Suicidal

Hi Cagney!

Thank you. I'm feeling about the same today. I'm such a wimp when it comes to colds. I have allergies so it doesn't take much of a cold to knock me out. I just hate not feeling myself. Good thing I'm a stay-at-home mom!

Well on the one hand I'm glad to hear you are looking to get out and meet someone!! On the other hand I am a bit apprehensive about how you are meeting that someone. I guess I'm a bit leary about people meeting people in person from the net like that. I do realize that not every story is a bad story as you hear about. I do have a girlfriend that met someone from a singles "thing" on the net a few years back. They met in a christian chat room and really hit it off. They lived in different states! Long story short...they've been married 4 yrs. now....she moved to his state...and are expecting their 2nd child this month!! I mean of course...I have heard of some connections that go well. But because I have also heard of the people that go on and lie about who they really are just to stalk people and hurt/rape/and kill ....I just am so very leary of chat rooms and meeting people. ..........When you meet w/ this person....I say use common sense and caution. Don't meet at your place. Meet in a public place. Could you take your friend w/ you?...your friend from here that is? Maybe the 3 of you could go out for lunch to start out w/. And then if it goes well the two of you could continue on somewhere else, still continue on to another public place and see how it goes from there. I think she should be able to understand that. Have you given her your address or phone number yet..any personal information like that yet? My advice is to hold off on giving her that kind of information yet. Some people may think I'm being silly but I just don't think I am. Never hurts to play it safe. She may very well be a great person who is just as sincere as you are but until you know that for sure, play it safe! Like I said. I know there are TONS of great people out there on the net to be met...lots of ways to meet singles and so forth and people do it every day. I gave you the example of my friend who is now married and expecting her 2nd baby any day now. So I know there are lots of great happy endings. But for all the stories out there of people who are the "bad guys" ....just use common sense and play it safe!!!!

I'm sorry. I don't want to talk you out of this. I don't want to scare you off the whole thing because of my own fears about meeting people on the net. Again....all I stress is to use caution ok!! So k. Nuff said on my part...and resaid huh!!!

Ok. I'll let you go for today. I have tons to do and catch up on. My daughters are sick of waiting on me and decided to get themselves dressed for the day...they are so independent...but they got themselves dressed in their clothes from yesterday. YUCK!! So mommy better get her butt upstairs and get them dressed up for the day in fresh clean clothes and tended too! Gee...it's not even that late in the morning for heaven sakes...early birds!!!

Take Care,
Angel

Hi Angel

I'm afraid I've already been a bit stupid and given out personal details. I don't think I'm really worrying about meeting her because I feel it would be dangerous but maybe I'm being a bit naive there.

I just think I was maybe a bit hasty in thinking I was up to such a meeting in the first place. I'm having a really bad day today and have struggled all day to keep on top of my depressed mood. It's now 6.00 in the evening here and I've got the worst part of the day for me to face yet. I hate weekends because it just brings it home even more how isolated I feel. Everyone else seems to be doing family things and I'm just counting time until I can go back to sleep again, which won't be for hours yet. Every minute seems like an hour and I can't cope with it. The weather has also changed so I don't feel like going out anywhere. At least when we had the warm, sunny weather I could go to the beach but now its really grey and horrible.

I'm not sure what is going to happen about this meeting. I feel if I cancel it then I am letting her down and I could make her feel worse. But then she hasn't mentioned it since the other night so I don't know what is going on. I don't cope with uncertainty very well.

I started having doubts because she seemed to change her story very quickly. When we were talking on MSN the other night she was telling me how she was confused about her sexuality. She formed attachments to female teachers at school but thought she saw them as mother figures. Then she married, divorced and has a child. Then recently she found herself attracted to a friend. We talked a lot about all these feelings and I shared my feelings with her. Then the next day she sent me an email and said that she had thought about her feelings a lot after we spoke and thought she liked men after all. She said she hadn't gotten over an affair with a man she had last year and felt that clouded her judgement over this woman. She said she liked male company and the physical relationship. I don't know, maybe talking with me did help to clear her mind but she seemed to be able to see this clearly very quickly after we spoke. I don't know what to think.

I am sure she is a really nice lady, and she writes such nice replies to my posts on the forum but I am worried that meeting up will make it awkward for me to write honestly afterwards. Anonymity is what gives these forums their attraction for me, it makes me feel safe.

