Deleted

Deleted

Hey dude,

Losing weight might not necessarily make you happy. It would give you a 'pseudo' or false sense of happiness, but you'd still have to put a lot of effort into making your life better so as to prevent it slipping back into this quagmire again. So, perhaps the trick here is to start improving your life despite your weight. You can deal with that problem later down the line when other things have improved.

You certainly aren't useless, by the way, as you seem to have a knack for music. Perhaps a starting point could be to contact different recording studios asking (or 'begging' ... ?) them to give you a slot in order for you to show them what you've got. I imagine that many will reject - and some won't even get back to you - but the odd one might. It's something you should look into at least.

Regarding your 'girlfriend', I would not bother much with her for the time being. You are right in that she is treating you like a "doormat", so why bother with her? Let her do her own thing but please stop letting her run rings around you (i.e. control you). Perhaps if she sees that you are standing up for yourself, then she will have more respect for you.

Ultimately, you have work to do my friend, but your life certainly is NOT over. Your mother and former bosses don't know the full story about what happened at work, so just let them live with their own ignorance. It is certainly not any concern of yours if they are not willing to see the truth about what happened. Continue with your life DESPITE everything that's currently dragging you down.

You can at least try. If you fail, then so-be-it... you will be thankful that you tried hard.
Kevin

Okay, now that I've taken it all in, I need to comment on one thing you said:

Whenever we talk she tells me she loves me every 15 seconds, always expecting a reply, but I don't know if she even means it anymore. She always wants from me, but never gives anything in return. I know if I want the relationship to work, I should love her unconditionally, and let her do whatever makes her happy. But I can't help but feel like a doormat.

First of all, you shouldn't love her unconditionally. Just because you're in a "relationship" (and honestly from what I understand, that's a bit of a stretch as of now) doesn't mean that you should love somebody. People stay in relationships for plenty of relationships besides love (comfort being the most common, in my opinion and experience). Nobody deserves to be treated like she's treating you. A relationship is give and take (I don't believe there's a such thing as a completely equal relationship) and she seems to be all take...

Although a lot of things in your life are going wrong, try to look for the positive (no matter how minuscule). I'll start for you!
1. You have a home.
2. You're getting unemployment.
3. You're strong enough to reach out for help.
4. You're strong enough to reach out for friendship.
5. You have an incredibly big and kind heart.

As for your weight issues, I know exactly how you feel. I either go from one extreme to the other. I eat too much, or not enough. I lost 40 pounds starving myself, which I'll be honest was great. How I felt the entire time I was losing it, it was awful. The awkward conversations on why I barely ate anything (or not at all).

All I can say is don't give up. You're too nice of a guy to stay lonely for long.


Message or email me, I've pushed all my friends away through my depression and I'd be more than happy to get to know you!