vertigo while standing still

I've been overseas for months. never honestly missed "home". was more anxious about coming back.

2 weeks back and I've added 6 kg. I feel like a barometer, with stress neck high. I like to think I am really positive, but lately everything is not happy. Every breath I take Is shallow. my head literally spins. at times It gets so bad, its like vertigo. every other day I have a headache, which means I take tylenol nearly every second day.

I like my course but I just don't care anymore.. I was an honours student...Frankly speaking, I kinda wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. but there are people outside of home, who I would like to not screw up. I'm just tired of everything, of being everyone else's crutch, of trying amd nothing ever giving back, of not being appreciated, of feeling futile, of feeling like wallpaper in a room.. feel like there is no escape. I thought about taking time of from work, and school, moving away.. but I don't want to run away....I don't know. its like the air i breathe is toxic... i think the people closest to me have good intentions, but cruel methods... if that makes any sense...

I never was one to say i was stressed/ depressed but now... I am really really stressed out all the time..
My family have issue with me being/becoming obese... i'm 5 4' and weigh 67ks now..If i ever mention i am full they go "great, go throw up". every morning feels like a scrutiny of how dimpley the cellulite is getting. If i dress nicely or feminely i'm told "make sure people aren't being nice to you cos you're selling yourself out". Since I was 14, (i weighed 50 then, same height), I wasn't allowed to wear 3/4 pants or any dress/skirt above my knee cos my legs look "disgusting".
Meanwhile my "Best friend" goes on to say how much she can't live without me, while constantly bagging, and embarassing me at a party of colleagues that i invited her to, even when i ask her to plz not say something.

I just want to honestly get past all the $#%^ everyone has done to me.. but its all just i dunno.. pilling up... and I'm stressed. and miserable . I wan't out.

I don't think its fair. I have to be everyone's crutch, but then stand alone.

I am so mad at my best friend. Have been now for years I realise... and i want to forgive... but I don't know if i can.. I'm always her crutch, always have to put up with her $#%^ and am just sick of it cos she never even tries to give anything back.
I was sexually harassed by one of my proffesors, asked for her advice and she's like "dude I don't know. I'm busy now" and hung up
She invited me for coffee ( we caught the 1hr train together in) 10 min in asked me when i was leaving cos her bf was coming, and so they wouldn't miss a movie, left me by myself at midnight in the middle of an abandoned shopping centre to wait for 2 hrs for the train to go home.
She gets pissed off if i eat salads or if i don't eat more cake than her when she feels like eating cake.
she invited herself to an important buisness dinner for me, got drunk, and made vulgar jokes at professors and coleagues.
at another function, she loudly declared to everyone that she does pot, without thinking how that reflect on me ( I've never done drugs/smoked).
she can't spare 10 min of her time, for even coffee. fuk it we were at the pool and she couldn't spare 2 min to humour me and jump in the sauna.
She verbally abused me for seeing other friends like i was cheating on her or something. I'm not alowed to speak too much with her family or friends either without her going spaz.
she begged me to cancel plans with other friends to go out with her to a club, cos she was accompanying another friend on a blind date, and didn't want to be 3rd wheeled. 15 min in, she calls a guy she likes, and leaves me alone for 3 hrs. I'm really pissed cos i blew off my other friends to be her support, and then she's like "oh.. you're not with someone haha, well this is your punishment for being a wet blanket hahaha"
and the "can you pay this time, i'l pay you backl (= $200 average outing, which never gets payed back, but hey.) balanced with the "i payed $5.20 for our coffee last time and you still owe me 50 cents" I'm not exagerating here either.
oh and not to mention the constant "your such a cold hearted bitch", "your the most selfish person I know", "there's no use in changing, thats just the way you are"wtf?!
fuk it. there's too much to count. and I guess I am a crappy friend by not just forgetting it.. guess all she says is true... eck my head is spinning again.

meanwhile my family, i'm like hey in 2 years i wanna go study overseas and do postgrads, they're like "how are you going to dare show up as fat as you are that would be so embarassing, you can't live like that, and besides you'll never be able to afford it"..
oh and despite the fact that i'm the only person that ever cleans the house, that cooks, that walks and cleans the dog, that pushes them to do everything they've ever done (I had to push my parents to move out of my grandparent's house.), and give all my money to them to pay bills, i get "you would do anything for money, you would even kill your brother!", and the fact that I have to get in brawls with them to study (last time i was dragged from one end of the house to the other by my hair for daring to study past 10pm and not join in on family activities).


so yeah. this is my home... i needed someplace to vent. I just want to escape and not feel anything. I wish there was an easy way out..my head hurts.. so i think i'll go take some pain killers... and go to bed...
sorry about all this... If you got this far...

Hey, d0rmancy! I'm sorry your family and "friend" treat you this way. They have no right to do this to you. This is emotional abuse and I think they're trying to take advantage of you. You should stop letting them lean on you and abuse you. It must be very difficult to go through this.
Your family should never put you down about your weight. It's your body and it's none of their business. What they say and do to you can really mess with your self esteem. I'm sorry they say all those hurtful things. Of course they're not true.
Your friend should never treat you like that either. She's no real friend. You can tell her to go to hell, and you are right to feel this way about her.
You're a nice person for supporting these people and being kind to them. You deserve much better and if you can manage to get out of their controll, I think you can find people who can appreciate you.
Do you think you can come up with a plan to leave? Studying in another country is a good idea, but maybe you can find a way to move out before that.