I just don't know what to do and thinking about all of this is making me feel worse.

I'm sorry to ramble on about it. I hope your cold is better too. I hate getting them too, especially seeing I get sinus trouble.

Cagney

Right now I'm feeling about as bad as it gets again. I've really p****d everyone off and no one is talking to me anymore. Not that I really blame them. It's my own fault. I make everyone feel like that. I hate myself and I hate my life. I just want it to end right now. I'm so horrible to everyone, I just drive them away. Punishing myself by self harming isn't enough anymore. I need to do more. It's all too much to cope with.

Hi Cagney,

I'm so sorry I'm late in replying to you. I was on the boards some in the last 3 days but had limited time to reply to people; I spent the last 3 days painting my two daughters' bedrooms. They each have their own rooms, so you can imagine how involved that project has been! My house has been an extreme mess w/ having their rooms emptied out into the rest of the house while I painted the bedrooms and ...urrr...I just can't handle that. I can't handle just one room being disorganized in the smallest of ways, let alone having my entire house turned upside down. Oh it was tiring and a long 3 days! Plus my girlfriend had her baby this week as well and I've been busy w/ that excitement.

I'm sure when you said you feel you've pissed everyone off that you meant more in terms w/ your life in the "real world" and I don't imagine you also feel you are upsetting anyone on any of the forums you post. But all the same, I want you to know that you have not upset me. I've only been absent longer then usual because as you can see, I've been pretty busy!

I know from experience that when you are dealing w/ depression it is VERY easy to convince yourself that you have upset people when you have not or that people don't care when deep down you know they very much do. It's also very easy when you are down to over analize every small mistake you make or error in judgement. But you have to realize that the BEST of people do that sort of thing every day. The only thing that makes you is HUMAN. Not a failure. Not a loser. Not incapable of anything. You can't be perfect. No one can. And hell...everyone has their own view of what "perfect" is anyway so it's pointless to try to be anything other than the best you can be. Not the best you think someone else feels you should be either mind you. But again...when you are depressed you allow a very distorted view of yourself to take over.



So how are things since your last post. Have you had some time to think any and feel better or do you feel the same? Have you talked more w/ the woman you planned on meeting? How do you feel about that meeting. Please don't take my advice on meeting her or not. I don't want to talk you out of meeting her just because of my fears about meeting people on-line. Personally it's not something I feel I could ever do but I think if you have concerns about whether or not to meet her....try to get some more feedback from others...either here on the forum or w/ your friends. I'm just one person w/ one opinion but that obviously doesn't make my opinion the right one...or the wrong one. Just makes it plain as what it is, an opinion! Which leads me up to my next point...you have to do what is right for YOU!! You said that you felt if you canceled the meeting then you would feel as though you are letting her down and that it might make her feel worse. Maybe this sounds mean, but you simply cannot worry about that. You need to do what is right and comfortable for you. I mean obviously you don't have to be calous about canceling the meeting. I think if you are nice in your explanation as to why you feel you've changed your mind, I really feel she'll understand and not be hurt. Maybe disappointed, but I don't think she'll be hurt or that it would make things worse for her. And if she views it as that much of a rejection; again, you cannot let that be your problem. And if she allows something like that to be that big of a problem and rejection for you, you might need to consider cutting back your ties w/ her before you get in too deep. You only just started talking w/ her on line. To put so much emotion into things so fast that one of you deciding that you are not ready to meet in person yet and wants to back things off, at least for now..if that is enough to cause more then just a small disappointment at this stage...you simply do not need that. That's really getting way too attached way to fast for a simple on-line chat w/ someone in such a short time. And I'll be honest....I really do believe she'll understand if you decide to change your mind. I think these things I'm laying out as "what ifs" are not things you'd need to even worry about. I really don't. And then of course...as I always remind....they are also just my opinion and some may not agree w/ me either. But it's my view on the situation. Not sure if that helps you or not, but I'll offer it up to you all the same.

