i feel like giving up

I posted a couple of weeks ago and still haven't seen much change in mood. I have tried several different antidepressants and still I feel like giving up on life. I have a nagging feeling my life will end shortly anyway. Each time I fall into depression I fall deeper and quicker and stay there for a longer period of time. I have no interest in my schoolwork anymore. I am behind because I was in the hospital for swelling in the extremeities. I don't even care if I make up my assignments and I know thats horrible.
I am feeling sorry for myself because all my family is passed. My mom died in 2004, my dad in 2006, my brother in 2008 and I have a suspicion I am next i n 2010. I know it seem silly, but it seems so real.
Also this month would have been my moms birthday on the 26th.
So as I wallow in self pity I act like a pig. I can't seen to control my eating. I wait until I'm by myself to eat what I want and how much of it it I want. I am so desperate I have even tried to throw up my meals, but I don't have much of a gag reflex so I couldn't do it.
I still have intrusive thoughts/fantasies of hurting myself or others. I have told my Psychiatrist this but all he says is to talk it over with the therapist. I don't meet him until the 20th. I am just so fed up and don't know what to do anymore.

So... this is going to sound really stupid, but it works... and I'll even tell you WHY it works...

Meds are good, but they can't always pull you out when you're in too deep.

Take up exercise.
Walk your neighborhood for 30 minutes.
Go running.
Buy a trampoline.
Learn to play Dance Dance Revolution.
Join a gym.
Hell, go out for Swim Team at school.
The point is, be active.

If you're exercising, you're going to create endorphins. Endorphins can, in decent quantities, create euphoria.
If you're depressed, clinically, coupling some exercise like 3 times a week, 30-60 minutes, with some seratonin reuptake inhibitors will greatly improve your mood. The endorphins will raise your mood, and the seratonin reuptake inhibitors will allow the seratonin to sit in your brain longer, increasing the chances that your brain will absorb it (it's a little more complicated than that, but that's the jist of it).
If you're already a little more up, the extra seratonin will just continue to bring you up.
I have a propencity toward extreme anger and sadness.
When I'm on a regular exercise regime I'm better, less likely to snap.
My mother has clinical depression.
When I made her start coming with me, her mood greatly improved.
To the point she was able to ween herself to a bare minimum dose of her anti-deps.

Seriously, it sounds like bunk, it can REALLY help you out.

Yeah all that's happend to you dose suck horrably.... but I agree with ^^^^ to do some stuff to occupie your time & who knows may be your takeing way to much anti depressent's that could mess you up pretty freekn bad to but don't let me put crazy ideas in your head (i'm crazy) .. it's depression & i'm personaly sorry ((hug's)) I think you will be okay as long as you take care of yourself.

babydoll3005 wrote:
I posted a couple of weeks ago and still haven't seen much change in mood. I have tried several different antidepressants and still I feel like giving up on life. I have a nagging feeling my life will end shortly anyway. Each time I fall into depression I fall deeper and quicker and stay there for a longer period of time. I have no interest in my schoolwork anymore. I am behind because I was in the hospital for swelling in the extremeities. I don't even care if I make up my assignments and I know thats horrible.
I am feeling sorry for myself because all my family is passed. My mom died in 2004, my dad in 2006, my brother in 2008 and I have a suspicion I am next i n 2010. I know it seem silly, but it seems so real.
Also this month would have been my moms birthday on the 26th.
So as I wallow in self pity I act like a pig. I can't seen to control my eating. I wait until I'm by myself to eat what I want and how much of it it I want. I am so desperate I have even tried to throw up my meals, but I don't have much of a gag reflex so I couldn't do it.
I still have intrusive thoughts/fantasies of hurting myself or others. I have told my Psychiatrist this but all he says is to talk it over with the therapist. I don't meet him until the 20th. I am just so fed up and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi babydoll,

You sure have been through a lot. You are a strong person to make it this far. I have a good feeling you will have the strength to keep going. How did your mom, dad, and brother die? You don't have to answer that question if it is triggering.

Your psychiatrist should have done a lot more when you said you have fantasies of hurting yourself or others. Do you think you would benefit from hospitalization right now? Usually a psych would recommend it if you had thoughts of hurting yourself or others. If you believe the situation is very dire and don't see yourself making it past 2010 do let the psych know how important it is that you get a more effective treatment.

Do you have anyone you know and trust that you can talk to? Who do you live with right now?