Depression I think.

That really makes sense to me. I just wonder if all she seems to think of me is that I "drained away her happiness." I didn't mean to...

In the three years I've known her, I've reduced my normally minimal outgoing life to zero. I've not maintained contact with high school friends nor am I too friendly with my college friends. Even at school I never had many friends. A handful was all but to me they meant the world. I am like a kid in that you see. To me, the few friends that I have I want to keep for life. And in these three years, I have bartered all my other friendships to be atleast a friend to her.

How can people just cut people who just want to be friends like that? How can they be so paranoid? It's not like I'll just run down the aisle during her wedding and yell "I object!"

I thought she was my closest friend, first and foremost. I think that's what hurts the most. Losing the friend who meant the world to me. A friend who was close enough for me to forget my real friends.

I called one of them two days ago. A guy I haven't met in 4 years even though we sat next to each other for two years of high school. I want to reconnect with him and he does too so we're meeting up this thursday.

The moving on bit really hurts. I hate this feeling... Every known philosophy out there says we are born alone and we die alone... So why can another person hurt us this way?

If she really has forgotten me that easily, then I say good riddance. I am worth more than people to whom three years mean squat.

Why am I sighing though?

It's getting worse....

I kept looking at her facebook pics. Now she's blocked me even on facebook.

I feel so terrible... I can't even study for the end of dec semester exams....

if it was for some fight I would understand, but all she's blocking me is because i told her that i love her and because I told her even a little text message from her made me happy.

Why..... Do I really come off as a creep?
I just wish things were back to the way they were a year ago....

vinay, my friend, you have never come across as a creep, and I can assure you of that. You have been hurt and the way you are behaving is symbolic of that. I think that you're making the mistake that we all make though - i.e. that when one thing goes wrong, it seems like the end of the world to us. However, in any one person's lifetime, many things go wrong. A lifetime is a very long thing - the longest thing that you'll ever know - and just because one thing goes wrong does not mean that the rest of our lives have to be lived in a depressive state... ...and especially not over some silly girl who has no respect.

At this stage, all I want is for her to be my friend again.... but she is bent on that never happening again. I know I should forget her but I have never loved someone this much.... I want to move on but I also want to never forget her.... It's not fair that one person can spoil our mood this way....

I keep telling myself that she is just too rude and that I have to say good riddance but the next minute I get depressed and feel like crying.... I have never met this girl in 6 years mind you,.... not once on the outside world though she lives 2.5 km away.... So why am I this sad....

Perhaps it is true... you can't really make friends over the et who are meant to last.

God... I just need to forget her and move on...

I can understand why you want her to be your friend, but it just can't happen. For that to happen, both parties have to want the friendship to happen; but as you've stated she doesn't want it. It's like getting depressed over something ridiculously expensive that you know you'll never afford - i.e. there's no point continually thinking about how much you want it, because it just won't happen.

I know I come here with bad news. But today I feel terrific. I don't know if this feeling with last but I like the way I feel.

Last night I called up a friend I used to bother with my troubles with that girl. As I was talking I realised that I'm starting to like my free time. I don't have to spend hours everyday chatting with her. I am free!

It may be a temporary euphoria but I feel great. For the moment it doesnt matter what that girl said. All I know is that I don't deserve someone like that. I deserve someone stronger than a person who tried to kill herself 15 times. I used to compromise on many things. She never liked the same movies or songs. Neither did she read much beyond the books "in vogue". I'm realising that I'm entitled to someone who likes the same things that I like, to someone I can talk more to than just random everyday events or say "oh lol" to everything she tells me.

It's day 11 now, I hope this feeling never goes away.

This is indeed good news my friend. It's coincidental but the other guy that i know who is going through the same situation as you is also feeling better today. You seem to have done a lot of thinking about why you were feeling sad over her, and logic has now shone through because you've realised that she wasn't so great after all. Also, you're right: you DO deserve someone different from her - someone who likes what you like, etc.

Kevin

The feeling is still there today. I'm hoping it gets stronger every day.

Just few minutes ago I began to wonder why I even liked to torture myself by talking to her anyway. Sure she encouraged me to write my book, but any stranger who liked reading could have done that. Maybe it was because she is a girl that it affected me this way. No matter, I'm slowly yet steadily on my way to forgetting her.

Have you started to look at other girls much? When that happens, it's a sure sign that you've accept the loss (of the ex) and are looking to move forward. I have noticed a regular sequence of events now at how the aftermath of breakups develop. You're the third guy that I'm communicating with right now who is suffering from a break-up, but there have been many others I have spoken to too (and I myself have gone through it).

haha yeah! Though only at girls who resemble her, down to their choice in clothes. The hair style, even the arrogant frown on their face when they look at me.

I'm slowly getting there I guess. I'll admit that she wasn't the type for me at all. Dark, reclusive though she had a lot of friends. And she used to drink every now and then. I never can accept drinking, I have no story about how it ruined someone I know, I'm just prejudiced a bit that way. But I forced myself to accept that she drinks (even if it is only twice or thrice a year).

You know what's funny? I can't remember what I used to do to pass time before I started chatting with her 6 hours a day. That's a disturbing discovery to make.