I'm so sorry you are hurting and feel this need to use physical pain to deviate from the emotional pain. I understand that need as in my teen and college years I used to cut my arms w/ razors and burn them w/ ciggerrettes. I also resorted back to that about 2 yrs. ago for a very short time when I was at one of my low points...only last 2 weeks; thank goodness and I was able to get myself out of that quickly and back into all the things I was striving for in my counseling. I had not "pulled that crutch from the closet" in years and to see myself going back into the closet for that, so to speak, when I now have two young children to sort of answer to...I guess that was stronger then the urge to cut for me even though I just wanted to die at that point. So yes. I can relate to that need. However I can also know it doesn't solve anything. Really it does two things; it deflects your emotional pain and only briefly and it adds more emotional issues to your already weighted down shoulders to carry. You hate yourself...you can't handle all the emotional issues you have to think about and try to deal w/...you can't stand it...so you cut or whatever measure of physical pain is your choice...and for that time you are sucked into another world...I don't know about you but when I cut I could be sitting in a bright light filled room and yet I was so focused in on my wrist and that razor it was though it was completely dark around me. And often times I didn't even feel pain. Course w/ cutting you don't cut deep enough to need stiches...no no no...the point is not to hurt enough to need a dr. ...don't want to get caught. THe point is to feel enough pain to deflect from the emotional pain and well for me....if I could see the flesh cut open and see the blood pour from it...it didn't have to be deep...enough that I had to use bandages and gause...but not so deep for stiches or that I'd bleed through my clothes. Enough that it could scab over in an hour and I could cut later. And enough that I still carry scars. But then when I couldn't cut...I had to look at all those cut marks. And great...now not only did I have the emotional pain I couldn't deal w/...couldn't seem to run from...seemed to hurt from so bad inside...the physical pain helped to deflect for that short time...I could get so wrapped up into the cutting and watching the cutting on my arm I could be carried away and lost in it all and not think about my 'issues" or anything....and then it was all over. The cutting was done and there was my arm. And I had to stare at it and stare at it. There was the guilt that came w/ it. THe oh my god...look what I've done. How do I hide this. I wanted to stop and I couldn't. But more so...it was bad enough I had the emotional issues always there....sometimes if you really try hard you can shut them out you know...you can convince yourself you are ok...just for a little while and "hide"...but not when I cut...because after the cutting was done and that emotional high was gone...I had those damm cut marks and scars to stare at and I knew exactly why they were there and i couldn't run from or hide from that. So about the only thing they were in truth doing for me was making my emotional issues 100 times worse and adding to the issues, not taking away. Course it became an addiction after awhile. I didn't want to cut then anymore then I wanted to deal w/ the emotional issues. But I didn't know how to stop.

Why do I share that w/ you? I just really want you to think about what you are doing. I want you to understand because I hear in your words that you feel the physical pain is not enough and you are looking for more ways....to what Cagney? Bigger ways to harm yourself? But that's not going to get you better and you know that. It will only always keep deflecting briefly and adding to your issues that you have to work through. And the problem is that as much as you want to work through the things that got you to this place in the first place; you simply don't have all the know how to do that on your own. It's way to complicated; how could you? So you can't fault yourself for feeling this way and not being better. You simply can't do it on your own. Yes....you need to be a big part of the process and help yourself. I'm a big believer that there is no magic pill out there that you can just take and everything is magically better. However I do believe meds can help you...I just don't believe they are magic curealls! You can't help yourself alone. You need a professional that can look at your whole picture and then break it down bit by bit for you and help you work through everything at the right pace. Give you the answers you are seeking and help make things right again. And maybe things will never be 100% right. Who's to say what that really is if you think about it! But a counselor can help turn so much of things around and get you back on the path back up out of the hole you feel in now.

I know. Right now these all sound like wonderful words that you just can't believe possible. You'd like to, but you can't believe for you that it could ever be. Something held you back in the past....so of course it will in the future. But that is the attitude I'm talking about. You have to fight that w/ every thing left in you no matter how little you feel you have left.

Ok. I will stop here for tonight. I just believe in you that you can turn things around and make them better. I'm not saying it will be easy. Things do take time and work. But I believe in you that you can make it better and as opposed to just giving up or continuing on to just accept things like they are and hurting yourself as a way to "cope".

-Angel

Hi Angel

Have you finished the decorating now? I hope you're feeling better if you've been able to get the house back to normal.

I was in fact referring to people on forums. I do realise now that most of my fears were unfounded. I've been talking to a lady on one who is a hypnotherapist and I've been finding that useful. I keep apologising to everyone for the amount of times I'm posting on the sites because I believe that people will get fed up of me. She told me I didn't need to apologise to her and that I'm the only one being affected by this. She suggested I might try to push people away to confirm my belief that people are going to abandon me, to try to prevent myself getting hurt. She said its quite understandable considering the events of the past but I need to try to trust that not everyone is like that.

