New to the site... need some advice please help!!

Hi all... Im a 20 year old male and I have been suffering a great deal lately. I posted here because depression is my main problem at the moment.
I shouldn't have any reason to complain about my life. I have a great family who supports me and my mother is an angel and she has been with me through thick and thin. But lately I have absolutely fell apart. Horrible anxiety that has led me into a deep depression. I don't even know myself anymore. It feels like the end of my life and it very well could be if I don't get better. I started abusing percocets and oxycontin 2 years ago. I went to live with my sister at the beach for three months and came completely clean and it felt great. I came back home to work (in the family plumbing bussiness) with all the ambition in the world. Well soon after I got home and started working the anxiety started getting really bad. I didn't even entertain the thought that I had a problem. And after about three weeks I relapsed on the opiates. I had plans of staying clean of course... but the stress was so bad I felt like I had to have something to level me out. (I didn't know it was anxiety and was treatable). I ended up quitting the painkillers.... I knew I had to. And I tryed my best to keep what little life I had together, I tryed to keep working throughout the withdrawals hoping once I started coming clean everything would get better. And thats when I hit rock bottom. The stress was unbearable, Ive fallen into a five month depression. Quit working, can't make payments on my truck. (2007 Toyota Tundra) I lost it.... ive lost everything that ive ever valued about myself or life in general. Ive been putting so much blame and guilt on myself. But I realise that I have a mental illness and thats the only thing that takes some of the pressure off. I didn't know what anxiety or depression ACTUALLY was until now. And I realise that ive had anxiety and been depressed all my life. Not that ive had anything real bad thats happened to me compared to things other have had to deal with. But there seems to have always been a burden of guilt on my shoulders no matter what I did..... A couple things I want to mention.
1. When I was young... maybe 8 or 9 my little brother and I kinda played around with each other. Like show me yours and Ill show you mine kinda thing. Not that he is traumatized by it.. He probably doesn't even remember it. The thing is my mom saw us and told my father and ill never forget the words the he said when mom told him... MY SON????!!! I look up to my father as a god... I always have and I remember how bad that made me feel for the longest time. But it has never been mentioned since and my father has coached me in sports and I have fished bass tournaments with him and worked for him all my life. The thing is I have never felt good enough for him and it seems I have tried to subconciously make up for that by doing all those things with him. SERIOUS self esteem problems?
2. About that same time in my life we were on our family vacation at the beach. I was on my boogie board and got in a bad rip current and almost got swept away. My mom, sisters and dad formed a kinda conga line and pulled me back. For the LONGEST time I would cry thinking about that incident and would not get back in the water. And I also felt SO BAD about it. Like what if one of my family had got swept away themselves trying to save me?
Anyway thats about the extent of my problems I guess. Sorry for such a long post.... any insight or ideas to help me get my thinking straight would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks

Well, the first problem (1.) has probably been forgotten as just a curiousity about bodies. It doesn't sound like your dad thinks bad about you. I can see how this could have made you feel bad though, but I think most people have done something that seems strange.

The thought, coupled with a real event, of one's life (or even another's life) being threaten can be traumatic. Even though you know you are all safe now, it is easy to imagine how something bad could have happened. Do you often relive this experience mentally, through flashbacks?

How have you decided to handle these emotional troubles? I know medication, therapy, or a combination can work, but ultimately it is up to you which to do. I manage without since I am no longer in a severe state, but I did require them for a time.