Efexor

I went off it for a few days because I thought I was going to get better without medication, I had a few plans for my near future in order and ready to go and then I was having problems with a good friend of mine "guy friend" and I began to manipulate him by threatening him that I'm going to cut myself, which I have for a few months now.

I'm a very insightful person, when it comes to others and myself but I have these moments where I become uninhibited and I wouldn't they are stupid but others would and lose all sense of direction, where I'm going, what I'm trying to make better for myself, manipulate others (only those I'm romantically involved with, never family), I stop talking my medication or I increase it, for example from the 150 mgs I'm on I decided I'd go to the doctors one day and said I don't think this is working for me, so he said we have to ween you off them, so I went away with 2 prescriptions and ended up thinking "f" you doctor and took 300 mgs of Efexor, this was so a week last week, then went off it completely and now I'm back on 150mgs.

I don't know what my point is here but I noticed Monday that when I am off it and dizzy and my head is buzzing around that my anxiety came back within 2 days and as I was walking to the shop I felt cars going past were looking at me.

I know getting better takes time but I thought I'd be ok by now.

And lets not forget my love for 8 scotches and coke within a few hours that I am all of a sudden able to handle but now its almost a craving but a craving I can handle.

I am going to end up dead somewhere because I can't say no and I love being stupid.