However on one forum I write on someone wrote the following:

'Who isn't talking to you now ? Calm down. Don't let a bad day start you thinking of suicide again. It isn't the solution and it never will be. You seem to behave as though your life is run by other people, seriously affecting you by the actions they do or the actions they don't do.

People cannot be responsible for your life.

You blame yourself for them not talking to you, but this isn't true. Doing this will either make them angry or upset as a result of the responsibility you are placing on them for how you feel and whether you stick around or not. This is not fair of you to do this.

Do you do this to try to control them. That by making them feel guilty for not being in touch all the time, they will conform to your needs.

You really need to stop manipulating people like this. They have every right to do something else or have their own crisis and not be able to talk to you. You cannot demand that in the midst of their problems that they must consider you or else you will end your life. What sort of additional stress are you thinking of putting on these people ?'

I would never tell anyone that I feel like killing myself because they hadn't replied. I wouldn't put the guilt onto someone else in that way. I was upset because I worry about burdening other people and that they will stop replying, but I would never threaten to kill myself in order to get a response. Receiving that message just topped off my day. It made me feel a hundred times worse and because I felt so bad about myself I ended up self-harming again.

The meeting with the friend I met through one of the forums didn't go ahead. She's having a difficult time too at the moment and didn't feel able to travel all the way here. I think we should've just spoken about the situation earlier. I was not worried about meeting her because of any danger. The members of this particular forum recently had a get together and she attended so she is known to other people I talk to on the forum. It was just my social anxiety and fear of speaking that made the meeting seem too daunting. We've decided to put meeting up on hold for the moment until we're both feeling stronger. We can still talk on MSN in the meantime.

Thank you for sharing your experiences of self harm with me. I identify with a lot of what you've said. I have never cut, always too worried that people would see because of scars. I hit myself with heavy objects or bang myself against walls. I'm able to hurt myself in places that no one can see and the bruises fade over time. I hear what you're saying about it not solving anything and just adding to the emotional baggage. For me, I feel the need to do it when I can't handle the emotional pain I'm feeling and I need to cause myself physical pain instead because it's easier to cope with the physical pain. I also feel a need to punish myself because I feel worthless and I believe I deserve it. You are right about the shame and guilt afterward compounding the problem and it is addictive. The more I do it, the more I need to do it and the slightest thing starts me off. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't do it at least once. I don't know how to stop.

You are right that I'm finding it is not effective is stopping my emotional pain and I am self harming more frequently and doing more damage to try to block the pain out.

I feel in a scary place at the moment. I still have suicidal thoughts but no longer feel I can act on them, as I don't want to hurt anyone else and I know it would hurt the new friends I have made on different forums. So I continue to self harm hoping it will take the pain away but knowing deep down that it won't. I'm terrified of being abandoned by everyone and ending up on my own again but I find it difficult to completely trust people when they say they are not going anywhere. I am feeling more like I want to get professional help. I still can't go to my doctor and I really don't trust the NHS psychiatrists. I'm struggling with my fear of seeing anyone and having to talk and also finding a way to afford a private therapist because I feel it is my only way forward. The hypnotherapist I mentioned is looking into finding a good professional in my area but I'm really scared.

Cagney

I think you may want to seriously consider going to a professional. The amount that people can help you over the internet is probably limited. You have made some progress, but you are still harming yourself. I feel a little inadequate and guilty that you are still harming yourself. I try to say the right things that may help you, but it is not enough.

I'm mostly a drug addict bipolar. I did not do the kind of self-harm that people do today. It wasn't the thing to do. Getting drunk and destroying things was more the style of me and my buddies.

However, I do love physical exercise with a lot of violence and pain because of the intensity. When I'm fighing someone in martial arts, even though I'm feeling a lot of physical pain, my mental pain does disappear for a while. I would rather suffer any amount of this type of physical pain then endure anxiety and depression. Sometimes I have to go to the hospital and to doctors due to my injuries. I do not cut myself, but I do inflict a lot of pain on myself. If someone gave another this much pain, they would be arrested. So I may be just like you. I say to myself that my exercise keeps my weight down and makes me healthy. But, maybe that is just an excuse I'm fooling myself with.

