Not going away....

Yeah......

There are people with bigger problems in life, so I feel pathetic posting this.

Basically I've been depressed for about the last 8 months. I felt horrible until nearly two months ago.... Now I just bob back and forth between feeling kind of normal and then right back in the hopeless dark place. It's like I can't convince myself everything will be okay and the stuff that has me down isn't a even a big deal. Those thoughts are all rational to the situation, but my head won't take them. This would happen during my lows before this long-lasting depression, I'd only feel hopeless.
I used to have my highs in between sometimes, but not in the recent month. I feel like they're trying to come on at times, but it's like a bird trying to take off but it can't. There's only a slight happiness, thoughts often aren't as fast as they used to get, some hyperactivity, and optimism.

I'm so tired of this. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Yeah, posted on a medical site and a nurse suggested a mood disorder when I explained these highs and lows I have. She said I could be bipolar. I'm pretty friggen sure I had major depression for about two months during all this, then some stuff faded off while other bits went strong.

What is this, a mood disorder thing? I'm going to the doc about this, but how do I make it go away? How effective are anti-depressants/mood stablizers whatever they may put me on depending upon diagnosis? I'm considering therapy, too.

This post feels self-indulgent, but I am confused.

Any advice would be appreciated
Thanks~

Hi!

Is there a specific thing that you are depressed about, like tough financial times, or you feel lonely or worthless or something? Do you miss an ex-boyfriend or a loved one who died perhaps? I just wat to know what specifically is making you depressed, if you mind sharing.

I think that your post isn't self-indulgent. Some people have terrible lives, but it doesn't mean that they are worse off than you. Depression is more common with suburban californians than with starving Africans. If you're sad you should always seek help. I recommend that you seek therapy.

I don't know too much about medication. Sorry.

--sean

Thank you I appreciate your feedback.


Well....... My boyfriend broke up with me.... For the first three months I was just very sad, then it started making me feel worthless, hopeless, and empty (three things I've always had problems with). Other stuff set in and that was when I'm sure I had major depression for about two months. It was horrible.
I just don't get how a stupid break up can be so destructive? It makes me feel pathetic. The nurse I spoke with said something ADHD medication making an undiagnosed mood disorder worse (I take adderall). I hope that's it, because if not I'm pretty worried (and embarassed, haha) about myself.

Since those two months, it's been slowly lifting. I feel.... inwardly worn out. I don't feel like that person I was, like something's been taken from me. I still feel hopeless at times like I said. My view on life is cynical and I feel lost-don't know what to do about it or if things will ever be too great for me. Typical depression stuff is all.

I know kinda how you feel. I take it reallyy badly when I lose my friends, and although I have never been in a relationship, I can imagine that it would be pretty bad for me. I definitely feel sometims that because I lose so many of my freinds that no one wants to be freidns with me, that there is something wrong with me and that I am hopeless. I hate it when someone I love doesn't even like me.

I suggest that you go out on dates and find a new boyfriend, if you are ready for a new relationship. Maybe you will forget him if you have someone else to love. Maybe this isn't good advice but this is what I'm planning on doing when (if) I go back to school.

Also, are you sure that you need ritalin? I'm just saying that because ADD/ADHD seems over diagnosed these days.

I assure you that no one is worthless or hopeless, and I'm sure that your depression will lift if you try to overcome it. You must'nt lose hope.

You say that your view on life is cynical. I suggest just focusing on the good things in life, and if you feel like criticizing something (I don't know if you do that a lot, or anything) just hold back your tongue. Try not to think about your boyfriend, and try to avoid anything you associate with him.

I'm sorry if I don't give good advice . . . .
--sean

Nah, you didn't give bad advice at all. What you said makes me feel better.


What you described with lost friends is almost the same as what I got from a lost boyfriend. The break up almost seemed like confirmation that I am worthless (I couldn't control the feelings away) and unlovable/not good enough which then caused feelings of hoplessness about my self and emptiness towards my life.

This is why I'm afraid of being in love, but the same time I want to be loved. I actually looked for reasons not to like him too much or trust him. I was afraid of getting hurt, so I tried to look for any sign of danger, or at least have a list of why losing him wouldn't be a big deal. I know I'll get a new boyfriend at some point, but I don't doubt I'll do all that with him. Hahaha, I suck. I do want a new boyfriend, though. Even for all the madness I had with my trust problems it was pretty fun.

I feel like I'm over *him*, but when I think of the whole ordeal it triggers depression (worthlessness, hopelessness) sometimes.

