feeling unwanted

this could go in a few sections but this one sounded like the best place for it.

i just have a feeling like nobody wants me.im haveing a really really bad time right now.i have no money,no home,no nothing.my friends say i can come stay with them for as long i need to.so i go stay with them and a week or 2 later they throw me out or start bitching about stuff till i leave on my own.the last one was telling everybody but me that they didnt want me in thier house.

so now im sitting in a friends tow yard in a car when its almost 100 degrees.thank god the A/C works!ive had bad times before and ive bounced right back from them but i dont think im gonna be able to bounce back this time.the hole im in is way tooooooo deeeeep.and its not even all my fault.most of it was caused by my ex.

i dunno what the ###$ is wrong with me this time.

Hey Rich,

I think that the heat is better than it being cold, or even raining (like it is here most days); but, Rich, forget about these guys that don't want you. If they don't want you, then you shouldn't concern yourself with them. There is a way out of this for you - I don't know what it is but I know that it's there. You appear resilient. I mean, look at your situation now: I think most people would have caved-in but, no, you're holding it together.

Kevster.

the heat really sux when you dont have any clean clothes or a place to take a shower.im still trying to figure out how in the world im staying together and not loseing it.this is not what i had planned for myself!!

No-one would plan for such a thing. These bad things collide with our paths in life out of nowhere. What's the story now anyway, with the court case and such?

well i took care of the huge problem.i updated one of my other threads that i have going about it.but i dont know whats going on with it.i was supposed to get something in the mail but it never came.i had it sent to a friends house but she never got anything in the mail for me

This may sound very irresponsible but did you ever think of just vanishing and re-creating your entire life in a completely different state, or even country? You still seem to be tied-down to a few things there that are causing you grave concern.

Kevin

i wish i could just disappear.but im not smart enough to be on my own.im just too damn stupid to take care of myself.and i have to have some people that i know or ill lose my mind.but i am leaving this state.but i gotta get this whole child support mess that my ex caused straightened out.i need my drivers license and one of my trucks or im screwed like i am now.i dont mind being homeless but i gotta have 1 of my trucks cuz i can use them to make money or get to someplace that needs my services to make some money.dont care about washing my clothes,ill just thorw them away and buy new every couple days as long as i have money.i got 7 dollars to my name right now.i need a drink,something to eat,cigarettes and gas for the car so i can run the A/C.so i guess im screwed for tonight and hope i find some money tommorow?

When times are tough, do whatever you have to do to survive, Rich. For example, you need money to buy food, but you don't need it to get food. Yes, throw all morality out the window when you need to survive because people will not be kind to you even when you are in your current situation. They will still try to hurt you.

Kevin

well i got a few bux that a friend owed me.but in the process of getting it i got yelled at as usual.everybody is mad at me.i know they dont agree with my decision on how i want to deal with this child support mess that im in.i understand that they are mad at me but there is no need to get mad and yell at me and stuff.

i was already upset cuz i found a hotwheels truck that i bought for my kid on the ground where my truck used to sit.its run over and broken.i had it in the glovebox with the only picture i have of him.somebody decided to rummage through the truck while i was gone and they mustve threw the toy on the floor and then knocked it out onto the ground.ive been upset about it all day since i found it.been trying not to cry cuz im sick of crying all the time.as much as i dont want to see him i do miss him.

everybody says to think about whats best for him.i did think about it.its best if i just stay away.ive already messed his head up enough and his mother is makeing it worse.i dont want to deal with her either.its because of her that i cant have him around me.i was ready to see about takeing him here and there when i could.was gonna see if i could have hime for halloween for a few hours.but the day i was gonna email her about it i found court papers stuck in the door of my house.now because of that im homeless,broke and just plain ###$ up.now he is just another trigger that i need to avoid.and i need to avoid him for his own safety.it only takes 1 word to set me off and if he is with me when it happens im afraid to find out what would happen.i would never intentionalyt hurt him or cause him to be hurt.but when i snap i dont know whats happening till the dust clears.i dont trust myself.i havent been able to find a med to stop that either.smokin weed helps alot but i cant have him and be stoned at the same time.just like i wont drive while high i wont be around kids either.


i also do auto reposessions.in that line of work i cant have a kid around me.i never know when somebody is gonna show up to put a bullet in me or something cuz i took thier car.what if somebody shot at the truck and missed me but got him?thats a chance im not willing to take.


plus his mother doesnt want me to have any visitation or contact with him anyways.she wants to take him out of this state.i told the court that i dont have a problem with that but she needs to let me sign away my rights to him and drop this child support nonsense.if i cant or talk to him when im ready then why the ###$ should i have to pay for him?im sure when he gets old enough or if she lets him he is gonna want to come find me.i have no problem with that either.i wont be hard to find.ill make sure some people know how to get in touch with me if he ever does show up at somebodies house looking for me.dont know how i will explain my decision to him if he does find me but ill figure it out.hes a smart kid so im sure when he sees the $#%^ his mother has done to me he may understand why.

Buddy... ...I don't know what to say. You appear to have a new problem each time I speak to you. Like, I don't think you mentioned your kid too much before (or maybe I just missed it). When you have this much to contend with, I don't know how you cope, but the point is that you are.

I commend you my friend. When you get through all of this, you will be one of the wisest people on Earth.

Kevin