be another expense and thing to think about when you have those in spades, but it could be one thing that may help the others become tolerable. I am one that is usually kind of antidrug, however with some of today's newer antidepressants it is really worth a try.

I hope you get to feeling better.

Anti depressants can indeed help with down feelings.
Just as important in my view also is giving your body its needs aswell as your mind.
A good healthy diet and cutting down on stress inducing thngs like cafeine and sugar can make a big difference in time.
Im unemployed (was also in the wood bussiness) and just scraping by.You have so much on your plate its totally understandable how you feel.I was falling apart nearly with my situation and i hope you see just how strong you are compared!Its easy to forget when you become accustomed.
I really respect you for the work you do for your family and society too.
Im glad to see in your situation you are still able to reach out.That can be hard also.
We are here anyway to bounce off and listen.
If you are looking for ideas to help im sure a few here too will have experience in dealing with hard times and happy to share.
Keep in touch and dont give in to the world.Its run by complete maniacs and doesnt make much sense.
I realise it can be hard for your husband too with self esteem.Or at least it is in my family.My Dad is 50+ and unemployed with my mother working and it must be hard for him as he used to be the main "bread winner".
That self doubt can eat away at an otherwise confident man.
The ability to post anonamously is a blessing in times like this
Dont forget to smile and remember the good things you have too.It helps me to remember im allowed be happy if i wish to be too.
You at the least deserve that right and i hope you take advantage of it.

Thank you for your kind replies.
I've decided as of January 1st that I'm going to look for another teaching job at a different district. I know the economy is still in the toilet, but I'm to the point where this isn't worth it.
The district for which I teach has the reputation for being excellent, but it also attracts crazy litigious parents who won't hesitate to file a lawsuit if they don't get their way in everything.
In the past few weeks I've had acid stomach, migraines, insomnia, and rashes from dealing with these crazy parents, and constantly getting called on the carpet by the principal because we don't want to lose this lawsuit over something I said or didn't say.
Sheesh. Nice teaching environment, eh?

That does sound crazy alright.
Maybe if they had the kids back to teach themselves for a week they would not complain so much

Hehehehehe...... I would LOVE to let the parents try and teach for a week!

I went through similar things when your age and with kids. I did have depression. A good way to figure out things about having depression is to read the book, Cracked Teacupd by B.E. Moore. Available on line, can be ordered at stores and libraries. It's a story of a woman who struggles with depression and perseveres to find the right meds for herself. Funny and easy to read. Many say they really relate to the character. It's a good read anyway so you can't loose.

Sounds to me like your kid thinks you care more about the disabled kids than them, i mean really.... it sounds like your never home or your busy or your stressing out about something, your kid probably blames it all on themself, For example: " mummy never spends time with me she spends it with those other kids and when shes home shes always upset, is it my fault i make mummy upset?"


why would you bother with those children... its not like anything you do will cure them... they will only ever be burdens on society

princess_sparkle wrote:

why would you bother with those children... its not like anything you do will cure them... they will only ever be burdens on society

Why are the most inhumane statements, always correct?

Princess Sparkle, my niece has Down syndrome and she brings happiness to my life in a way that nothing else can.