As for ADHD..... Well, anyone who really knows me will agree that there isn't a way I don't have it. Yeah, it seems to be diagnosed too much and incorrectly.... I couldn't be more positive of myself though..... I was I didn't need adderall, but for all my life I function horribly in school without it. Even with it school is still difficult.

You and I both know that no life is worthless or hopeless .... But when something this triggering happens, it's like your head just won't believe it, the delusions are out of control. :/ This is where therapy looks good.

Btw, do you attach to people easily? And it sort of sounds like friends leave often? If you don't mind me asking all that. Just curious, because it sucks to go through this crap, even if you don't hit rock bottom.

Good luck on getting a relationship.

Sorry for the novel. Hahaha....

I'm glad I helped you feel better.

May I ask how old you are? I'm just wondering (I'm 19 by the way).

It sounds like you are a really nice girl, and I bet that it would be east for you to get a new boyfriend. And I'm sure that after this experience maybe it'll end up better and if you do break up it won't feel too bad. I can't really give you advice on getting another boyfriend because I wouldn't know, haha. To tell you the truth, I'm jealous that you had a boyfriend (not that I want a boyfriend; I want love). And although it felt bad when youy broke up, you had known love, and had good times with someone of the opposite gender, something that a few people haven't experienced (like me).

I definitely attach to people easily. I do this because I'm so desperate for friendship, especially from girls. If they talk to me even once then I really really like them which is a problem because I make them uncomfortable.

I can't say that friends leave often because that would imply that I have had at least a normal amount of friends. But I've probably only had maybe ten friends in my life, and I have lost most of them, even though I'm not sure how many of them were actually friends instead of acquiantances. I've only been invited to maybe 4 or 5 graduation parties and besides that no one has invited me to go to the movies or to sleep over or to take a walk or anything. I never had a good friend, I guess, and the people who I thought were hated me. I haven't seen any of my friends since summer started 2 months ago. I'm sure that you have a much better social life than me.

Thank you for wishing me luck on getting a relationship, haha, and you needn't worry about my novel.

Imma 17. And thank you. You're very nice, too. I was kinda surprised you're so young. You almost seem too nice and wise for your age.

Hahaha...... I used to be jealous of anyone with an SO, even if it didn't last for them.... You have nothing about my experience to be jealous of. The pain in the end outdid the happiness that had been before. It wasn't worth it, or doesn't seem that way now. On a positive note I've gained knowledge and wisdom from the relationship and the depression that followed. There was much experience in it all.

My social life sucks. I think I've only had 4-6 friends in my life. Two of those are going on now. Nothing to be jealous of.

I'm not saying this in a mean way, it seems strange that you don't notice a person's true feelings to you.... Or that you keep sort of making the same mistakes over..... What are you doing exactly? Maybe I can help you sort it out?
I'm just saying, there are subtle ways to know when a person isn't taking to you well.


Thanks again

Thank you. I don't think I'm that nice of a person, but that means a lot. And I'm not that wise either; I just sound like it on the computer.

I'm surprised that you have had so few friends. Why do you think that is, if you mind me asking?
I feel uncomfortable talking about myself on your thread, but I will answer since you asked me.
I don't think that it's accurate to say that I don't notice a person's true feelings about me. Usually I assume that everybody doesn't like me and doesn't want me around, so I 'm kinda a pessimist when it comes to that, and I'm really sensitive, like when someone doesn't answer IMs, or I'm not invited to a party, etc.
I don't know how to talk to people. I've had three or four friends who were girls. Two of them I talked to much about my problesm and I got really sensitive when they didn't talk to me and I told them that real friends help their friends out and answer them back, and I told them that I liked them a lot and that they were some of my only freidns and . . . .you know. They started to hate me. Another girl I had a crush on, and she knew it, and she couldn't stand me. I tried to compliment her every time I saw her and I bought her things, and it was painfully obvious to her. And after I stopped having my crush, I still tried to be friends and she got really annoyed at me still, and she has yet to say a single nice thing to me when she didn't have to. And I used to talk about things that some of my friedns didn't want to hear, like how I hated when they drank and stuff, and I guess I was too annoying. And I can't make new friends because I don't know how to make small talk or even know what to talk about because I have nothing in common with anyone.
So I know when someone is getting annoyed by me, but since I value all of my few friendships, I really wanted to keep them and so I kept trying to make them like me. Maybe I should dump them if I recognize that someone doesn't want to be friends with me anymore but I don't want to be lonely.