Want to kill myself, but afraid of death

I just checked and he last logged-in back in February of this year. I remember talking to him though, and he informed me that he would be leaving the site. So, to the best of my knowledge he should be okay whatever it is he's doing now.

Kevin

people who want to kill themselfs usually do//if you think you want to kill yourself you dont its that simple// when i overdosed it was for real no ######6 thinking just do it // the reason i didnt die is after all my effexor tabs was i sat on the bed with a bottle of brandy///i swallowed the tabs with water //then took a massive swig of brandy an sat up it bed waiting//the wife was in the other bedroom sleeping// away from my constant roaming the house// this may be fate i dont no but as the brandy hit my guts i pucked every effexor out without breaking 1 open/// next i was in a ambulance with blue lights flashing//next made to drink a pint of charecoal crap// at this time believe it or not in england they send a mental heath nurse to see if you can go home//my wife said if he comes home he will be dead tommorow//i was admitted to the mental ward// i no this is an old bit of advice//but it stuck with me//a doc said, KILL YOURSELF AN YOU KILL YOUR WIFE AN KIDS???????????????? think on

I am not afraid of death, I am afraid of what I have to go through to get there (pain, fear, possible long agonizing death, etc)

Once I'm dead, it's all over. At least I hope so. The afterlife, I don't know if it exists, or it's man's belief that life does not really end (immortality) or there is a heaven and hell (I think Hell is on Earth) . But I sure don't want to go to hell, if it exists, after I die.

Death will be just like an endless sleep with no dreams. There is no after-life - you will simply cease to be. When I was suicidal, it was also the fear of going through qwith it that got me. Death itself doesn't actually bother me anymore, but as I've realised, it is quite difficult to kill your own self. there are physical AND mental blocks to it.

if you fear pain in suicide //the you dont really want to kill yourself or that wouldnt even enter you head// its just your illness twisting you brain to think all sort of $#%^/// there are hundreds of people,s life,s been ruined by peoples selfish acts of suicide//take a train driver who looks in the face of someone standing in the tracks looking staight at him//only to see in the next second the person disolve it front of his eyes/// he never works again, an his life to is probably over by someone selfish act//so the person not only kills themself //but the traindriver,s life an the life of his family//hard words i no as the suicide victim would not give that a thought as he or she,s mind is behond reason//

Hi,

It looks like this topic is a bit old, but I'm having trouble finding anything anywhere to identify with...

I've been thinking about doing th deed lately as well... Lately life has been difficult and I don't know where to turn or who to talk to. Honestly I don't even know if I want to talk to anyone. Ive been out of work for over a year and have resorted to taking just about anything if only someone would offer it.

If I were to be completely honest, I wouldn't ire me either. I'm a big overweight guy and I wouldnt want me hanging around an office either. All the people in my life say and think im a piece of $#%^ because I cant find a job like Im not looking hard enough or Im not willing to try to get a lower wage job or whatever... It doesnt matter though, maybe theyre right. I mean I think I try pretty hard, but maybe no matter how hard I do try im still a piece of $#%^.

Ive been thinking about suicide lately, and not just the emo "i might do it so I can get some attention" kind, but the actual "seriously considering it" kind. The thing is, is that I dont feel like I have mental illness. I feel like all the #######5 situations in my life are a result of my own actions and that I may actually make the world a better place as a result of removing myself from it. I'm scared though... Will it hurt? Will it do any good? When it comes right down to it, do I have the balls?

I'm an atheist so I dont worry about god and hell or whatever. I wanna pull the trigger but im too scared to do it. I think the world would be better off, but am I just too selfish...

Pointers would be helpful, although I understand if people have a moral objection... I am not here to make light of anyone's situation or steal anyone's thunder, but simply a like-minded individual.

Julia-L wrote:What stops you, Oblomov, is not fear, but merely a saving instinct. You actually want to go on livivng.

yea, many times suicidal thoughts come about not from wanting to die, but from wanting to live and be happy and hopelessness gets in the way of believing it will come (when it can in time)

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed."

http://www.katsandogz.com/onjoy.html

You've already experienced what it's like to not be alive.

Remember before you were born? You weren't alive then.

When you die, it will be the same thing. You won't be alive again. Just like before you were born. It's the exact same.

Anyways, it might be interesting to find this out first hand, but you're going to find that out eventually no matter what. Everyone dies. What's the hurry? Life is actually incredible short, a momentary blip in time compared to the eternity of the universe, so no matter what you're hardly alive for any time at all. Don't rush it, you'll get there eventually. In the meantime, try to watch and enjoy the story of life that is unfolding in the one you are living.

bigmike7104 wrote:yea, many times suicidal thoughts come about not from wanting to die, but from wanting to live and be happy and hopelessness gets in the way of believing it will come

Yes the pain of wanting a life that youve never had and the hopelessness of this state is my core reason for suicide, I think if I didnt want that life then I wouldnt be suicidal. The only thing that has stopped me carrying out many suicidal attempts is the fact that when I get to that point of jumping, I have nothing to lose, and therefore if I have nothing to lose, then maybe I can throw caution to the wind and consider doing something out of character, perhaps toying with the idea of telling people how much I want to die and that I hate what they have done to me and what I have done to myself. Sometimes it gives me enough motivation to get through the night.

^why are you so certain that you can get a life your happy with, though i can guess as i have been there many times myself though haven't been there in some time.
my advice though would try to not get too caught up in hopelessness, and don't look too much at the life you want.

based on what i have experienced, it's easy too look at the past and think that will be what's to come for the future, and it's also easy too hope too much that we end up looking too much at the life we want (only too much i mean), instead of being here in this moment, fully dealing with and embracing our pain which is important because as all feelings do, they communicate something to us, something that needs resolving and working through.

for the book when things fall apart, which is about applying the teachings of buddhism to help with the worst of times, the description says it beautifully

"There is a fundamental opportunity for happiness right within our reach, yet we usually miss it—ironically while we are caught up in attempts to escape pain and suffering."

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall- ... fall+apart

i know things seem hopeless for you, but i can speak from experience even when things look like complete hell you make it through, and make it out a lot stronger too.

I have nothing to lose, and therefore if I have nothing to lose, then maybe I can throw caution to the wind and consider doing something out of character, perhaps toying with the idea of telling people how much I want to die and that I hate what they have done to me and what I have done to myself

.

have you been to therapy, just wondering as that has made a big difference for me. it can also help you resolve that hate your holding within yourself, because even if it's directed toward other people it still hurts you. also what has helped me was looking at death and the shortness of life and thinking why take life so seriously, instead lets have fun. and i also noticed you said "do something out of character," i'm not sure if your doing this or not, but i used to define myself as depressed as if those things were my personality. but things like that don't make up the whole you, and their aspects of yourself, or things your dealing with that can change.

also feel free to pm