Should I seek help?

Hello, I'm new and I was just wondering if anyone was good enough to read this post whether they could use their experience with depression to tell me if it is worth seeking help for how I am feeling.

At the moment I feel very down, I dont feel like going anywhere or really getting out of bed and I spend a lot of time feeling tired or asleep. To make myself feel better I have been taking lots of caffeine pills and drinking lots of caffiene drinks, which is pretty bad for me as I have high blood pressure but I feel like its the only way I can function at work. I am over weight as well and consider myself quite unfit. I have had suicidal thoughts, but not made plans. I have self-harmed in the last 2 weeks, but only once.

I have been on anti depressants in the past, I have even had cognitive behavioural therapy in the past, about ten years ago but it didn't work, I used to go but not talk. I havent taken any meds for about a year. I used to take Effexor and Citalopram. I hate going to the doctor and he never used to put my meds on repeat scripts so I never kept them up. I also dont take my meds for high blood pressure (beta-blockers), as I dont get the scripts done in time.

My life has been pretty bumpy for the last 2 years, I moved in with a friend from work and developed feelings for him, which he used to his advantage even though he didn't reciprocate my feelings. I have now moved back in with my parents but I still spend time with the person I have feelings for. I was diciplined at work a year ago and almost lost my job. I have smoked weed sporadically over the last year also, the last time I did was about a month ago.

Sorry for all the random bits of information, but I thought if I could put a picture together of what I have been like maybe someone could help. I really want to feel better but I hate going to the doctor, and I have trouble keeping myself on meds. Is this a self distructive behaviour in itself?

Thankyou for reading.

Welcome.
You are not alone. I have been through the same. I found out that some antidepressants treat some chemical imballance and some treat other chemicals. I had to find which was best for me by a lot of trial and error. Durring this difficult time I found a book on Amazon.com called Cracked Teacups by B.E. Moore. As I read it, I felt less alone and more hopeful. It is easy reading and humorous. I would recommend everyone with depression read it. You can also order it at book stores or libraries as some of my friends got it there. Please read it. You'll be glad you did.