Good Luck,
Jim S

Jim,

Please, you must know that it's not your fault when people continue to harm themselves or continue on w/ the behaviors we try to give them support and advice for here. It's as simple as you said; we are limited in what we can do on a forum to help people. And we are simply not qualified as a professional w/ the educational training and years of experience behind them. Yes. We can offer our support and advice and guidance based on our own experiences and that does go a long way for many people. But it's still not the same as what a professional can do and you must know that deep down! I read many of your posts here and you do a lot for people. You provide valuable resource information and have a lot of great ideas and suggestions. And just that you are willing to come to the site and talk w/ people and share your personal experiences goes a long way in support.

I don't believe so much that I can help someone here, not the way a professional can. When I post w/ people on the board, I don't believe that simply by talking w/ them and urging them to seek out help or telling them my story and what worked or didn't work for me, that all of these things will be enough for the poster. I always hope I'll hear back that the poster did decide to get counseling, or that some of the suggestions helped resolve a conflict, etc. But when someone is not ready to take the steps necessary to get better and make change....I cannot blame myself. I'm not equipped to help to that degree and I realize that. All I can do is offer advice and opinions based on where I've been and what I see in life because of that. And as you know...we only see a small scope of a person here in the forum compared to what a counselor would see of that person in their office! Don't get me wrong. I can't blame myself and I don't...but it does still hurt to see the poster going through things...naturally...because we care so much. But I just have to remind myself I'm only one and I can't change it for them, they have to find that w/in themselves to do.

I think to a certain degree we definetly help people here simply because we show we care and offer our support. But we don't change the issues they are dealing w/ or make them any less or more. Well...I can't speak for everyone and all forums. I'm talking more on the larger scale things we see. Sure sometimes we get some easy things through here and someone has the perfect advice and the poster says you know what...that's exactly what I needed to hear...I'll do that and that's all I needed. But we know that what is seen here on this type of forum is most often of very traumatic and complex natures. It's far more then any of us could ever hope to help a person through from some posts. I think all we can do is be part of the bigger picture. We can be a support link, but just like taking a pill....it's not a magic cureall...there needs to be...for so many of the posters here....that professional link.

I don't mean to undermind any of us on the board. I feel what we all offer here is very valuable. I just want to make clear to people that you can't blame yourself if the person you are posting w/ is not seeming to get better no matter what you say in your posts to try and convince them to stop or get help, etc. We've all been there before, or are maybe "there" right now. You have to be ready to take that step and no one can do that for you. All you can do is support a person and offer advice, guidance, show that you care. You do that in all your posts Jim. For some that is enough and that helps, but for others, they will simply need more then we can ever possiblly give here. I don't think that means we need to give up on them either. They still need to know people are out here and care about them. And that until they are ready to get more links in that support chain; we are still part of their process. We just can't be it all for them.

I don't mean to go on and on and I'm sure you already realize all of this. But I just hate to think of you feeling guilty when I see you do so much in your posts for the people on this board.

-Angel

Hi Jim & Angel

I have to agree what Angel says about the support you can give. I'm sorry if what I've been writing is hurting anyone. It just helps to be able to let the feelings out and know someone cares. I don't expect anyone on a forum to be able to solve all my problems, I know it has to come from me. I seems to be upsetting people everywhere and it is not my intention to do that.

I have just felt trapped in a very scary place and have been feeling so low that I haven't been able to seek any professional help. Past experiences of psychiatrists has also scared me so much that it is a very frightening prospect to seek help.

I can appreciate it must be very frustrating to have someone like me who doesn't seem to take any advice you give and I know I am still self harming but although I know this is destructive behaviour, I think of it as preventing me from attempting suicide. I need a way of coping with all these feelings I am struggling with and self harm provides a release from them, if only temporary, and I feel I am less likely to do anything more serious.

I would like everyone who has posted here to know that your support is very much appreciated, as I hope you can see by the fact that I am still here and talking to you.

I have a bit a news because I saw a therapist yesterday. The hypnotherapist I mentioned that I'd been talking to from another forum found her for me. I think talking to her, as she is a professional, helped to convince me that not all therapists are like the ones I've seen in the past. I was still extremely scared and dragged my friend with me for support.

I think this will be a long journey and of course taking the first step doesn't mean I automatically feel any better because I have so many issues to work through.

I hope this news proves how much you do help people who come to these forums and that your continued support is so helpful.

