feeling down

I just need someone to talk with. I am always alone, with no one to talk to. I don't have any friends, and even on the social networking site that I use, no one ever wants to talk with me there.
I wish, that even just once, I could be special to someone. That someone would actually want to talk with me or spend time with me. I know that I am being selfish, but is it asking too much? Am I being unreasonable in wanting to be able to share life with someone? Most of the time I just feel like I am taking up space, and no one would even notice if I just disappeared. I always feel that when I talk to someone, they are just thinking of ways to get away from me and get out of talking. A lot of the time I just get ignored.
All I want is for someone to care.

Yeah I know how that feels. It sucks.

But you are special!!! And we care here... You can always talk on here when you need...

Take care,
Lipstick

Thanks for your reply lipstick..

It gets hard to remember to think positive when everything is negative. I can't even talk to my parents because they are so stressed out with their own issues, so I am their dumping ground for everything. It just adds and adds to the stuff that is going on with my life. And my mom and I just found out that we are completely the blackest of black sheep on her side of the family, so I've been trying to brush it off like I don't care and try to make my mom feel better since its upsetting her so much. But it upsets me too, because more and more now, I am realizing that I don't have anyone to turn to. And I need that so much right now. I just need someone to be there for me. My health is suffering more and more all the time, and I am so scared about my next doctor appointment, because I am at a really high risk for uterus and ovarian cancer. I don't want to find out the results...

It just gets to be too much stress to deal with on top of everything, and I have no one to talk to about any of it. So it builds up inside me and I just get so angry and depressed and so upset.. and I am trying so hard to not SI anymore, but its my only way to relax. Everyday is just more and more of a struggle, and I don't know where to turn.

I feel a lot you feel, except I am a male. I don't worry about diseases, but my life has been terrible. Always seemed like a dark cloud over me. I see a therapist to help me, I do have "1" friend, but most of the time I feel so alone. I have a father who has dementia and a handicapped brother (cannot talk) and I have no-one to talk to, except my therapist and occasionally, my best friend.

I take meds for depression and anxiety.

The holidays don't mean anything to me anymore, and I have nothing to look forward to. Today is Independence day, but it's just another day to me anymore.

Remember: you are special.

I hope you get to feeling better.

The holidays don't mean anything to me anymore either. I would rather just sleep through the entire day and skip it entirely. Canada Day was July 1, and my parents made me go out to visit family and wander around the celebrations... I hated every second of it. The next stupid hurdle to get over is my birthday. Its in September, but I just wish people would leave me alone and not mention it. And even though its still so far away, it makes me panic to think about what I might have to endure that day. Speaking of panicking, last night I was so panicky and uncomfortable it was ridiculous. I couldn't even stand being in my own skin if that makes any sense.. all I wanted to do was escape and get away from whatever it was that was making me so uncomfortable.. it was awful...

You say your parents made you attend a Canada Day get-together; do you have any family members that you could potentially bond with? I understand why you would hate such a thing, but maybe you could learn to tolerate seeing family members, and appreciate that your parents want you to see some relatives. You may not enjoy it, but if you spend some time with your parents and family members, you'll ultimately have a stronger bond with them.

it's important that you have some communication with your parents because you're lucky they are there; even if they as you say dump their problems on you. Have you tried telling your parents to tone-down the "dumping problems on you"; maybe you could try talking to them about your problems? I know, easier said than done, maybe it's worth a try.

I don't really have any close family members that I can bond with. I have one sister, who lives in Mexico, and we rarely talk at all, except for when she might be in the mood to pretend that I am part of the family. And I think one of the reasons I don't like being around family is because they pry. They pry into things that I don't think is their business to, and I am struggling with keeping my self harm a secret from them all, as they wouldn't understand. I get extremely stressed out whenever we have family get togethers, and I usually only go because it keeps my dad happy. And if I don't go, he gets upset..which is all a long story I won't get into. I feel like I have to do these things just to keep people around me happy, when in all honesty, I would rather choose to not exist anymore because I hate it so much. But I continue to put myself in these situations I hate so that everyone else thinks things are ok, and so that they are happy, even though I am suffering more then they could ever imagine.

And yes, I am grateful that I still have both my parents here with me, but I can't let them see how much I am struggling with everything. I don't want them to think that I have let them down, and I don't want them to worry about me. I can't ask them to not tell me their problems.. it just wouldn't work. My mom tells me everything that is going on with my dad, and how hard it is for her sometimes to deal with his anxiety and stress levels.. if she wasn't able to talk with me, I don't know how she would handle things. I am always the one that can calm my dad down about things, and get everything straightened out with him. It really is something that is beyond what I can handle, but I have to be strong and put my problems aside to help him through everything. And its the same with my mom.. I am the one who can get her spirits up about whatever is going on. Meanwhile, it just gets me more and more depressed, stressed, anxious, reclusive, etc.

I just feel like one of these days I am going to completely lose it... lately I feel like a ticking time bomb that is getting closer and closer every day to complete self destruction, and I am helpless to stop it from all blowing up...

and yet again, another phone call from my mother today.. I have to go be the happy go-lucky girl who needs to cheer up my aunt who is coming to visit. Because apparently, I am the one who has no problems at all, and I should be the one who helps other people deal with their problems, and get them to feel better. So because I can't say no, off I will go and be a person I am not, and put all my issues aside, and pile another persons on top of mine. Because everyone else is the priority. I have to be the strong, happy person who brings everyone else's spirits up. Meanwhile, mine just keep going further down. I can't even get up the energy to get out of bed right now, let alone take on someone else's issues. Every day just continually wears me down even more. It just gets to be way too much to handle...