What do you want from life?

No my life isn't bad. If any thing I was spoiled growing up. I grew up in an almost perfect little house in the suburbs with two parents who loved me and gave me everything I could ever want. I went to a nice school and was top of my class.

Even now that I'm a lazy bum my parents are still kind enough to give me a roof over my head and food. Hell they even gave me a car, not that I have anywhere to go. It's nice to just drive around for an hour or two and think, makes my parents think I have a social life.

I know full well all my bull $#%^ is in my head but know that only makes it worse. I feel like a horrible person to have been so privalged and to have become such a wreck when there are so many people so much worse off than me, and they can still make something of themselves. I'm nothing but a burden and a shame to my parents. At least in my mind, I know they don't think that way of me.

The first time I was arrested my depression was about as bad as it's ever been. I'm pretty good at it, but I couldn't hide that much pain. My mom hugged me and said "we still love you." My heart absolutely ######6 shattered. They raised me to be so much better, they deserve so much better.

You know, I'm beginning to relate to you now, after reading that because I feel that I was also spoiled in my childhood. I was overprotected too and I was a good boy so I never went against my mother's wishes. So, that basically meant never venturing further than the bottom of my road and becoming scared at the world.

I was extraordinarily lazy in the past too but I've actually done a role reversal now and overdo myself repeatedly (i.e. I stress myself out).

Did you ever consider moving-out of your parents' house? I still live at home too but I feel that oving out would kick-start a lot of [good] things.

Maybe when you have a close encounter with death you will change you mind about wanting things to change.

You must also realize that your parents may not let you live in the basement forever. What happens if they try tough love and kick you out?

I know someone who is as apethetic as you - he has been locked up in a mental institution for 20 years.

You know I can really relate to how you feel. I have no goals in life, no real interests and am very apathetic towards everything. Personally though, I found a way of coping, a very unhealthy one but still a way of coping. I live for others. I live to do as others tell me to do. I've made myself into a sort of slave who obeys ANY master. Of course having extremely controlling parents makes this really easy. They are more than willing to control every aspect of my life and make all my decisions for me.

When I can't have somebody control me I just lose myself into all kinds of "hobbies" which are really ways to escape reality. I have always avoided alcohol and drugs precisely because I know myself and I know that I will become addicted to them. In fact, anything that can blur reality is something that I know I would abuse.

The only thing I can't really relate to is the part about being spoiled. If you have parents who love you and who are willing to help then you should make the most of it. I didn't have that kind of opportunity and I really envy you for it. I wish my parents had ever been so supportive. You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You have opportunities that some of us haven't had, you should take advantage of them even if they seem pointless.

Ikari Shinji, you can be both apathetic and have control of your own life too. You don't need to follow everyone's orders. What you can do is listen to the orders and then decide if you want to do them. If, however, you don't like what you are being told to do, you simply don't do it. In that sense, you are being apathetic and still have control.

Chucky wrote:Ikari Shinji, you can be both apathetic and have control of your own life too. You don't need to follow everyone's orders. What you can do is listen to the orders and then decide if you want to do them. If, however, you don't like what you are being told to do, you simply don't do it. In that sense, you are being apathetic and still have control.

Oh, I know that. But, honestly I just don't want to. It's a lot easier to be a puppet and besides, obeying orders makes me feel like I have a purpose in life, a reason to live. It also makes me feel useful and like somebody out there needs me, like as long as I obey orders I have the right to exist. I know that's a very cowardly and dependent way of existing but it fulfills my need for a purpose and it fulfills their need for control so we all win here. And besides, since when is this thread about me, anyway?

Ikari Shinji wrote:And besides, since when is this thread about me, anyway?

When a thread matures, it can take on any subject it wants to

I didn't know that you were 'happy' with the way you are presently living. I thought you were depressed by it which is why I wrote what I wrote above.

Anyway, perhaps you will surprise everyone someday and suddenlly begin making decisions for yourself. It's not important though - Just try to live life the way you want to live it which (I hope) is what you are doing now.

Chucky wrote:

Ikari Shinji wrote:And besides, since when is this thread about me, anyway?

When a thread matures, it can take on any subject it wants to

I didn't know that you were 'happy' with the way you are presently living. I thought you were depressed by it which is why I wrote what I wrote above.

Anyway, perhaps you will surprise everyone someday and suddenlly begin making decisions for yourself. It's not important though - Just try to live life the way you want to live it which (I hope) is what you are doing now.

I'm sorry if my last post seemed hostile to you, I really didn't mean to come across that way. I tend to have some trouble communicating with people sometimes and I really need to work on my social skills. I was just joking when I talked about the change of subject in the thread and I know you were just trying to help me and give me advice which I really appreciate, honestly I do. I was just trying to explain myself further and say that I live like that as a way to cope with my lack of purpose, I'm not realy happy about it but it is better than becoming lost in my apathy, following orders is what keeps me going. Sad, but true.

Thanks for the advice anyway.

No no, it never for once seemed hostile so don't worry about it. In fact, I follow orders a lot too but I've always got this drive within me to try to become gradually independent.

having read this thread i have to say if you don't shake off the depression you won't shake off the apathy.

drink and drugs will just keep you in a cycle of depression.

you have to start trying to live more healthily. that means eating healthily, sleeping healthily and exercising healthily.

sometimes people get beyond helping themselves. in such cases they either need help forced on them by those that care about them or they need to get help from the available health services.

the bottom line is it's your life. you can't blame anyone but yourself if you choose to waste it.