Cagney

Hi Jim & Angel

I have to agree what Angel says about the support you can give. I'm sorry if what I've been writing is hurting anyone. It just helps to be able to let the feelings out and know someone cares. I don't expect anyone on a forum to be able to solve all my problems, I know it has to come from me. I seems to be upsetting people everywhere and it is not my intention to do that.

I have just felt trapped in a very scary place and have been feeling so low that I haven't been able to seek any professional help. Past experiences of psychiatrists has also scared me so much that it is a very frightening prospect to seek help.

I can appreciate it must be very frustrating to have someone like me who doesn't seem to take any advice you give and I know I am still self harming but although I know this is destructive behaviour, I think of it as preventing me from attempting suicide. I need a way of coping with all these feelings I am struggling with and self harm provides a release from them, if only temporary, and I feel I am less likely to do anything more serious.

I would like everyone who has posted here to know that your support is very much appreciated, as I hope you can see by the fact that I am still here and talking to you.

I have a bit a news because I saw a therapist yesterday. The hypnotherapist I mentioned that I'd been talking to from another forum found her for me. I think talking to her, as she is a professional, helped to convince me that not all therapists are like the ones I've seen in the past. I was still extremely scared and dragged my friend with me for support.

I think this will be a long journey and of course taking the first step doesn't mean I automatically feel any better because I have so many issues to work through.

I hope this news proves how much you do help people who come to these forums and that your continued support is so helpful.

Cagney

Cagney,

That's WONDERFUL news!! I'm so excited for you that you have found a therapist to work w/! And I very much realize that you won't start feeling better after the first appointment. I'm glad you realize that too. It definetly takes time. I hope you don't expect to start feeling better even after the first couple of appointments. Well, it just depends what your expectations are as to how you start to feel really. You might start to feel just as though some of the "weight" has started to be lifted from you shoulders simply because you feel like some of all of "this" is now in the hands of a person you feel is more qualified to help you handle it all. But like you said, you have a lot of complicated things to work through and it definetly it going to take time and work. And work on your part too! Not just talking w/ the counselor kind of work on your part but as you go along, being able to take suggestions of the counselor and putting those suggestions and "goals" into place and seeing how it all goes. Course those kind of things are probably a ways off yet. All in due time!

And don't be discouraged about coming here to post either. Yes it is frustrating to post w/ people you care about on the forums and feel like you are not helping them. But I would hate to think that you or anyone else stopped posting how you felt because of that. I want you to feel that you can still post as often as you need to exactly how you feel and I'll continue to post my suggestions and advice and support whether you feel you can go along w/ any of it or not! Just as I'll always have my opinions and suggestions, etc.; you'll always be able to take them or leave them for whatever your reasons are...be it you disagree that they are helpful or that you agree they may be helpful but you just don't feel you are up to trying them at the time!! I'd rather you come back and talk to me then have you say "oh, I think she's getting frustrated w/ me by now so I'm just not going to come back anymore". That would upset me more then the other way around!!!

I come to these forums and talk w/ people as a form of support for myself. I've been through a lot in my life. You'll notice if you read through my posts that I don't so much talk about my own problems that I deal w/ on a daily basis as in asking for help for myself but more so to share a part of myself to try and help others. But that does not mean I'm not struggling too or not going through anything currently in my own right. I do struggle daily and have issues I'm currently dealing w/ too. But how I cope is to come here and talk w/ others about what I've been through...more so in my past then present mind you, but yes also currently go through and try to help others rather then actually seek out advice. I also read other people's posts and get a lot of help that way too for myself. But it feels so great to reply to posts and try to share from my experiences and hey...if it helps someone at all...great. I know I'm no professional...I just want people to know that I'm one of many others that have been through things too and that they are not alone....and that hey...I've been through "it" too and this is what I did....they can take from it if they like, if they feel it helps...and if not...fair enough...everyone is different. But it helps me to talk about it this way rather then to keep it bottled up inside. I genuinly care about people even though I don't know them. I care because I know the hell I've been through w/ my struggles and when I read about other people going through it, I can't help but care that someone else has had to go through similiar and it's just natural to me to want to share of myself and try to help if I can. So this is my support link too. It's just one of many things I can do to get through my days. I do it for myself but again...I do it for others too because it's just how I am and I like to try to help. .......So I just want you to understand that because I don't want you to feel like you have to give up on coming here to talk!

-Angel